“I Just Had To Do It:” Stories of Pettiest Revenge

Probably, revenge is one of the most effective ways for some people to seek justice when harmed or hurt by someone.

Every person has their moments of being taken advantage of. Because of that, the feeling of wanting revenge is normal and valid, even if it’s petty. 

If you want to see stories of people doing their pettiest revenge against people who did them wrong, then you are on the right page; check these out!

1. Queen of Customization

I used to work at a pizzeria. There was this one customer that everyone hated. She was rude as heck and complained about everything (every single order she ever received, she found something to complain about). 

She wasn’t a normal customer; she would order groceries from us by ordering disassembled sandwiches. For example, she’d order a chicken sandwich. Still, with all the ingredients separate and in particular amounts, with cutlery, butter, a side of grated cheese, 3 plates, oil and vinegar on the side, “medium rare” toasted bread, and extra packets of the ranch, you get the idea. 

But because it was all technically part of a “sandwich,” she didn’t expect to be charged for any of the extras and would complain. 

She also refused to answer the door when delivery drivers arrived and instead would leave the money in an envelope (exact change, no tip) under the doormat and wanted the driver to leave the food on her doorstep. 

She also had weird specifications about where the driver could park (never in her driveway, only on the street, even when it was raining or she’d complain).

Also, she didn’t want them to announce their arrival in any way (no knocking, no ringing the bell, no beeping their car horns; they needed to be silent, or she’d complain). 

Freaking nightmare, this woman. And every time she complained, she’d try to weasel some free crap out of us for next time. 

Anyway, one day, she says she needs the driver to make the change, and she wants him just to leave the change in the envelope and not take a tip because “he gets paid already.”

So I told my driver this, and he answered with complete confidence in making things better for us.

Driver: Ohhh, I get paid, do I? No problem, I’ll take care of it.

He goes on the delivery and comes back pleased as punch but doesn’t say a word about how he “took care of it.”

I get distracted and keep working. 

10 minutes later, I got a phone call. It’s the crazy lady, and she’s FURIOUS because apparently, my driver left her the correct change of $5.85 in the envelope as she asked.....IN PENNIES.

Freaking genius. I had to put her on hold so I could laugh. I got back on the phone with her and said, “Ma’am, I think you’ll find that pennies are legal tender. There’s nothing I can do.” 

After explaining that I was the manager and the highest authority present, she got fed up and hung up on me. That driver is still a freaking king to me.


2. Salty Revenge

My family used to own a farm that backed up to a high school. There was a thin tree line and a small fence at the edge of our property.

One year, some kids hopped the fence (really short chain link one, maybe 2-3ft) and stole an engine from the old dump truck.

Another time, some kids broke all the windows on the combine.

Many kids liked hanging out in the woods back then and constantly left trash. One of my uncles, finally fed up with this crap, started going out there with a 12 gauge fill of salt shot and would shoot at them.

I didn't believe that last story for the longest time until I started hanging out with a guy who went to that HS. And he was telling me a story about how he and his friends would hang out in the woods behind the school to smoke and drink. We had a small conversation, and I was surprised by what he told me.

Friend: It was fun, tho, not until some crazy old guy started shooting at us, tagging my buddy in the ass with a salt shot.

I just looked at him dumbfoundedly, then started laughing my ass off. He was surprised by my reaction. 

Friend: Man, it's not funny, man. That crap hurts.

After I regained my composure, I explained to him that that was my uncle, and he probably deserved it for trashing the place and trespassing.


3. Got Her Good

I was dating this girl. I thought she was the one. So I gave her the keys to my apartment. I worked late for my job. I was just happy there was someone in my bed. 

When I got home at 2 in the morning, I came home one night, and she was awake. She confessed to using my apartment to cheat on me with 7 different people. So I packed her stuff up. She was still living with her mom anyway. 

I lied to her and said I moved to Seattle. I moved to Hawaii instead. 3 months after being in Hawaii, I got a phone call from her.

I answer, and to my surprise, she's called me from the Seattle airport. She flew out there to try and fix things between us. The dialog goes as follows.

Me: So you're in Seattle? 

Her: Yeah! Weren't you listening? I came here to fix us. 

Me: Oh...Well, that's bad.

Her: what's Bad? 

Me: I'm in Hawaii! (then hung up the phone)

(Phone rings I answer)


Me: huh, how does it feel?

I hung up again.

I don't know if that's petty, but it was a good revenge for me.


4. Reverse Card

I saw an ad for a work-from-home type job. It didn't sound scammy and sounded sort of legit. So I asked for more info from the website. 

Enter your email thing. It was crap and was sending me spam several times a day. For whatever reason, blocking it didn't work.

I got annoyed one day and answered back, stop spamming me. The guy actually answered. He actually monitors that address. He told me to unsubscribe. Which did nothing. After about another week of it, I came up with an idea.

I took the email address he answered from and added it to his own list. Then, I signed it up for any other spam I could find. 

A few days later, it stopped spamming me.


5. Story of Calzone

Delivered pizzas for about a week for my best friend's shop. Warned me about a few customers, but one, in particular, was always rude to the drivers and never tipped. 

Lucky for me, I got to deliver his order of a single calzone, maybe $6 or $7 total, and he tried to pay with a $50 bill.

All the menus and the website prominently said nothing over a $20 bill for deliveries, and he'd been their customer long enough to know that. But he got extremely rude when I told him this while explaining how I didn't have enough change.

He was loud about how it's not his fault and that drivers should always carry enough money on them.

So I did what anyone in that situation should do, telling him not to worry about it and that I'd pay for the order. 

For those few seconds, he thought he'd won a free calzone by being a dick- until I pulled it out and started eating it as I walked back to my car.

Of course, he mf'ed me the whole time I walked, but damn if that wasn't the best-tasting calzone ever.


6. Little Accidents

My little brother and his girlfriend came to stay at my house for the weekend, and the girlfriend was super self-centered and obnoxious. When they left, she forgot her clothes and toiletries because she left them sprawled all over my bathroom.

About a week later, she and my brother moved into an apartment together. After he paid for the moving truck, deposit, and utilities, she cheated on him with her ex and kicked him out of the apartment. This left him broke, homeless, and heartbroken.

In the days after the breakup, she kept calling and emailing him several times daily, demanding he ask me to ship her clothes and toiletries back to her. 

Girl: I mean, it's really important. It's my NORTH FACE.

My brother called and pleaded with me to ship them to her so she would stop having a reason to contact him.

Being my loving sister, I gathered the “Really Important Northface sweatshirt, shorts, underwear, shampoo, conditioner, soap, and razor.” 

I folded everything nicely. 

I then wrote a nice note apologizing for taking so long to mail them to her and letting her know I hope all is well. The note was written in permanent marker, and the paper rested on the Really Important Northface when I wrote it. 

Unfortunately, the ink bled straight through the paper and onto the shirt. Also, unfortunately, the shampoo, soap, and conditioner caps were not tightly secured on their bottles, and the contents leaked out all over the clothes, further spreading the ink. 

The most unfortunate result was that her razor didn't have any sort of protective cap or container, leaving little slashes all over the front of the Really Important Northface.

She received the package, and my brother never heard from her again.


7. Her Solitaire

I go away for 2 to 3 weeks every year to work in a different location. One summer, I took some time off when I rotated through my usual supervisor. 

To cover the three weeks, they brought in a person from outside of our group to supervise. I was working my ass off, doing my work and what should have been the supervisor's work. 

We were set up in a temporary office without connections to the outside world. We had plenty of work to keep us quite busy, though. 

The supervisor's day consisted of playing solitaire all day on the computer and then yelling for an hour at the end of every day that work wasn't getting done fast enough. 

Two and a half weeks in, and I had enough. 

I deleted the shortcut for Solitaire from her desktop. Pandemonium breaks out, and she loses her freaking mind. I had to swear that I did not delete any programs from her computer, which was completely accurate. 

I watched her over the next few days I was there, doing anything and everything to get a connection so she could download Solitaire. She even tried to get AOL working on the machine so she could dial up and get it.


8. Puzzled Up

My roommate and her SO loved doing elaborate jigsaw puzzles. 

After I found out she canceled our lease, leaving me 1 week to find a new place to live, I threw away 1 piece of two different puzzles they were working on. 

Before you ask, she was able to do this because I was 17 and not able to legally sign a lease.

Edit: I'm a she and Dad was on a boat, and Mom was.... hmm, IDK where that crazy girl was at! Everything turned out cool. I'm married and am a mom to an awesome little girl. I don't know why the adults in my life let things go down like that, maybe cause we live in a certain southern state that rhymes with Malabama.


9. Bad Roommate

  I lived in a cheap crappy apartment with roommates, and we all worked in fast food. Money was tight. One roommate ended up unemployed for a few weeks and then got a job as a bank teller, making much better money.   

However, while unemployed, she had missed a rent payment, which we had scraped together to cover for her.

Two weeks into the new job, she gets her first paycheck. Obviously, we are expecting immediate payback. On day 1, she said something along the lines of she couldn't do personal business (cash her check) during work so she could pay us in a couple of days.

The Friday she was supposed to pay us, she came home with a big shopping bag and casually mentioned she couldn't pay back rent yet because she had to buy new work clothes. When roommates and I got upset, she went total witch on us.

Roommate: You all don’t understand how to work a professional job because y’all are only food service!

And basically told us we would get our money when she felt like it.

That weekend, she misplaced her nametag required at work. She spent hours searching for it. At some point, I came across the nametag in a random spot and said nothing. She kept searching for it all weekend and was panicked that she would look bad to her boss, etc. 

I never moved or took the nametag but the whole time, I knew where it was. She never found it and had to get a new one. 

She also never paid the back rent and we kicked her out a few weeks later.


10. Extra Penny

I used to deliver pizza for Dominoes. It was my last shift and there was this house that was always rude. I called to ask what the house looked like, and they snapped at me.

Customer: I gave you the address

And hung up, never tipped, etc. I got to their house and they gave me a check for 1 cent less than what the total was. I am slowly getting annoyed.

Me: I am going to need the extra penny

They grumbled off and took their time, hoping I would give up but I just sat there holding the pizza. They finally came back all pissed off and gave me the penny. 

Note that they had no intention of tipping. They gave me the penny and I chucked it out into the street and left. 

They saw me do it. It was SATISFYING.


11. Scantron Scanner

During my Freshman year of high school, I was in a biology class that was made up of mainly juniors. This one guy who sat next to me would always be a jerk to me during class. 

I always did well on the tests, so he would always look over and copy the answers from my scantron. I'm pretty sure he didn't realize that I knew he was cheating off of me. 

Well, one day, I got fed up with this guy messing with me and cheating off of me. So the next test comes around and sure enough, he starts copying my answers. I finish the test and so does he. He gets up, turns his test in, and comes back to his seat. 

I looked him in the eyes and proceeded to erase my entire scantron. I then retook the test, this time marking the correct answers. 

The look of panic in his eyes was so satisfying. 

He ended up making a 2% on that test and never cheated off me again.


12. Sudden Escalation

Girl cheated off of my test every Friday, and the seats for that particular class (Macro Economics) were assigned, so she'd always be sitting there.

20-question test. No Scantron, just circle AND write the letter (double-checking yourself & making the professor's life easier).

I just moved my answer forward one (B to C or E to A, for example). When class ended, I went up to him & explained what happened. 

He laughed, found mine, checked it by hand (100%), then pulled hers (0%). He then busted out the grade and discovered that outside of the first test (mine 100%, hers like 75%), we had identical scores on everything, including missing the same questions on the same tests. He zeroed all of those tests out as well.

I think she went to community college after that.


13. Fudge and Cookies

Not me, but a friend's story from his time in the military:

Receives care package from grandparents of 7 pounds of homemade fudge and cookies, but immediately has to go on a long mission, like 2 months long. 

Instructs his bunk mates to wait for his return; all will be shared. He returns, and there's less than a pound left. There's initial outrage, to be sure, but he's calm about it. 

You'd rather see his outrage than his calm face because that's when he's plotting your demise.

Weeks and months pass, and he has plotted. Finally, he's scheduled to be in the same vehicle as them. The night before, he chows down on two boxes of Oreos and a gallon of milk. 

He’s lactose intolerant.

His head was sticking out the top hatch and he made a seal* with his belt and equipment. Just as they got too far to return, he let loose the most vile, sickening flatulence - he was happy to, quite literally, crap his pants. 

The guys inside ended up vomiting all over the inside of the vehicle and ended up having to pay my friend back the market value of the fudge.

He never got to taste the desserts again because his grandmother passed away before he was able to make another batch.


14. Fall in Line

You young'uns here might not believe it, but back in the early 90s, supermarket cashiers had to type every price in by hand.

I was at a Vons in San Diego, walking toward the only open check stand with a single bottle of soda in my hand. 

Suddenly, this hoity-toity lady with a cart stacked to the top flew out of one of the aisles like a freight train and cut me off. "I'm in a hurry," she said, then looked away like she was annoyed that I'd been born.

I looked at the cashier. He rolled his eyes and got to work. Five minutes later, she's walking out the door and it's my turn.

Cashier: You're good. I put your soda on her tag.

Damn, that felt good.


15. The Freeloaders

When I was a senior in high school, I was in a group English project with 2 other people. We had to read the assigned book, and over the course of a month or so, we had several mini-projects to do before the final presentation. 

These mini-projects were designed so that each person would cover a different section of the book, and they would all be combined for the finished product.

The night before the first mini-project was due, I learned that neither one of my group members planned on putting any more effort into the work of the project than Spark notes and bullcrap. I ended up pulling several all-nighters trying to just get a passing grade. 

Fast forward to the day of our final presentation. 

We were going to be the last group to present, putting us after the lunch break in the middle of class. What I hadn't told anyone was that I was going to the blood drive that our school was having during lunch to donate. I Go, donate, and spend a couple minutes making sure I'm not going to pass out afterward.

I come back to the classroom and find my group halfway through the prezi I had made for the presentation. Apparently, they had been floundering, making crap up on the fly, and making it very clear to everyone that they had never read the book or had any idea what the heck was going on. 

The teacher has her head in her hands.

I walk back in, and my group says, "Oh, thank god he's back." I restarted the prezi, gave the presentation, and took my seat. 

Explain what happened to the teacher after class. Got a passing grade. 90% sure they failed.


16. The Gaslighter

I worked at a 50k+ tech company. I worked with a PM, Maggie, who misread my email and got her dates messed up. She scheduled a meeting for Thursday instead of Friday. 

When I told her she scheduled on the wrong day, she got mad at me and emailed all my managers up to my vice president (4 levels of management) to say how much of a troublemaker I was ... It was her own fault for not being able to read.

2 years later, I have to work with her again, and I pretend like I'm all happy and friends with her.

2 years after that, I quit and moved on to a better company. I got an email saying that Maggie is applying to my new company and said I could provide a positive reference for her.

I emailed the recruiter and blasted all my 6 years of crap on her and blocked her from getting hired. 

Take that, Maggie, you freaker. I never forget.


17. My Belongings

My roommate in college was disgustingly messy and a raging bwtch. When I had the flu once, I had left a blanket and sweatshirt in the living room to keep warm.

Woke up to a text along the lines of 

Roommate: You're a disgusting pig. The apartment is a disaster. Get all of your belongings out of the living area or we're going to have a problem.

And honestly, if she had nicely asked, then fine. And if she weren't insanely messy, then fine. But she had to go full-out witch.

She had forgotten that I had provided all of the furniture for our apartment. Couch, table, TV, etc. All "my belongings."

So, while she was in class, I called up some friends on the football team who occasionally helped people move for spare cash. We loaded up every single piece of furniture onto their truck and just parked it a few blocks away on the street.

Cue my roommate coming home to an empty freaking apartment. Screaming at me and calling me names. I just told her I was following her orders and moved out "all of my belongings." She was dumbfounded and really had nothing to say.

Obviously brought the furniture back hours later. But certainly proved my point.

Tbh that's only one of many petty points I had to make to that witch.


18. Bag of Pennies

I occasionally deliver pizza as a part-time job.

There is a customer who tends to pay with a big bag of change. I don't mean a bag full of quarters; I mean a bag full of dimes, nickels, and pennies. Since his meal typically costs about $20, the bag usually weighs several pounds. 

It is a total pain to count out all of the change, so typically, drivers will just assume that he has the correct amount and leave. Usually, he has just enough or maybe a few cents over. 

I don't think it is an innocent thing either, as he usually gives the bag of change with a crap-eating grin. It is such a pain that most of the drivers know his address by heart and avoid going to his house if at all possible.

I was having a bad night, and by the luck of the draw got this dude's house. I remembered reading a post on r/pettyrevenge involving someone paying in a checkout line with a bag of change, and I knew I could use a similar method to take my frustration out on this guy in the pettiest way possible.

I pulled up to his house and left the pizza in the car. I rang the doorbell, and when he answered, I saw the large bag of change in his hand that I knew would be there. He asked where his pizza was, and I said, "New policy, sir. Gotta count it out before we can give out the pizza." 

So I sat down on his doorstep and started to count out all of the change. At one point, I even asked if he could turn on his porch light because I was having a hard time seeing. He did end up sitting there while I counted out the entire bag of change, even though it took about ten minutes. 

He ended up being about a dollar over, so I started picking up pennies to give him his change back when he said that I could keep the rest as a tip. When I gave him his pizza, he sheepishly told me sorry and then shut the door.

The whole situation was incredibly awkward, and to my knowledge, he hadn't ordered pizza from us in a while. 

Oh well.


19. Snow Man

I used to deliver pizza and once, I had a delivery to a brownstone house with a small stoop. It was either Christmas or Thanksgiving week and we had snow/ice a couple of days beforehand.

Well, I pull up and there must have been some sort of family gathering at the house who ordered the food because there were a handful of people outside smoking and talking.

When I got out of the car, one of the people on the porch opened the door and yelled at whoever was supposed to come out and pay for the food.

The woman came to the door as I was walking up the sidewalk. I was carrying a 24-cut pie with a couple of bags filled with wings or whatever inside. I had a decent amount of food in my hands. But as I was walking, I slipped on ice and fell onto the sidewalk while everyone was watching. The massive pizza fell facedown, box open, onto the icy sidewalk to the horror of the hungry onlookers.

I remember being on the ground, in the process of getting up, picking the pizza up off the ground, and hearing this woman screaming at me. She was so mad that I dropped her food. She didn't offer to help me up, she didn't ask if I was okay, she didn't apologize for having ice on her sidewalk, she just flipped out on me.

So now I'm standing there with a mutilated pizza, hearing this old woman reem me out in front of her family. I apologized as soon as I fell, but she didn't care. For at least 20-30 seconds, she went in on me for dropping the pizza.

So I threw the pizza at her feet onto her porch, got into my car, and left. I took her chicken wings with me so I had some sort of proof that I didn't deliver the food and I didn't get paid for it.

I have a lot of stories from delivering. 

For some reason, this has stuck with me for like ten years now.


20. The Middle Screen

Used to work with people who were tech-illiterate, and one woman talked on her personal cell all day while me and a coworker on her time did all the work. We talked to all the bosses, etc, and nothing was going to happen; she was in the "in" crowd. 

So one day, I turned off her middle monitor (we used 3) just so it'd be blank and that'd show her!...11hr days are rough with someone who could help but was too lazy, I wanted a petty victory.

The next day I kid you not 4 people were at her desk trying to get it to work (she started an HOUR before me). I chuckled, took my seat, and got to work because it needed to get done by lunch. I finish our presentation, get it all set up before lunch and they are still at her desk. 

It's been 6hrs at this point. I figured there must be something big they are doing. I'll help.

I walk over and the middle monitor is STILL off they are talking with our in-house IT department and were at the point where they replaced the cord and were going to order a NEW monitor. 

At this point, I asked if it was turned on, and they looked at each then at me. "of course, it is" which is when I reach over and turn on the monitor, and boom, it turns on and displays correctly...

I was so disappointed, proud but disappointed.


21. The Keys

Unused to work shifts many years ago, including regular night shifts. My boss was an unpleasant person, to say the least.

He would leave his keys on top of his locker. One night, I took a small file to work and filed down one or two teeth of his front door key. The next day, he was telling everyone of how he got home, and his door lock was broken and he had to get a locksmith out, which cost a fortune, and he didn't get much sleep.

Happened again a couple of months later.

Then his car key got some treatment. I stopped after that as I heard him mention it was getting suspicious that all these locks stopped working.

But, unknown to me, other colleagues also disliked him. One night, his locker disappeared entirely. 

Rumour has it that it's part of the foundations of an office block in London now.


22. That One Roommate

College two-story apartment. One girl above us was a smoker and had no ashtray. Instead, she just let her cigarette butts fall between the cracks in the wooden platform down to our level, usually right on our doormat.

I started picking them up and putting them on her doormat. Witch had the nerve to gripe about me doing that. I told her I wouldn't do it if I didn't find them on my damn doormat. She stopped.

And then she started again. My roommate dated her roommate and I learned this girl had herpes. So the smoker started receiving a crap ton of Valtrex brochures and other free literature


23. The Leech

Had an ex-roommate whose girlfriend, over time, just started living at our house & refused to chip in on rent & utilities...even after multiple conversations about how it would be more beneficial to split things between us all (there were 3 of us living there before she started being a leech). 

Each month the utility bills went up (which really pissed me off because they were in my name) The house had one garage but a double-wide driveway. My roommates & I had it planned out who parked where according to who left for work at such & such times. 

The girlfriend started parking in my space, leaving me to park in the street & throwing off the parking arrangements. She also ruined a few pots and pans my mother had given to me by using metal utensils & then leaving them in the sink to get rusty. 

After a while, she stopped socializing & sequestered herself in his room all the time & we got mice because she was keeping food in the bedroom. The thing that really pushed me over the edge, though, was when I discovered she had been using my cosmetics when she had her own. 

She ended up getting pink eye because she just wouldn't stop using my makeup, even after I removed it from the bathroom. My petty revenge was pissing in her shampoo. Not a little squirt, either. 

I made sure to get nice & dehydrated & filled a solo cup, then poured it into her bulk-sized shampoo bottle & shook it up. This happened years ago & it still gets me riled up like nothing else. 

No regrets.


24. Not Her Chocolates

My wife used to keep these little Godiva chocolates that she likes on her desk at work but she started noticing some of them missing and figured it must be someone from the overnight cleaning staff taking them. 

Fed up with losing her not-inexpensive treats, she decided to get revenge on the chocolate thief in question by replacing the good chocolate with little squares of chocolate laxatives that look just like real candies. 

The next morning, she saw several of the laxatives gone, and then from that day forward, she was never missing another one of her good chocolates ever again.


25. Only Child

My roommate in college had only child syndrome and taped a piece of paper over her clock because she didn’t want to “share it with me.” 

Never mind that she couldn’t see the clock herself, but she would rather no one see the clock than share the clock with my eyes.

So, from then on, I would steal one sock from a set once a week. It was slow enough that she didn’t realize it was me sabotaging her socks but fast enough for her to be really annoyed and wondering what the hell was happening to all of her matching socks.


26. That One Girl

I’m significantly older than my siblings.

In his junior year my younger brother had a girl who wouldn’t leave him alone. After he rejected her, she started to show up once a week to leave creepy passion plays in chalk on our driveways. 

After that, my brother still didn’t communicate with her, so she started to TP our house while she was drawing her stick figures on our driveway.

So my brother came to me and asked what we could do to get back at him. He wanted to wait outside with airsoft guns. Pull the caps off of their tires at school. Because I’m an adult and could get in quite a lot of trouble for harassing a minor, I did the next best thing. 

I called her school and got her barred from Prom.


27. The End

Knew a crazy kid in elementary. The kid jumped across the table and tried to choke me out. I got suspended bc I instigated it by saying he was"cuckoo for cocoa puffs" when that was the only thing that kid ever talked about, and was wearing a cocoa puffs shirt that day.

Senior year of high school, the kid was in my Design class. Needed to get a C or better on the final. Over the year, I found out the kid was taking my work off my shared drive (high school IT was dumb, and each kid's folder was public) and copying it. 

For the final, I purposely messed up the drawing in my folder, but the kid didn't double-check it. He turned it in, failed, and had to go back and be a super senior.


28. If Only He Knew

A few years ago, I was on a stag weekend and was sharing a room with my mate. I know what he's like, so I was suspicious of all my belongings.

The first morning (after many, many beers the night before, so I didn't remember to brush my teeth before passing out), I went to brush my teeth. I inspect my toothbrush. It's got some dark, curly hairs embedded in it, not loads to be obvious, but definitely, some that shouldn't be there. It also had a tinge of brown to the bristles.

I knew exactly what he'd done, so I chucked that toothbrush into the bin, grabbed his toothbrush, and repeated the favor by giving my hole a good scrub and then cleaning the hairs off. I then brush my teeth as best I can using my finger and some toothpaste before exiting the bathroom. 

He didn't say anything, but the crap-eating smirk I saw on his face confirmed everything I needed it to. I kept quiet and started to get changed as he entered the bathroom to wash his teeth.

To this day, he has never mentioned it. He's presumably been sitting there the last few years giggling away to himself at the thought of me brushing my mouth with his arsehole ever since, whilst, in the meantime, I'm the one laughing.


29. Feels For Trees

My Dad wants to chop down the trees in our yard. He has had to rake their leaves over the last 20 years. He is retired now and now hires people to do the raking. My mom loves the trees because she loves nature. So they frequently fight over it.

My mom wants to go to Europe with my dad, and my dad wants the trees cut down. He refuses to go to Europe until at least two trees (of his choosing) are chopped down. My Mom won't let him chop them down, so they aren't going anywhere.

When I asked my dad why he wanted to cut them down so badly since he doesn't even rake anymore, he professed his deep-seated hatred for those damn trees. He wanted them dead for revenge. Seemed like he had PTSD, too. The trees remind him of all the horrible memories raking.


30. Learn to Pay

When I was a teenager, I decided to let this kid I knew borrow a good chunk of money. I had expected to be paid back the next day. He ignored my calls and texts so I went to his workplace (where I also buy my coffee every day.) 

After months of excuses about his house, mom, buddies, and dogs all having to do with him not having the money, I'd finally had enough. I went to a Family Dollar, bought a jar of peanut butter, stopped at a cafe next door to grab a plastic knife, and began exacting my revenge. 

I found his car behind his workplace; it was unlocked, too! I spread peanut butter under all four door handles, inside and out, behind the window switches, his steering wheel, shifter, volume knob, and just about every possible surface I could think of that wasn't in direct sight. 

Just before the shop closed, I took a walk downtown and snagged a discreet seat in perfect viewing distance of my perfect revenge. It was so sweet. I remember the excitement I felt when he first reached for his door handle and pulled his hand back in disgust. 

I couldn't see in his car very well but I could see him flailing his arms about and I loved every second of it. He called me a little later on asking if I had anything to do with all the "sticky crap" in his car, and I responded, asking if he "had anything to do with that money I was owed." 

I got my moolah a couple days later!!


31. King of Revenge

Man, I hate that I'm late to this because mine is good.

My wife stayed up late, binge-watching Narcos the other night, and woke me up by being really loud when she came to bed. I couldn't get back to sleep and was super irritated. I mean, just be quiet when you come to bed. 

You don't have to "THIS IS SPARTA!!" kick the door open, turn on both lamps and the overhead and then Greg Louganis into bed.

Anyway, I'm a commercial helicopter pilot, and I had a 6 am flight that morning. So I decided to take a short detour and flew a few laps right over our bedroom to wake her up. When I landed, I had a text from her calling me a huge dick. 

Vindication feels pretty sweet, y'all.

Sorry neighbors.


32. That’s What You Get

When my Brother 'Doug' was 12, he'd cycle to the local supermarket with his buddies to shoplift chocolate bars on Saturday. This went on for a month until they were hauled in by Security. 

The Stockroom manager 'Bob' was married to our cousin & recognizing my Bro volunteered to bring him home…

On the ride home, my bro was seriously pleading with Bob not to tell my parents what had happened / he'd never do it again & he'd pay for the chocolate/ he'd learned his lesson yada yada. 

Bob drops my bro off & tells my Mom everything. This was in mid-October, and my bro got grounded for six weeks.

Christmas rolls around & we're in my Aunt's house for an extended family get-together. Mom gives Doug the presents to hand out. Doug says, "Aunty Susan, thanks for hosting. Enjoy your gift." 

“Cousin Kevin, awesome to see you. Here's your present.” Then he comes to Bob and says (shouting): "YOU REALLY THINK YOU'LL GET A GIFT?! FUDGING RAT BASTARDS DON'T GET ANYTHING!!"

Me & siblings almost wet ourselves laughing, Mom & Dad wildly embarrassed. Doug got grounded for another month.


33. Special Drink

Many years ago, while I was in high school, I would go off campus to lunch daily and return with a soda to class. A kid in my class seemed to think it was funny to swipe my drink when I wasn't looking. 

Well, that thing got old after a while. 

I'm normally a Coke drinker, but I switched up my habits and started drinking Orange Crush to implement a plan. After my new soda habit had clearly been established, I went home one evening a loaded a water bottle with water and a healthy amount of Dave's Insanity Sauce to get the coloring approximately right. 

The next day, I loaded my soda cup with the mixture on my return. The kid did not swipe it right away as usual; however, I had an oral report, and there was an open seat at the front of the class right next to him. 

Perfect. I go up to do my report and place the cup in the open seat. 

Sure enough, shortly after I start, he reaches for the cup. I'm dying inside but trying to keep a straight face and keep going. The kid starts slurping furiously from the cup and his reaction is delayed a few seconds.

He screams, falls out of his chair, and starts rolling around on the floor. The whole class is staring in disbelief. 

I'm busting up laughing. 

Good times.


34. Believe Me

My girlfriend had an iPod for like 3 years. It gets remotely locked one day, and she starts getting messages saying it was stolen. Turns out she bought it from a guy who got it from a girl who sold it for drugs. 

Well, this girl's dad comes back from deployment and FREAKS out, threatening my then 17-year-old girlfriend for stealing this iPod.

Now, my GF would have been totally cool with returning it for her money, but this guy is seriously irate. Threatened to show up at her house and everything (the address to which he bought using his Apple account because the iPod was still under his account.) 

He was acting overly violent, and my GF honestly feared for her safety because this guy was so intense; this went on for about a week before he started scaring her.

So my GF does some digging and finds out how the iPod eventually ended up in her hands and finds out his daughter sold it for drugs because she ran out of her parent's money she could steal without being caught, GF tries to tell the father this who refuses to believe his daughter is anything but a complete angle.

So they agreed that my GF would leave it at a Walmart customer service desk and he would come pick it up later. He picked up an envelope with an iPod case and a letter in it. The letter tells him the iPod was out in the parking lot beneath a car and that he should find it before it is run over.

The iPod was in fact, already destroyed and placed behind the tire of an SUV in the Bob Evans next door.


35. Blinding Fame

I used to make stupid YouTube videos with this girl for fun.

She ended up taking it way too seriously and lost her crap at me when I had to cancel our plans to make a video one day. I decided to stop hanging out with her even after she apologized - trying to escape repeating toxic relationships and whatnot. 

And this girl was TOXIC. When I canceled our plans, she gaslighted me and guilt-tripped me, saying things.

Her: I hang out when I don't really want to why can't you just suck it up and do one thing for me?! 

I digress.

She kept our YouTube channel.

So, I deleted her from FB when I ended our friendship, but I never blocked her. A few months later, I deleted all of my social media for a break. A day later, she made a YouTube video crap-talking me, using my real name, calling me a witch and an idiot and a loser for "blocking her" on social media.

I remembered that I still had the password for the Gmail account we used for the channel, so I logged into YouTube, deleted the entire channel, and then, for good measure, I changed all of the passwords and security questions a bunch of times and then deleted the Gmail account entirely so she couldn't even recover her YouTube channel.


36. Thanks For The Idea

I currently work as a barista at Starbucks, and overall, it's a good job, but the pay is just okay. 

One thing I really dislike, though, is when a group of young junior high kids will come in and order what feels like a million Frappuccinos. 

So my buddy who frequents Reddit sent me this post about a guy who puts the name sticker for the order over the Starbucks logo in order to ruin their Snapchat and Instagram pictures. 

Last shift, I tried it out for myself, and it was like heroin in terms of extreme pleasure and, as a bonus, no raging drug addiction. The look on this one kid's face, when they saw their drink knew they couldn't take a good photo of it, but also knew that the only real problem was the sticker placement? 



37. Got Egged

I have high school kids who park on my street every school day. Occasionally, they will sit out there and smoke cigarettes, which is fine. They are largely respectful of my property.

I noticed this one kid always threw his Mcdonald's trash in my yard- I have caught him doing it a few times. 

Now I egg his car every time I see trash on the ground. So far, I have done it twice, but I haven't seen his car for a few days. 

Maybe he gave up parking on my street.

Yes, I am 32 and egg a 16-year-old kid's car.


38. The Gamer

My brother, for some reason, HATES using his laptop in his room even though he has a desk. He comes downstairs to sit in the lounge next to my room and games until really late at night with his friends (always talking really loud/yelling into his headset) while I'm trying to work/study/sleep. 

He utterly refuses to go to his room when I ask, claiming that he has every right to be there because I "don't own downstairs". He is in a competitive gaming clan, often competing in Tribes: 

Ascend competitions with cash prizes. I have written a script that turns the internet off for 5 minutes every 10 minutes. Just enough time for him to get into a game and then have his connection drop and then repeat 10 minutes later. 

All night.


39. Story Topper

At my previous job I worked with a "story topper". You know, she did it way better, cooler, and sooner than everyone else. 

She even started using my stories. I was very irritated. I started taking a pen or two a week from her desk. Sometimes it was some little doo-dad. I would casually snatch an item then take it to the mens bathroom where I would put it into a hole near the sink pipes. 

It sounds stupid, but it made me feel like a bad ass. I wish I could be there when they have to repair that sink and find all of her supplies in that wall.


40. The Retailer

I work in retail because I need the health insurance, but a LOT of customers seem to believe I work where I do because I'm an idiot. 

And the second something like that comes out of their mouths 

Customer: Could you actually learn how to do your job CORRECTLY!? Some of us have places to be, y'know, jobs that actually matter.

I become the stupidest cashier you will EVER have. My idiocy knows no bounds; even the mentally handicapped greeters at a Wal*Mart could do better than me.

What's that? You're the craphead that brought in an expired coupon, and when I scan it and tell you it's not valid, I'm the stupid one? Huh. Okay then. I guess I need to call over a manager to okay every single one of your coupons, you snotty twat. 

Good thing you weren't in a rus- oh wait, you're gonna be late to your doctor's appointment? That's too bad, because I accidentally just deleted everything I rung up! Gotta start over!


41. Hands Down

It was my first day back in my 3rd-grade class after being out sick for nearly a week with the stomach flu. I started feeling sick during story time after lunch and raised my hand to ask to go to the bathroom.

My teacher told me to put my hand down, and shushed me when I tried to protest. Cue this happening 3 more times or so and after the last one I just proceeded to vomit all over the classroom floor.

Which was carpeted.


42. The Disrespect

When my daughter was about 5 months old, I made an excursion to HEB to get necessities. I was tired and had baby Klairedee with me. 

I patiently waited for one of those "parents with child" parking spots and acknowledged the mom loading up with a tired smile and wave. As she pulled her minivan out of her spot, this OLD lady in a jaguar whips around me and into the spot.

I was beyond infuriated, I just sat there shocked. 

So I pulled into another spot and waited. Waited for my daughter to fill up her diaper. I left that witch a dirty diaper under her windshield wiper.


43. The Classy Girl

  This witch was speeding through the parking lot at my apartment and nearly hit some dude walking his dog a little ways up from me. Being the classy gal that I am, when Witch's car zoomed by me, I reared back like a cobra, hawked up the biggest, greenest wad of phlegm, and horked it right onto her windshield.

I had gotten into my car to go run errands when the witch came flying back around the corner, slammed her car in park, and started advancing screaming.

Woman: [yelling]  DID YOU SPIT ON MY CAR?!

 Instead of looking incredulous or confused and dissolving the situation, I blew her a kiss...

I drove off with her wailing and chasing me down the street, trying to punch my window in. 

One of my finer moments.


44. Model Employee

I used to work at Subway. We would always have this regular customer come in and complain about every little thing, such as "not enough tomatoes on my sandwich", etc.

I knew she was a regular, and I knew who she was, but every time she would come, she would only bring in her check book, not her purse.

I, being the model employee, would purposely make her go back out to her car for her driver's license (which she would dig for for ten minutes), and come up with 2 phone numbers while her sandwich got cold.


45. The Girl

Last night, I went to my boyfriend's for Halloween. He's in student accommodation, and one of the girls on his floor has developed quite a desire for him. 

She doesn't seem to consider my existence in all this, and quite simply, I wanted to show her why yes, he does have a girlfriend.

So, even though everyone else was also free, I asked her to take a cute couple-y photo of us in our costumes. To sorta.. drive home the point that he's mine. 

Not as bad as some in this thread, but still quite petty.


46. Not Your Work

  When I was 10, we had to paint birds for art. I was pretty good at art, but a girl copied my exact one, even though we had to do different ones, and I was not pleased.   

So, while we were cleaning up paintbrushes (the painted birds were placed nearby), I put her painting in the sink with the tap running, pretended it accidentally fell in there, and walked away like nothing happened. 

I think she got the message.


47. Dumbfounding Day

When I was in high school, I went on vacation with family and bought my then-girlfriend earrings to surprise her when I got back. 

I returned to her introducing me to her new boyfriend and subsequently being kicked to the curb. 2 years later, we talked over Facebook, and I initiated a booty call. 

Afterward, She told me she had feelings for me again, and I responded with, "Cool, I’m late for dinner. Talk to you later" BEST MASHED POTATOES EVER WERE HAD.


48. Wedding Dress

I found out my wife was cheating on me, so I kicked her out and sent her packing back to Missouri. She emailed me asking for her wedding dress so she could marry the guy she cheated with.  

I hung the dress in a tree, burned it, and sent her the unholy remains in a ziplock bag.... Postage Due.


49. Care For Sister

One time, at a Boy Scout meeting (I was probably 10 at the time), my sister was there cause my mom was really involved. 

We were all playing a game, and some kid implied that my sister was inferior cause she was a girl. Later on, that kid was playing foosball, and from the other side of the table, I rammed one of the rods for operating the little guy into his stomach as hard as I could.


50. Roll It Out

My brother's girlfriend had annoyed me by criticizing some of my life choices and then demanding I apologize to her.

So I went to the bathroom while she was over and used all but the last 2 squares of toilet paper when I knew she would be using the toilet soon. 

Very petty and quite possibly the most passive-aggressive thing I've ever done.


51. Under Control

An ex-friend of mine is a very talented musician, and he wanted me to design a website. So I did just that. I, being what I thought was a good friend, quoted him $500 for the whole thing PLUS 2 years of free updates. (Anyone who does any kind of web design for a living knows that this is freaking gift with a silk bow.) 

I paid for all the hosting and the domain upfront for 2 years, designed the whole thing, and uploaded his website. Then I tried collecting my money, and that didn't pan out very well. He kept saying how his shows hadn't done so well, or his car had broken down. 

After 6 months of trying to collect money and being out roughly $200 that I had put down for the hosting and domain fees, I finally decided to take his site down and replace the home screen with a photo he hated. Please note how long it's been since this thing was ordered.

The domain is mine for another 5 years. I know it's petty, but I figured it was cheaper than taking out a full-page ad in the local newspaper.

He didn't even notice it was down until months later when I got a phone call at 3 am and several threats via text. Once my girlfriend read them, she kind of panicked and made me go to the police to file a harassment complaint.

He tried to contact me about a year ago and apologized for making threats at me and offered to pay me to get his website up and running but, once again, asked if I could do the work upfront, and he was "good for the money"... Because I hadn't heard that one before... Haven't heard from him since.


52. Careful On Words You Say

When I was in high school, there was this guy who had a girl from three grades below who had a massive obsessive crush on him. She would even go with her mom and stalk him at his workplace. Everyone in my grade knew about that girl and her obsession. 

So, one day, I overheard him changing his number since she would not stop calling and texting him. So one day he called me something really mean (I can't remember what anymore) so in the next period I asked one of his closest friends to lend me her phone cause I had forgotten mine at home and I needed to call my mom. 

I went to the bathroom, looked for the guy's new number on the cellphone lent to me, and texted another friend of mine: "This is the guy's new number, let "crazy girl" have it." I kid you not, when I returned from the bathroom, I sat in my desk, and his phone rang. 

He picked it up, and then he realized it was her, threw his phone on the ground, and started cursing and blaming his group of friends. Never had a clue I was the one who did it. I guess it was pretty petty, but I had fun that day.


53. One Call Away

I was eating at a Mexican restaurant with my young cousin who was autistic. She has a hard time going in public, but I was trying to be nice and take her to eat and see Dolphin Tale (she loves dolphins, seriously). A table next to us was on their 2nd or 3rd pitcher for margaritas, and they were being very loud and crude.

It was making my little cousin very noticeably uncomfortable, so I walked over to the table and very politely tried to explain the situation. Before I could even finish, one of them dumped his water all over my feet and went back to talking like I had never been there. I got all pissed but didn't fight back.

Before I walked back to my table, I noticed that there wasn't a sober driver in the group. I left my cousin with my sister, stepped outside, and called my friend in town, a cop. I explained the situation to him, told him what they were wearing, and got his help.

They left the same time we did, and all piled up in a white SUV with the water-dumping douchebag as the driver (perfect). When the car moved in reverse, my friend flew around the corner, put his lights on, and asked the driver to step out. DUI and license suspension for the driver, drunk in public for the rest. 

Maybe it's not so petty, but it's super satisfying.


54. Flash Her Right

I was at the laundromat, and an older lady was washing these sheets. 

There are 3 triple-load washers in the whole place, and this lady did not seem to mind putting each individual sheet in each triple-load dryer for an entire 60 minutes, totally oblivious that there were people in there with at least 2 weeks worth of laundry that could have utilized these space station sized dryers. 

So, to get her back, I waited for the perfect moment when I knew she was looking over in my direction and bent over to pull my clothes out of the washer. When I did FULL ASS MOON about 5 feet away from where she was standing, I know she saw cause she rushed out of the place, and I just pulled up my jeans like it was not a big deal and continued doing laundry. 

Pretty weak compared to some of these, I know, but damn, it was satisfying to put that inconsiderate old witch in her place.


55. Suddenly Broken

When I was in 9th grade, a girl who was a year above and who had once been my friend began to bully me. She'd say mean things about me whenever I was in earshot, write crap about me on her public blog, and send me horrible emails. 

At one point, she and her gay sidekick tried to jump me.

I remembered that she had a big crush on Al Gore, and I knew that she used Xanga religiously, so I tried to log into her Xanga, using Al Gore as the password. Lo and behold, it worked. 

I deleted every single entry she had written. She had her account for about two years, and when she saw what had happened, she made a long post about how heartbroken she was.


56. Starting Fire

  Woman came into the frozen yogurt shop where I was working. She let her bratty kid run around. Mildly annoying, more annoying was that she let her kid disrespect and walk all over his grandma, who was with them. She was also really rude and talked down to all my staff. 

When she went to the bathroom, the kid jumped up on the counter and stuck his hand in the toppings. So I gave him an entire cup full of M&M's. When she came back from the bathroom, her little kid was in a frenzy with the candy. 

Boy, was she pissed, but the little monster went into a complete rage when she took the candy from him. It got so wrong and shameful that she literally had to drag him out.


57. Count ‘Em

  I had a falling out with a housemate and decided to move out. He informed me that he would not take a check for the balance of money I owed him (final month's rent, my share of the utilities, etc.). SO I paid him the $300 or so in cash.

 A big pile of $1 bills, all crumpled and dumped on his counter during the lunch rush at the deli he owned. Made him count it out and write me a receipt.

Take that, your smarmy jerkward


58. Did Not Let It Slide

I once worked with a woman who accused me of doing something I didn't do, and I got fired for it because she was friends with the manager, and the manager took her word over mine.

Ten years later, I went to 7-11 to talk to my friend who was the manager there, and I saw that same woman working there. So when my manager's friend and I went outside, I told him I'd buy him lunch and a case of beer if he fired her.

A week later, he told me he wanted to go to dinner at Outback and a case of Labatt because he just fired that woman.

Worth it.


59. Grudge Of Broken Heart

My ex-girlfriend cheated on me with another guy in MY bed in MY flat, so I literally froze my poop, yes I took a poop on a sheet of glad wrap and put it in the freezer, then while she was at work, I went over to her apartment with my spare key and walked through her apartment.

I walked around the apartment, grating my frozen turd with a cheese grater all throughout her house, over every square inch of carpet, hell I even put a shard of it in her toothbrush. 

I think you can imagine what happened when she got home. 


60. Meat Game

My apartment neighbors are constantly witching about supposed noise coming from my apartment. So, after hearing enough of their witching, I basically forced them to let me come inside and listen to what my music sounded like in their apartment. 

Turns out you can't hear anything. 

So, as time went on, I would find small pieces of uncooked meat on my back patio. After the third time, about a week ago, I was pissed, so I picked the meat up and threw it on their back patio as hard as I could, hoping it would wake them up. 

It didn't. 

After checking the next day, the meat had bounced off the corner of the wall and wrapped itself around their storage room doorknob. Better luck could not have been possible. It turns out they never go on their patio, so there is putrid one-week-old rotting meat on their door handle as I type this.


61. Poor Dog

I was about 12 when we had our first dog. It was the cutest, fluffiest little thing. We named him Sugar. My dad's girlfriend, at the time, was an alcoholic.

Our puppy was only about 10 weeks old when she thought it would be a great idea to let it outside without any supervision. The poor little pup was run over by a car and was killed. She had one job- to watch the puppy for 2 hours. No, she wasn't drunk when we left. 

Our family was devastated. My father even cried. This woman then proceeds to tell us she was too drunk and simply forgot the dog was outside. It was freaking on. A few weeks later, I was still incredibly upset and angry. I went to the bathroom and noticed she had left her contacts in the bathroom. I opened the case and put soap in the contact lens solution. 

That morning, as she put those contacts on, I heard her cry out in pain.

She had irritated eyes for a week. I thought it was a small price to pay for killing my puppy. My father was a little upset, but he had no proof of my wrongdoing. I finally disclosed what I had done drunkenly to my father on my 25th birthday. 

We laughed and took a shot of tequila. That psycho witch is out of our lives, and we couldn't be happier.


62. Hot Beer

There was this dude who I played football with when I was a freshman in high school who decided it would be a good idea to pour his milk all over my school lunch. Being less than confrontational as a kid, I merely got up from my seat and walked away.

The summer after we graduated (he had transferred to another school in the meantime), I went to a bonfire at a mutual friend’s house, and everyone was getting pretty hammered. I brought a beer bong, and toward the end of the night, I pissed in it, then put a couple of cans of beer in it. 

Then I bet him he couldn't bong a full funnel. He took the bait and drank it all down. He asked why it tasted so warm, and everyone just figured it was from the beer sitting near a bonfire in summer.

It was very petty and certainly not something I was proud of doing afterward, but I was pretty drunk, and he was always a huge prick. If I ever run into him again, I might tell him just to see his reaction.


63. Caught In Action

I caught a co-worker stealing my prescription migraine medicine. Management said it was my word against hers and that we weren't allowed to take photos of other employees (or residents- it was an old folk home), so that wasn't technically evidence.

I started filling my purse with dirty socks and sometimes underwear. I knew she was rummaging in it, so I even took some stained panties and rubbed chocolate on them. 

Pretty soon, she faked an injury to get out of work and probably to get painkillers.


64. Filling It Up

At my old work place, there was a woman who would eat other people's food without their consent. The food was stored in the company refrigerator.

She ate mine. I caught her. I got pissed. Also, other people were pissed when they found she was also eating their food.

So we plotted our revenge...

So, every day after I caught her, some of my co-workers and I would buy a dozen donuts in the morning. We would offer her a donut first. "Sure, take two. Three. There's plenty." She would take two or three. We brought candy and left them in a bowl close to her desk. She could not help herself.

Her weight ballooned to unhealthy proportions.

Last I heard, she now has health issues related to bariatrics.


65. Learn Your Lesson

My uncle's a little bit crazy, but his crazy decided on an excellent solution, as his roommate eats his food without permission.

He went to a field, picked a CRAP-TON of mushrooms, and used them to make an incredibly potent Jell-O. He put this Jell-O in their shared fridge with a note stating, "Johnny's Jell-O - Do Not Eat." Well, of course, his Jell-O gets consumed.

He didn't see his roommate for three days, and afterward, his roommate never touched his food.


66. Hear It Loud

My close friend and roommate - at the time, we barely speak anymore - once forced me to tell the guy I was ridiculously interested in that I liked him, and then proceeded to date him a week after she pressured me into doing it. 

I was close friends with both of them, and I kept thinking that there was something between them, but they denied it. They kept denying it until a week after I had already told him and was dealing with some serious heartbreak issues. 

I confronted my friend/roommate if there was something going on with them, and she was like, "Well..." and so I lost all trust in her. Right after I told them both I needed space, the "heating broke in his apartment.”

So he had to stay over at our place (because that's obviously the only logical thing to do??) for a week. A WEEK. I wasn't impressed.

So, one day, I got back from class, and the front door was locked, which only happens if no one is home. I open the door to see the guy's shoes there, but it's super silent. 

Eerily silent. My mind rushes to the conclusion that they were trying to get it on. Even if they weren't, I just wanted to be a huge jerkward because I was tired of their crap. 

So, pretending like I didn't think anyone was home, I grabbed another roommate's speakers that are REALLY loud, plugged my iPod in, and pushed the speakers against the wall (since the walls are paper thin)... I played the Star Wars theme on the highest volume. On repeat. Ten minutes later, they left quietly to go to his place.


67. Batman To The Rescue

Once upon a time, I was waiting for a plane. I had gotten there about an hour early and staked out my comfy seat near the charging station. 

I got up to get some food and asked an elderly gentleman to watch my stuff (which was in the seat for me). When I came back, a woman and her brat were sitting in my seat, and my stuff was just thrown on the floor. 

The elderly gent apologized and said that he said the seat was taken, but the woman asserted that couldn't be done. Perturbed, I gathered my stuff and camped out elsewhere.

When the time to board came, she went on with her kid, and I got in line. Upon seeing where they were sitting on the plane, I decided I had earned some asshole time.

I sat directly in front of the woman and her son (who was like 6 but for whom she still had not purchased a ticket and had sat in her lap, to the annoyance of her aisle mates) and waited. 

Once we had reached cruising altitude, I took out my laptop and started watching Batman: The Animated Series. I suspected it would make the kid a tad rambunctious - craning his head over the seat to watch it, too.

What I did not expect was for him to kick his mother in the face during the endeavor. Her nose was bleeding for the rest of the flight, and one of the flight attendants thought it might be broken.


68. Mind Games

When my brother was 9 or 10, we got into a fight where he was calling me a 'gay homosexual.' While trying to explain to him that this wasn't really an insult, he remained quite adamant about the subject. 

So I told him he wasn't one to talk as he didn't know if he was gay or not. Looking at me perplexed, I explained to him that until he hit puberty at age 13 he wouldn't know where his sexual desires lay, and as such, he may very well be gay himself.

Being the smart and wise older brother, he totally believed me and spent the next three years under the impression he could turn gay any minute. It wasn't until he was actually 13 that he learned I was just messing with his head.


69. Dirty Play

Mine was when I was a kid. I was the first-born grandchild of the family, and I was everyone's baby. Little me enjoyed the attention and had grown used to it until my cousin was born.

Cast into the limelight of this curly-haired, little-nosed boy, my baby rage bid its time until the perfect moment to strike. Not unlike Gollum hiding under the misty mountains, cursing his name.

Cue two years later, when I am 4 and he is 2. We had become very close and were always doing everything together. But the shadow of jealousy was always there. Around this time, he was beginning to learn to use the potty, and I had enough cognitive sense to be a jerkward.

One day he pooped in his potty, and the adults weren't around. But I was. "Go ahead (cousin's name), it's a chocolate bar! It tastes good!" I said in a coaxing voice.

He reaches into his potty, grabs the log, and puts it in his mouth. His cries were thunderous, and my pleasure was great. The sadistic freak was.

His mom, my aunty, comes running and sees her little baby crying his heart out with a poop-covered mouth. I received the most passionate spanking of my life, one I still remember to this day. Totally worth it.


70. Truth Be Told

Not wanting to be "that jerkward" and call the cops, I call up a local cabbie who happens to cut me decent deals when I'm hammered and don't wanna deal with the usual cab b.s.

I tell him I'll throw him 15 bucks to shut the meter off and take the unconscious jerkward over to the house of the person he cheated on me with. 

The cabbie happily obliged, and in the morning, when my ex was found passed out in bed with the person he cheated on me with by said individual's current significant other, all hell broke loose, and both relationships were effectively ended.

My favorite part is that the last thing we ever messaged one another was- Him: You're a prick, and you should stop trying. 

Me: I don't try. I win. (Followed by a picture of Yoda)


71. Indirect Revenge

Once, I had the worst upstairs neighbors ever. Used to let their (home-schooled) kids run back and forth, screaming all day, every day. 

Complained to them, then to the property manager, who did nothing. Eventually, I had to move out, and it was that bad. After giving notice, I got a call from Property Manager Douche, saying the upstairs people wanted to rent my place. 

When would be a good time for them to view it? I let him have it over the phone, then remembered the idiot had forgotten to pick up my original rental agreement/inspection papers.

In the wee hours of the morning, I did a donkey kick right through one of the walls; it was the greatest feeling ever. The house-cooling party I threw a few days later was even better. ;)


72. Sacrificing Comfort

I guess this could be classified under passive aggressive revenge as well as 'petty.' During a recent move, I decided I wanted to try to drive my car from upstate NY to Austin, TX, which ended up being a 33-34 hour drive. 

I planned on doing it in 3 days, but eagerness got the best of me, and I did it in 2. I brought my best friend along to help keep me awake during the drive.

The first day was around 14 hours, the entirety of which I drove. My best friend has the unfortunate quality of not having any common courtesy. 

For example, if I am taking you on a vacation and paying all expenses, it would be nice to have a driving partner, not someone I am driving around like a taxi driver. Within the first hour of the trip, he put his headphones on and went to sleep. This was an annoyance, but I let it slide.

The next day was even longer, and yet again, I drove it all, although I let him drive for about 20 minutes as I was falling asleep at the wheel.

We stopped at the places he asked us to stop at despite the stops taking precious time out of our daylight. The rest of the day was spent similarly to the last. 

He kept quiet, either asleep or with headphones in. During the last hour and a half, I tapped his leg and said politely, "I'm gonna need you to talk to me, goose. Gotta try and keep awake." He responded with a "I'm really not in a talkative mood," which properly pissed me off.

The revenge part comes in when it just so happened to be a strangely cold night for Texas, around passive-aggressive. It was really hot, so I cranked the AC and rolled down the window. 

He asked me if I was really that hot, and I said, yeah, I'm boiling. The rest of the hour and a half was spent turning him into an icicle and grinning to myself quietly. I love the guy, but he's a true prick without even realizing it.


73. Sneaky Pants

One time, when I was about 10, a girl used to pick on me constantly in school. So when we did a cookery class, I decided to strike like a pudgy cobra. 

Every time she looked away from her food, spaghetti, and meatballs, I'd eat a meatball. I kept doing this until, on the last meatball, she caught me. 

After yelling at me and asking what the heck I was doing, I calmly said, "The class should be glad I saved them from having to eat your terrible food." Then she hit me in the face with a whisk.


Pexels, Monstera Production

I worked in an iron ore mine after college, and a co-worker kept eating my lunch! Well, there are no vending machines or take-out when you're a mile underground, so you starve. 

I tried making cat food sandwiches (cheese slices, mustard, and all) and leaving the empty can on the table, but nothing worked. 

One day, I had had enough! Rather than going into the shower/changing room, I went outside, walked up to his car, peeled off the hub cap, dumped in it, and put it back on the car. 

You might think that's pretty gross, but.......I let him drive home and come back the next day before letting the air out of the tire, so he had to change it! Enjoyed my lunch every day after that, lol!


75. Bean-Faced

When I was VERY little (like, 6yo or something, 29 now), I was at the dinner table with my brother (18 months younger than me), and he said something I didn't like (I can't remember what, it was over 20 years ago now!). 

So I reached over, put my hand on the back of his head, and rammed his stupid face into his dinner plate, covering his face in beans and tomato sauce.

Just remembering it right now is making me crack up, and this particular incident still gets brought up every now and then.


76. Brown Teeth

When I was younger, I went to a summer camp. I was a heavier lad and got made fun of a lot by one kid in particular, who was better with girls and very fit. 

One day he really upset me, so I went back to the cabin, took out his toothbrush, and scrubbed my craphole for a good minute. 

Then, whenever I thought he would get to me, I remembered that the tooth I saw in his smile had a little piece of my poop on it.


77. Wedding Scammer

For my first wedding (I've had two), my fiance and I had six months after our engagement to get things just right. Music for the reception was very important to both of us.

So we met with a few DJs, choosing one who was a little older than us but seemed cool and had all of the music we wanted. We made lists, had everything all set, and gave him his $150 deposit. 

We moved in together about three months prior to the wedding and got our new phone number out to everyone, including the DJ, which was a good opportunity to make sure we were still all set. 

Yep, no worries, he said. Our wedding day was a Saturday. We came back from the rehearsal dinner Friday night to find a message on our phone. 

It was him telling us that his sister had gotten married and put together a reception at the last-minute and that he felt like he needed to DJ for her.

Don't worry, he said, I'll send a guy who will do a great job. I've still got all your music, it will be fine. Well, the guy he sent was around eighteen years old, didn't have our music, and had never seen our list, so we had a reception without any meaningful music for the two of us and our friends. 

Then the man threatened to take us to small claims over the remaining $250 of his fee, harassed us over the phone for a few weeks, and, I'm pretty sure, slashed the tires of my car one night.

So we lived in that town for about five more years. Her career ended up taking us out of state. My job was as a real estate title researcher. 

Before we left I checked public records to be sure he was the homeowner of the place where we had met with him, and the night before we left town, I drove past his house and emptied about ten shots from a pellet rifle through the antique leaded glass windows facing the street because I'm a bastard that way.


78. Wedding Revenge

I really liked this kid and wanted to date him but ended up just being the in-between booty call girl because "he wasn't ready for a relationship yet." 

Well, apparently, he was two months after I stopped hooking up with him, and he was engaged less than six months later. He "felt bad" for how he treated me and wanted to stay friends. 

I obliged only because I'm often a doormat. Well, he invited me to his wedding, and I made sure I looked hot as all hell and showed up for the reception when I knew there would be no one else walking in. 

His new wife wouldn't let him sit down and talk to me for more than ten seconds without trying to drag his attention to her.

Went into my work after the reception and talked to a good friend of mine. He stopped mid-sentence and was like, "Wait wasn't it that one kid's wedding today? ... you're a witch. You dressed like that on purpose!" :) win.


79. Teach The Teacher

Partway through a personal tale of the "bad math teachers I had in grade school." I had one math teacher in particular who was insane and horrible at teaching math- or teaching anything else, for that matter. 

At first, I couldn't believe the stories of insanity I was hearing from other classes... until my classmates and I witnessed it ourselves. 

I'm talking temper tantrums, yelling, stomping feet from an adult on the job to students who are a mandated captive audience for 45 minutes every day with this person.

  At the end of the year, I visited a favorite used book store. I found a book from the 1950s titled "How to teach math to middle schoolers" or "How to teach math to the 9th grade". I bought it.  

On the very last day of school, in the chaos of the morning, students arrive in crowded halls and buses, busy parents drive around, and teachers arrive.

I command myself into the school office, found the teacher's mailbox [which was publicly accessible to everyone], push the book in, and leave. 

Five feet out of the office door, I spy the teacher in question and walk into the office, presumably to check her mailbox.

I dash upstairs to my homeroom. I let my friends in on what I just did. I ask the particular friend who had that teacher for homeroom to go check and come back. The friend reported back that the teacher appeared to have been in tears.

No regrets. Years later, after hearing that this particular teacher had left that school 1 year after my time under her deranged mal-instruction, I passed by her and her two kids in a local mall. She was still as insane, frazzled, and deranged as ever before. And I still had no regrets.


80. Too Entitled

A friend of mine is one of those alpha-try-hard jerkwards. He was in my pool one day and started splashing me. I stood up straight and said, "Is that all you got, witch?"

Alpha mode engaged. 

He splashed and splashed and splashed his heart out for a solid 30 seconds while I just stood there. 

The kicker? His tennis shoes, now completely filled with water, were on the ground behind me. "Enjoy your wet shoes, jerkward."


81. Pissing On Pissed

I was around 5 or 6 at school and needed the toilet, I put my hand up, and the teacher said no, I could not go, so I proceeded to piss myself all over the chair and floor, knowing she would have to get it cleaned. 

She tried to tell my parents I had a psychological problem, but when I told them she would just not let me go to the toilet, they went nuts. 

The teacher had her explain herself in front of the principal, and she still tried to say it was a problem with me. From what my mom said, the principal eventually got sick of her trying to blame me and gave her a disciplinary, which meant she would be fired if she allowed it to happen again with any child.


82. Tidy Cold War

I can never let things lie. Most of my life is comprised of petty revenge. To the point of punching inanimate objects if, say, I trip over them. Rubber-band AI has infuriated me into breaking more than one Mario Kart game disc/cartridge in my life.

I think the person who has, over the years, felt my ire the most would be my mother, though. See, she'd deny it to her grave, but she's a neat freak. But only when it comes to things that aren't hers.

Magazines, spare pairs of reading glasses, notebooks, boxes of tissues - all these things are apparently just fine to leave out on tables or the mantelpiece or even on my chair. 

But my Gameboy/s, or books I was reading, or sketchpads? Heck no. Those have to be hidden like it's Easter, and I'm an excitable 5-year-old kid again. 

Most of the time, not even in the room, I would have cause to reasonably use the item in question. Sketchbooks? In the kitchen, obviously.

Console controllers/remotes? Why, in my bedroom, even though the consoles are in the living room! Duh! Pencils? Well, the most obvious place for those to go would be in the jewelry box in her room!

None of my attempts to negotiate this ever produced any meaningful result. My things still went missing irritatingly often.

So, my anger took on two forms, chosen by my characteristic sense of whimsy. Since she loved tidying my stuff so much, I figured the least I could do would be to give her more opportunities to do so. 

So every time I had to root through drawers or cupboards for my stuff, I'd leave whatever I displaced while looking wherever it may have fallen.

The second would be taking something of hers and "tidying" it into a totally obscure place. On top of cabinets in the kitchen she could never hope to reach, or in the garage, things like that.

When pressed, I'd smile innocently and say, "The clutter around here was just bugging me, so I put your [item] [wherever I’d hidden it].  I'd have thought you'd look there, and it's the most LOGICAL place for it!" The Tidy Cold War has raged for years now and shows no signs of stopping.


83. The Snipers

When I was in third grade, my teacher was a sixty-something hefty lady with perm hair who treated us horribly. She regularly (as in every other day) used us to haul in her cases of Snapple and other items she would consume throughout the day. 

Finally, I had become fed up with her crap after carrying an uncomfortably heavy box of beverages and devised a plan with a friend to steal staples whenever she was away from the room or inside her office. 

We would then proceed to shoot said staples by placing them between our teeth and applying pressure to the pointed ends. 

We participated in this often enough so that we were able to aim the projectiles precisely into the teacher's hair without her knowledge. Each day, the children of our room would watch as dozens of staples fell from her perm at every movement.


84. Treat Loyal Customers Better

Keep in mind this was over 20 years ago. In any event, I was going to this nightclub regularly on my weekends. Over a few months, I felt like I had built a rapport with the employees. 

Then, one night, out of the blue, they were incredibly rude to me. In retrospect, it was probably because they were getting heat because they were a club notorious for serving underaged adults (although I was 22 at the time). 

So, after they were rude to me, I started committing petty vandalism in their bathroom for the next few weeks. Basically, I would clog up their toilet with toilet paper, take a dump, then flush it until it overflowed. 

It was the perfect act of vandalism because it caused no property damage. Even if you got caught, you could say, "Gee man, I just took a dump. I didn't know it was clogged until I flushed," and it caused immense grief to the club. Yes, this is not something I would do nowadays.


85. Instant Confession

In college, I was assigned a group project with two other students. One partner was great and did everything he was supposed to. 

The other, not so much. He failed to write his 5-page portion of our 15-page paper, forcing me to compensate for his ineptitude. 

In class, I told him that since he did not do any work, I did not put his name on the essay. After class, he ran to the professor to explain. 

I did put his name on the essay, but he effectively admitted to the professor his lack of effort. We still all got the same grade.


86. Reach It, Miss

In high school, I had a very sour old woman for Algebra. She was very mean and an awful teacher, but she was only about four feet tall. 

In her classroom, there was a set of steps in front of the whiteboard so she could reach to write on it. Whenever she was absent, which was quite frequent, she was sick a lot. 

She actually kept all of her used tissues on her desk, but that's a story for another time. We would take the markers from the little lip below the whiteboard and place them very precariously on top where she couldn't reach them. Then we would take the box of extras and put them on top of the TV cabinet.


87. Little Bad Boy

I had an art class in my junior year of high school (84-85 school year) with a boy. He was kind of a jerkward. One day, a bunch of us were sitting around in class talking and such. 

I had spent most of that period forming my kneaded rubber erase into the Mimic from the AD&D Monster Manual. Basically, it's a treasure chest with a fist forming out of it. 

I said something sarcastic, and he reached over, snatched it from my hand, and squished it. I was pretty pissed. At the end of the week, our teacher returned our pastel pictures after grading them. 

This was the last period of the day, and Scott left him on the table when he left. I took it, went out through the doorway of a connecting class, ripped it to shreds, and threw it away.

That next Monday, he confronted me about it. He had found out I was one of the last people to leave and threatened to "freaking end me" in a way that came off as very, very serious.

He was arrested over the next summer. I'm not completely sure of the timeline, but I think my confrontation with him happened not long after the event.


88. Lock Pickers

This is one of my favorite stories to tell. So, when I was a sophomore in college, my roommate bought a lockpick set to mess around with. 

After a few hours of practice, we found out that it is extremely easy to pick low-quality padlocks (like, 1 second to pick), and even the ~$20 master locks can become pretty easy (maybe 3 seconds) with a few minutes of learning the particular lock.

A year later, we were in a different dorm with a bunch of freshmen. The electrical box on his wing didn't have a lock on it so that the jerkwards would get drunk or bored or whatever and flip everyone's power off just to be punks. 

One day, we were looking at something on his desktop when the power went out. We look out, and sure enough, jerkwards are being jerkwards.

We plot our revenge: 4 am the next morning, we go to the other wing (where most of the punks' rooms are), pick the lock using our previous experience, and discretely shut off the power.

We slap on the master lock we had practiced with a year earlier. The maintenance guy wasn't able to cut off our lock till around 3 pm the next day. Boom witches. I am not sure if anyone missed a midterm, but I still like to think so. XD


89. Neglected Dryer

I used to live in a dinky apartment complex with a crap dryer in the laundry room that was always marking up my clothes. All my light-colored stuff came out of the dryer with black marks.

They were all through them, marks that wouldn't come out. The apartment manager knew about it (there were many complaints besides my own) but would never do anything about it.

I took a cue from a book I read as a kid called Get Even: the Encyclopedia of Dirty Tricks and dumped a cheese pizza into it with a fistful of quarters. Ruined that dryer dead, and within a week, we had a new one.


90. Naughty Husband

I am a pretty good dancer. I dance cha-cha, shag, swing, west coast swing - you know, connected dancing like you see on Dancing with the Stars. 

I was dancing with Kelly, an often drunk blond, who was wearing an incredibly short leather skirt showing her awesome legs. 

We were dancing at this incredibly crowded restaurant called Houck's near Atlanta, GA. The small dance floor is surrounded by tables. 

As we danced, there were a couple of chairs pushed back from the table. I pushed them back under the table to give us more room.

I saw this woman across the room, giving me a look of absolute disgust. She marched over, pulled both chairs out, sat in one, and put her legs on the other. She sat there glaring at me. Her 50-something husband soon joined her.

I could see that he had a keen interest in Kelly's legs. I pulled Kelly around and slowly dipped her with her legs aimed right at him. He cocked his head down, clearly looking right up her skirt.

I looked over at his fuming wife, who gave her a grin and wink. She smacked him in the head, grabbed her stuff, and walked out. Hubby went running after her. I pushed the chairs back and continued dancing. It was a night to remember.


91. Not Only A Landlord

I had a roommate in college who never paid her share of the rent, and because we were signed jointly on the place, we were both responsible if one of us didn't pay the rent, so I always ended up having to cover her. 

I tried talking to the landlord about it, and he would just tell me that if she wasn't paying her share, I had to figure it out because if he kicked one of us out, he had to kick both of us out. 

There were seriously no other apartments available. She always preached to me about Jesus and about how I should be praying and going to church and all this crap. 

Her parents were super religious, and her mom and all these people from her church would come over after service every week and hang out all day going over the bible.

One night, I came home from work early and caught her making out with our landlord and snuck back out before she knew I was there.   

Decided to do a little digging around and found out she had been sleeping with him for 7 months, and that's why he never cared if she didn't pay the rent. 

I found a bunch of photos they had been taking together in bed. I printed them off and put them in the pile of bible verses she kept in the living room for after church.

So her mom and all these people from her church came over and started handing out the papers when everyone suddenly started getting really upset and leaving.

I also sent a copy of the photos to him and told him that from now on, I would only be paying half of the rent and that it looked like her share was already covered.


92. High Maintenance Roommate

I lived in a house with 6 other guys (no, not prison). One of them was a complete slob, an utter waste of space. Would just get high all day and stink the place up.

He then goes to taco bell and leaves old wrappers and packets of that crappy taco bell sauce all over the house. He lived in the basement and had a window on the ground level to the driveway. 

One night, during a party, after plenty of booze, with his window open, I just pissed all over his desk. I probably should have been an adult and had a conversation with him, but this felt a lot better.


93. The Golden Shower

My neighborhood friend's cousin or something came over to play a lot. He was a total jerkward. We were having a Super Soaker battle.

He literally picked up rocks and threw them at kids. I peed in my Super Soaker chamber and shot a tiny yet precisely accurate stream onto the top of his head.

He stood there taking the hits as a display of mockery. He had no clue he was getting a freaking golden shower.


94. The Sleeping Beauty

  My first job was at a particularly busy, famous fast food chain. Every day, there was this disgusting, mean old woman who would come in looking like she had just popped out of an 80s exercise video.  

She then would order a double burger and a cup of decaf coffee (it had to be decaf or else she "wouldn't be able to sleep that night") and then pass out in the corner of the restaurant. 

If that order wasn't prepared in under a minute, she would raise hell and cuss and want to talk to the manager. So I started giving that witch caffeinated coffee with espresso shots.


95. Reap What You Sow

Last semester, I had a huge group project due in Engineering. In my group of 4 NO ONE but me did anything. I scheduled times for us to meet and work on it; they all agreed.

Lo and behold, no one showed up. No one texted me saying they couldn't make it. So, I spent 3 weeks doing the whole project by myself. 

When I turned it in, I only wrote my name. The professor called us all into his office and asked why only my name was on the report. I explained the situation. 

I got an automatic A+ in the class, and my professor failed the other 3. Revenge and justice. I see them around campus every now and then, and I just give them a friendly smile. Feels good man.


96. No To Road Rage

I just had one this morning on my drive to work. I was making a right-hand turn, and there was a pedestrian about to cross, so I waved them ahead.

The guy in a silver BMW M3 (great car) behind me starts honking like a jerkward. It turned out we were going the same way for about 20 miles. 

I'd go slow enough to make him change lanes, then speed up so he got stuck behind someone else.

The guy in a silver BMW M3 (great car) behind me starts honking like a jerkward. It turned out we were going the same way for about 20 miles. 

I'd go slow enough to make him change lanes, then speed up so he got stuck behind someone else.


97. Just A Chair

In college, my freshman roommate was this pompous douche, first in his graduating class of like 12 people, who had bought a fancy chair from IKEA before coming to college. 

The rest of us had to use standard dorm room chairs. I didn't really care about the chair, but my roommate made it a point to brag about the chair to anyone who entered the room.

He would tell them to sit in it, feel how amazing it was, and then let them know that I was not allowed to sit in the chair. Well, fine.

I tried to be a good roommate. Bought him a music CD on his birthday even though I hardly knew him. I fielded calls from an ex-girlfriend who needed someone to talk to (and ended up becoming my friend over him because I would actually listen to her). 

Despite all that, he still had this strange animosity toward me, so one day after he left for class, I wheeled his special chair down the hall into the restroom and parked it in front of the urinals so people could pee sitting down. 

He went almost insane with rage about this, in part because someone (a friend) saw me do it and, after I'd left, wheeled the chair down to his room to hide it, also knowing how stupidly proud he was of it.

Also, while he was away on Christmas Break, I took this large magnet I'd gotten from a stereo speaker and clamped it on his monitor so that for the rest of the year, he had this ugly, doughnut-shaped color on his screen.


98. Fun Plot

A guy in my town asked me out on a date, and I had a wonderful first and then second date with him. On the third date, we made out, and then, like a charm, he was gone. 

It pissed me off, but it was all so fast that I understood why. 4 months later, he randomly contacted me and wanted to meet up again. 

On the day that he contacted me, I was in a particularly bad mood, and I was very frustrated with the opposite sex. I happily told him I would meet him for a drink.

I called one of my guy friends, who happens to be a pretty big/intimidating-looking guy. So I show up at the bar and sit down with guy 1…

It's awkward and obvious to me that he just wants to get a few drinks in me so he can hook up with me. After about 10 minutes, guy 2 (my friend) sends a drink down the bar to me. 

I acted completely surprised and waved at my friend. Guy 1 gets really quiet like he doesn't know what to do, and Guy 2 walks over to me at the bar. 

He touches my forearm, looks me straight in the eye, and says, "Hey, cutie, what's your name?" I told him, continued to act surprised, and had this deer-in-the-headlights smile plastered on my face.  

My friend then asked me if I wanna "Get out of here," I said, "Sure," and just hopped up and left with him, leaving guy 1 sputtering at the bar.


99. Unfair Treatment

One time, while my little brother was getting gas, I went inside and asked if they had a bathroom. The guy told me it was for customers only and that I wasn't the one getting gas, so I couldn't use it. I bought a soda.

When I went into the bathroom, I saw it had a regular toilet. I turned the water off, flushed once to empty the tank, and took a massive, nasty, I've-only-eaten-truck-stop-food-today dump in the tank, then replaced the lid.

Walked out, told my brother we had to leave now, and when we stopped again, I'd buy him whatever he wanted, but we had to leave now. I left the soda on the counter. :(


100. Bad Listener

When I was in high school, I got what I believed to be an unfair grade on a paper by a witch of a teacher. She was the type of English teacher who thought she was Shakespeare himself or something. 

Anyway, I go in during lunch to ask her about my paper. She doesn't even listen to me. She had a bathroom in her classroom, and she walked into it and washed a pear she was going to eat. 

She was talking rudely to me and saying things like 'Well, I don’t think you addressed the symbolism properly," and walking around like she was in a rush. 

Then she told me she needed to go down to the front office to do something and didn't have time for me, and she and I walked out of the room.

But I was angry. And she didn't lock her door. So I returned to the room, picked up her wet pear, walked into the bathroom, dipped it into the toilet, and then put it back on her desk. I don't regret it.