1. You See What You Seek
I film and edit promotional videos, then post them on my company’s YouTube channel. The day after I uploaded a particular run-of-the-mill video, my manager called me into his office because one of our douchebag directors (who hates our department and loves undermining me in particular) sent an email to my manager and a few higher-ups.
In the email he stated that I had messed up the promo video, because there were “all of these other disgusting videos attached to it.” As proof, he included a screenshot of the end of the video, where all of the recommended videos appeared to star scantily-clad Asian women in suggestive poses.
Neither he nor my manager knew how YouTube algorithms worked, and that the videos were suggested because he (or someone on his account) viewed that kind of content before. I have no idea how my manager explained this to him.
sarcastinymph
2. It’ll Burn Your Eyes
I was picking up my date (future wife) when her valedictorian roommate turned quickly away from the TV and said in all seriousness “Don’t look, they’re welding! It will damage your eyes”.
She got more serious as I continued to look back and forth at the TV and her. She actually yelled “It’s going to blind you!” I then asked her “So when your TV is showing an image of the sun…” That’s as far as I got.
You could see the wave of embarrassment wash over her face, she immediately started laugh/crying and begging me not to tell anyone. She’s cute and funny and couldn’t be more happier that we’re together
El_Dentistador
3. Cough It Up
My dad is a software engineer and pretty smart. When my twin and I were about 7, he was the only one home with us when he started coughing up blood. Except he didn't tell anyone and decided to just wait for my mom to get home instead of getting someone else to look after us and going to the hospital.
My mom was so annoyed when she got home and he casually mentioned the coughing up blood thing. Turned out he had bronchopneumonia and had to spend a couple weeks in the hospital. Even had to have his heart stopped and started again.
He almost died because he decided coughing up blood wasn't an emergency. My mom couldn’t stress it out enough that in these kinds of situations he always… ALWAYS… needs to ask for help no matter who he’s with.
2_lazy
4. Within Arm’s Reach
As a lifeguard we had a rule that very young kids needed an adult in the water within arm's reach in the main pool. I saw this mom and her 5 year old walk in. Mom is wearing jeans and on her phone, clearly not planning on swimming. I anticipate the issue and go to talk to her before the kid gets in.
I explain our policy, that the pool is 4 ft deep minimum and that the policy is for the safety of the child, that having a parent close by who can respond in case of drowning immediately is by far faster than relying on the lifeguard to get down, jump in and swim all the way out for a rescue.
She says it's a stupid policy, that her kid is a fantastic natural swimmer, that they take him to the lake and he swims just fine, that I'm just harassing her, that I just don't want to do my job, all the classic offended parent BS.
Literally while she's telling me this, the kid runs and jumps into the pool. His dog paddles about 10 feet away from the edge, and then goes into active drowning, requiring a rescue from my other lifeguard, who thankfully was basically already there to catch the kid.
She signed the refusal of care and left quicker than anyone I had ever seen. Felt bad for the kid, she seemed almost mad at him for making her look like an idiot.
BTDubbsdg
5. Sweet Potatoes vs. Yams
When I worked as a cashier in a grocery store people would always want to argue about their produce. They would bring up heads of iceberg lettuce and then argue with me that they were green cabbage, or vice versa.
I would always just smile, avoid the product, and then charge them for what they thought it was. The best was seeing people come back later pissed that their cole slaw didn't work.
The best, though, was the "sweet potato vs yam" argument that I would have with people several times during the week leading up to Thanksgiving. Most of what we sell in the U.S. are sweet potatoes, though some sweet potatoes grown in one state (Louisiana?) are the "yam" variety of the sweet potato.
But people often call them yams and will fight you over it, even though true yams are hard to find unless your store stocks stuff for Latin American customers. We did, but yams were rarely in stock and always more expensive than sweet potatoes.
Anyway, sweet potatoes would go on sale for the holiday and people would buy lots of them. Every time I rang them up, I would get told that they were yams and that I was dumb for not knowing that. So I would avoid them and ring them up as yams for four times the price.
When customers would want the sale price I would kindly remind them that I had tried to give them the sale price but that they had asked me to ring them up as yams instead.
Jameseatscheese
6. Hot & Cold
When I was in 8th grade, we’d just learned about the seasons and earth’s rotation and all that. To my surprise, my teacher taught us that the Earth is actually closest to the sun during winter! But it’s cold because of the tilt on the axis, not because of proximity to the sun. The tilt determines the seasons.
And then soon after that I went to math class and my math teacher said something about how it was freezing because we are so far from the sun. And of course I piped up to tell him he was wrong according to what Mr. Science Teacher had just taught us.
My math teacher went off, ripping into me so hard in front of the class! (It was light hearted— he was known for being funny and making fun of kids all the time).
Him and I were going back and forth for a while, and I specifically remember him saying “Oh yeah, cuz when I’m cold I move away from the fire!! Yeah that makes perfect sense!”
And I kept arguing “No no it’s because of the Earth’s tilt!” And so finally he googled it and I was right! He at least gave me credit and admitted he was wrong after that lol.
AnAliebn99
7. Challenge Accepted
My brother is an EMT/firefighter that spends his free time exploring the outdoors, traveling, and reading every book on the planet. Super interesting to talk too and the amount of knowledge and experience this man has had in his young life is absolutely mindblowing.
That being said when we were teens at a party, he was completely drunk and someone dared him to eat some grass (who knows why) and he grabs as much as he can in the backyard and starts munching away saying “Oooh so good so good might be the best thing I’ve ever had hereeee” .
I looked on at the debacle unfolding before me in horror and that’s when I saw it. Apparently, he also had a mouth full of dog crap that must have been on that grass he grabbed. When I told him he puked on the spot, I loved that intellectual idiot. To this day he hates when I bring it up, but I just can’t help myself.
Jovi42
8. Quiet, Everyone!
One night during high school, my friend and I got invited to a party. I didn't drive back then, so my friend picked me up. All went well on our way to the party. On the way back however, he got pulled over.
As we were pulling to the side of the road, I told him that I was gonna pretend to be sleeping (since I was the passenger). Anyway, I hear the cop get out of his cop car, walk towards our car, stop at the window but doesn't say anything. I can feel the brightness of his flashlight but I don't hear him or my friend say anything.
After about what seemed like an eternity, I decided to open my eyes to see what's going on. That's when I see my friend, the guy who is driving, is pretending like he is sleeping too. I don’t know what was in his mind honestly.
Puppetz1287
9. Cycle Of Life
I was in 8th grade. We had the 17 year old cicadas making an appearance where I live and I was explaining to my science teacher how I had tons of seagulls by my house, eating the cicadas.
She proceeded to tell me over and over that we do not have seagulls in our area because we do not live by a body of water. Lake Michigan was 45 mins away. I said, well I definitely have seagulls in my yard eating cicadas.
A week or so later, she comes back with a newspaper with a big picture of Seagulls on it. They were hanging out in the suburbs to eat the cicadas. She admitted she was wrong.
But like, my entire life... cicadas or not we’ve had seagulls in parking lots... this lady must not have been from around here. We just had more because of the cicadas...
Leeshylift
10. Till Pregnancy Do Us Apart
This girl I used to work with before she got fired was special. One day she came to work with a broken arm and claimed her boyfriend pushed her during a fight and she fell. We all were super concerned for her.
Until she came in a week later saying she stabbed her boyfriend in the hand during a fight to get back at him for breaking her arm.
Then a few weeks later she told everyone she was secretly trying to get pregnant, because if she got pregnant her unemployed boyfriend would have to get a job and help pay rent.
She got pregnant and her boyfriend immediately dumped her. I genuinely don’t know what’s going through these people’s heads. I don’t even know what she did with her pregnancy as she left work soon after.
booger-burger69
11. Guess You Were Right
A Dutch couple visited my workplace (tourist visitor center) and insisted that the French translation on our map was wrong. The reasoning was that "Groenland" shouldn't be there because it was the Dutch word for "Greenland", not the French one.
I told them that "Groenland" was also the French translation, to which they chided back, "And how would you know?"
"I'm bilingual. I speak French." I was informed.
"Clearly, not very well!" they insisted, then proceeded to ask for the wifi so they could use Google translate.
Well, I gave them the wifi, and to Google translate they went. Sure enough! "Groenland".
They didn't even apologize, they just said "I guess the map is correct then" and left. Jerks.
Some_Hot_Garbage
12. Thousands Of Years Worth Of Nothing
I am sure if I thought real hard I could come up with someone more stupid, but this story is pretty good. There was this receptionist at the veterinary office we have taken our dogs to over the years who argued with my dad about how to pronounce his own name.
He went in to pick up some prescription, something for our dog Daisy and this girl asked the typical "name of dog, name of owner" type questions.
"We have it listed as Michelle and you don't look like a Michelle," she says. Dad asked how it was spelled on the monitor and sure enough it was still spelled "Michael".
He said "That says Michael. That's my name." And she argued with him about it! He had to get his driver's license out to show her, and even though she finally relented to let him pick up whatever it was he was down there to pick up, she was adamant my dad has been
mispronouncing his own name for 50+ years.
The best part is Dad tells us this whole story and we think nothing of it until like 3 months later when Mom took the dog in for a check up. The girl still thought the owner of the dog was "Michelle" and that my mom must be in a lesbian relationship.
Mom gently corrected the lady that it was Michael and again this girl was adamant it was pronounced Michelle.
Mom, bemused, said something along the lines of "It's literally a name from the Bible. It's pronounced Michael and has been for thousands of years." The receptionist sat in silence outside of the minimal amount of talking needed for the rest of that visit.
[deleted]
13. Beep!
My sister. My wonderful sister. So intelligent, educated… but dang. They had their house inspected and the inspector found an issue with their gas heat. Called in a repairman and it turns out they were having lower levels of carbon monoxide leaking into their home.
Someone came in and repaired the whole thing. Still we couldn’t understand how something like could’ve happened. So my family decided to question her to see what was going on.
When my mom asked her why she didn’t have several working detectors she answered “well I did, but one just wouldn’t quit beeping”. This was 10 years ago and we still bring it up all the time. Thankfully everyone turned out to be ok, but that wouldn’t have been the case much longer.
momx3f
14. Nothing Beats A Salty Cookie
When I was in the Navy, there was a cook on my ship. He once served "rare" chicken. I genuinely couldn't tell whether he was trying to cover up his limitless incompetence or if he genuinely believed that rare poultry is a real thing.
He was dumb enough to believe it. Another time, he just filled a pan with ground beef and called it meat loaf. Another time he was supposed to make sugar cookies, you know, several hundred of them for the whole crew.
He didn't bother to read the label on the container he opened, and apparently he didn't taste the batter at any point, and he actually made salt cookies. He used up all the remaining salt in the pantry and we had unseasoned food for the remaining several weeks of the mission, during which time the captain assigned someone to be the cook's bodyguard.
AuspiciousAuspicious
15. Everyone Is An Idiot
I had a boss who thought everyone was an idiot. One morning, the computer in the office wasn't working. She asks me if I know anything about computers. I tell her that I've used one before.
She tells me to check the computer in the office and see if I can figure out why it stopped working. I press the power button and she calls me a moron, telling me that she had already tried that herself.
I get under the desk for a moment then come back up. I tell her to press the power button again. It comes right on. She asked me what was wrong with it.
I told her it was unplugged.
Sarchasm-Spelunker
16. Africa Is A Country
So my SO was assigned a group project to write about how their major works in different countries of the world. Like MajorXYZ in China, Japan, Canada, Russia, etc.
My SO's group was assigned to Africa. Yes, as in the country of Africa. They tried to tell the professor that obviously Africa is not a country, but the professor was adamant.
They eventually just decided to pick one country inside Africa to base the whole project on, which one of them had lived in for 30+ years before coming to the US.
The kicker... this was at a HBCU. Historically Black College/University.
SalsaRice
17. Lesson Learned
Where we are, you don’t mess with jellyfish. They mess you up. My partner, post-grad, civil engineer, super rational, smart, measured, not at all impulsive human being walking along the water’s edge at the start of jellyfish season:
Sees a mass in the water. “That looks like a jellyfish”. Kicks the mass. Toe connects with mass. “Crap. It was a rock.” I don’t know what he thought would happen if he kicked an actual jellyfish… I’m just happy it turned out to be just a rock.
Having gotten over my amazement at the stupidity I just witnessed, I pocketed the rock. Gave it to him as a congratulations at your amazing career promotion, just to remind him he is not immune to errors of judgment.
eightyfivenumbers
18. Not So Stupid, Right?
I lived in Germany for a year after high school as part of an exchange program, and there were several times where I had to make phone calls.
I had to call doctors, employers, program coordinators, etc. so I got fairly used to the whole telephone garb in german. I could speak pretty fluently on the phone, but since it’s not my native language I would of course make small grammatical errors and stuff like that.
This led to the unfortunate situation where people would assume I was German when on the phone because I spoke well enough, but since I kept making mistakes I was also stupid.
People were quite rude to me over the phone, assuming that was due to the assumed stupidity. After revealing I was actually a foreigner they always sounded so surprised and complimentary of my German and were much more helpful and polite afterwards.
chadwick7865
19. Know Who You’re Messing With
Corporate trainer came to our offices to provide training. I popped into the room to say hello and see if she needed help. She was having trouble setting up the projector before the session. I started trying to help but I’m not really savvy with projectors.
She was getting frustrated with me as she assumed I was the IT dude, and obviously not a very good one. We eventually got it fixed, and I offered her a coffee. She was a bit rude to me by that stage. I got her one anyway.
Fast forward to the session itself, and I introduced her to the room of 40 people and thanked her for coming. She realized I was the head of the division and was the one paying for her to be there.
I felt very smug at that point.
thatshowitisisit
20. Mascots
My dad is darn near a genius. The man has no less than seventeen patents, most of them about medical devices like infusion pumps. A couple weeks ago, we were talking about the University of Chicago’s mascot, which happens to be a Phoenix.
Now, university of Chicago athletes are known as “Maroons.” My dad looked at the Phoenix and said “so that’s what a maroon is?” I said, “what? Dad, maroon is a color.” He didn’t believe me until I found a color wheel type thing showing maroon.
Turns out when he was a kid he used to watch a lot of Looney Tunes, where Bugs would say “what a maroon” in reference to dumb people. He spent his whole life thinking a maroon was some kind of animal akin to a dodo bird
GallopYouScallops
21. Saved By My Own Stupidity
A bunch of guys apparently tried to hijack the car that me and my grandparents (who don't speak English) were in while my family was on vacation in Florida. This was in a Holiday Inn parking lot and my parents had gone back inside to get suitcases.
The guys said through the half-opened window that we had a flat tire and we needed to get out to check it. They abruptly left when my parents came back. I told my parents what happened and strangely enough, our tires seemed totally fine.
The stupid part is that I was seven years old and the only reason I didn't open the door and put us all at risk was because I literally didn't know HOW to open the door of a car. Like, my parents had never showed me and someone had always done it for me.
I was an incredibly stupid kid; in this case, the stupid canceled out and saved my dumb self.
strictlypersonal
22. Maths Issues
My friend M is really good at math. She literally minored in it for fun. She’s capable of doing extremely complicated operations in her mind. Quite impressive really. But turns out she’s just as easy to fool as us.
One day, we were walking along, and she said "guys, I saw something on Facebook this morning - we're only 81 years from the year 3000." (This was in 2019.) We started laughing initially.
I thought she was making fun of the silly Facebook people. Then she said "isn't that crazy?" And then I realized that my friend who enjoyed calculus... Genuinely thought that 2019+81=3000.
I had to break it to her gently. I will never let her live it down.
ParsnipPizza2
23. Must’ve Been New Or Something
This one lady at Atlanta's Beer, Bourbon & BBQ Festival who clearly didn't know where she was. I'm getting started on this rack of ribs, quietly minding my own business with a glass of beer.
Suddenly, from the group in front of me this lady comes up to me and tells me how she can't stand the smell of meat, roasted or smoked, and tells me to get away from there. This is despite the fact that the event's name has Barbecue in it and she had to pay $40 to get in.
After she left, I had a good chuckle and facepalm with another lady at the table, but God, I've never seen anything more stupid in my life! Hope she figured out where she was.
varunagrawal
24. Nothing Makes Me Grin More
I am an application developer in the public sector. I have made many of the computer programs where I work such as the Human Resources, incident reporting, and some of the case management systems.
Several times I have had people try to tell me, wrongly, how to use an application that I made. I especially like it when they tell me I should “ask the people at the company”. Uh, what company would that be?
I tell them that it is very flattering that they think that the software was made by an entire company instead of by me alone in my office. They pretty much shut up after that and act awkward. It’s my favorite part of the day.
imk
25. Gotta Love Messing With Them
Guy in my aircraft technician class. I'll call him Jim. The module at the time was about electrical power. We were having a review one Friday before the exam started. Earlier that week we had covered the batteries used on the aircraft, what types, how they were constructed, etc.
Trainer turns to Jim and asks him about the different types, expecting him to say 'lead-acid, lithium-ion' and so on. Nope. Jim thinks for a moment and says 'AA, AAA, C...' When we got to the hangar for work experience, the same trainer had lost all faith in Jim. We were all assigned jobs in the morning.
Me and another guy on wings, a couple more on landing gear, all down through the group. Then he gets to Jim. Placed an A4 sheet of paper on the ground and told Jim to stand on it so it didn't blow away. We all laughed, Jim included. The trainer was joking, right?
He wasn't joking. Jim stood there all day.
[deleted]
26. Sorry I Don’t Speak German
I've had to defend my non-existent German whilst working in tourism in Northern Norway. (I worked as a rock climbing/kayak/surfing/hiking guide.) Some German tourists ask something in German. And I inform them in English that I'm sorry but I don't understand. I don't speak German.
At first they look at me confused and then continue in German. I then tell them again in Norwegian, Swedish, French and English that I don't understand. This lady then switches to perfect English and asks me angrily why I don't speak German!?
I look at her and say: "Because.... We're in Norway?..."
She basically huffs angrily and walks out and I start talking to her husband instead.
Took them on some rock climbing the next day. The lady didn't speak to me at all at first but after we started climbing up on a fairly long ridge climb she opened up, actually apologized and we had a great tour after that.
albin294
27. How Could You Be This Dumb?
There was this guy at my high school that wasn't too bright and was mostly harmless but about halfway through, decided he was gonna be a thug. One day he goes into a class of first years when their teacher wasn't there.
He robbed all their electronics, cash and valuables at knife point without covering his face and before he left gave them his real name saying, "And you better not tell them it was me Jim Conrad that stole all your stuff." He then proceeded to leave school grounds with all the stolen stuff.
However, he decided against stashing it off campus and so came back with all the stolen stuff in his backpack and went back to spy on the class with his backpack full of loot while police officers were there taking statements to make sure they weren't ratting him out.
He was expelled and arrested and when word got to our year group everyone just facepalmed.
Not-an-Ocelot
28. Why Not Just Mind Your Own Business?
We work with various agencies. A director at work tried to rat me out in front of the other directors and our boss by saying I wasn't providing services to 2 places, one which I claim I am. I told everyone why the one site didn't get any services.
The site wasn't eligible for the services he was talking about. It was a zoom meeting so I asked to share my screen. I showed them the proof that this site wasn't eligible.
I then asked why he thought they were, why he felt it upon himself to check in on my office's sites, and why he felt the need to make sure I was doing my job since he wasn't my supervisor, director, and didn't work in my office.
Come to find out he decided to check to see if they were getting their needs met because he had learned I also wasn't providing services at another site I claimed was getting services. I was easily able to prove that they indeed did get the services and he was talking to the wrong person.
In the end he looked like a jerk who was overstepping and possibly trying to get me fired or steal our funding, and I looked competent and professional. People are still mad at him for this and no longer believe anything he says.
daisydoom456
29. What Ifs
I once called an Uber driver. When he arrived, he immediately asked me: "Are you going to (X location?)?". I said: "No." He responded: "Great, because I'm not going to take you to (X location)." "Fine", I said.
The journey got underway, and I was curious as to what he would've done if I'd said that yes, I wanted to go to X location. So I asked him: "Hey, what would you have done if I had said that I DID want to go to X location?" He responded: "Look man, I'm not going to freaking take you to X location, OK? I told you already."
I was a bit befuddled, but I tried again: "No, no, I don't want to go there. In fact, you already know where I want to go, it's on your destination map. I'm just curious, what if I DID want to go to X location? Would you have refused me the trip? Would you have driven off?"
He said: "Look man, I can't change the trip now. And anyway I told you I refuse to go to X location. You gotta understand I'm busy."
We spent nearly 15 minutes with variations of this back and forth. He was a fluent English speaker, by the way. By the end of it, I was 100% convinced that he couldn't understand the syntax of a hypothetical. He literally couldn't understand the question "if (X situation which is NOT the case) then what action would you take?"
I wasn't even mad, just astonished. How had he navigated through life thus far? What were his financial decisions like? I really wanted to follow him home and make a reality TV show about him or something.
[deleted]
30. Eye Drops
I feel like half my brain is a supercomputer and the other half is a potato clock. I’m sure a lot feel the same way. However, mine’s just been lagging a lot recently.
One time I was at work and was putting in eye drops. I used one hand to hold my eye open and the other to drip in the drops. Repeat for the other eye. So far everything is going smoothly.
Since I'm done with the eye drops I go to take a drink of water and with one hand pick up the bottle, and with the other hand. I try to manually open my mouth. I looked around and no one was dying of laughter, so I assume no one saw.
ChameleonSting
31. How To Become A House Owner
I worked with a man named Roy. Roy had theories about how to live life. Royconomics. One day, he turned to me and the other member of the crew. "You boys wanna know how you get nice things?" he asked. "You go to the store, and you finance everything. New furniture, new appliances, televisions, stereos, everything. Then, you don't make any payments, and you don't show up for your court date. They'll end up garnishing your wages, but they take way less than the payments would have been!"
Then, about a week later, "You boys wanna know how you buy a house? You apply for every credit card you can possibly get, you take out your entire balance in cash from all of them, and you use that for your down payment. Then, you don't make any payments, and you don't show up for your court date."
For people thinking that they may know this specific Roy, I last saw him 10 years ago. At that time, he was in his early fifties, was rocking a gray/blonde skullet, and lived in a hamlet in the province of Saskatchewan.
Toorelad
32. Permanent Ink
When I did tattoos, I had a guy come into the shop that wanted "Mr. 113" on his wrist. Not really all that out of the ordinary. We got it drawn up, my co worker placed it and she started to do the tattoo.
As soon as she starts, the guy screams in pain and jumps up.
"What the hell is in that thing?! Is there a needle in there?! That stuff hurts!"
What?! This guy was in his 30s or 40s. How do you not know how tattoos are done?! He said, "I don't know. Just thought it was some permanent ink or something."
The guy went outside for almost an hour to smoke and I guess hype himself up. He got the outline done at least, but couldn't take the pain anymore and didn't get it filled. Still can't believe he didn't know tattoos were done with a needle.
michonne_impossible
33. Sun Sets In The… South?
My wife and I were traveling with a couple we worked with in South Korea. We weren't best friends with them but they were nice enough so we rented a car and traveled around the island of Jeju.
Now, this is a small island and you could drive around it in 4 or 5 hours but we were taking our time seeing the sights. The guy was a bit of a know-it-all but they had been in Korea 6 months longer than us so I always took his advice.
Anyways, I'm driving the car and we are trying to find the place that we want to eat, I say something like "we are going the right way" this guy responds with "no we are going south, trust me I majored in geography."
I look straight ahead into the setting sun and respond with "weird we found the one place on earth where the sun sets in the south." Well that messed him up for a while.
shaft101
34. Why Do We Even Need Farms?
I was in a college class, and we were talking about agriculture. Me being from a farming town I was explaining how important certain aspects of farming are interesting, and super important. She was in college. No idea how.
This one student was not budging, and she was refusing whatever I was saying. I asked her why she was so against farming, and she said "I think we should get rid of all of them. We don't need them." I asked her if she liked to eat, and she said we would be fine.
We could just get food from the stores. I asked her how she planned on getting that food into the store. She responded with "Well, they already make all the food in the store as it is right? Why do we need farms? They're stealing money from our local businesses."
So in a nutshell. She thought about everything, flowers, fish, chicken, loaf bread, and everything. Was made in the stores, and that's why we don't need farms.
Red_Hood777
35. Moving Images
The dumbest story I have is of a girl my dad dated for a while. Even while dating her my dad would say she was dumber than a bag of rocks. We didn’t believe him, thought he was just mean.
One day, she sat down to watch a movie with my dad. Movie was all about this guy and his twin brother. She sits and watches the whole thing, no interruptions. At the end, she turns and asks, "So there were two of him?"
Would explain why she always had the TV turned to a music channel. Apparently she couldn't follow normal TV or movies. Needless to say, that relationship didn’t last.
ShiraCheshire
36. Actors, Am I Right?
The first time I met Ben was in Improv 101. I was only taking the class for fun, but about half the people there were aspiring actors... including Ben. On the first day, the teacher had us all play this silly game to break the ice and so we'd all remember each other's names.
The rules are pretty simple: 1) pick an adjective that starts with the same letter as your first name, 2) introduce yourself using Adjective + First Name, and 3) do a simple gesture that goes with it.
So everyone is going around the circle, introducing themselves as Daring Daniel and Lonely Lauren and Awesome Alex... until we get to Ben. Ben introduces himself as "Surfer Ben."
He proceeded to misunderstand at least one key element of every game or exercise for the rest of the class. I have no clue how this man functions in daily life. He has since managed to get a few featured extra roles on TV, though.
hypatiaspasia
37. Trees and Paper
A girl in math class didn't understand fractions. We got down to this because the teacher was explaining something else pretty simple that she didn't understand. So I broke it down and figured out she didn't get fractions. Well, that's a little odd but with a minute of explanation she should get it.
Nope. Teacher asked "What is larger, 1/2 or 1/3?" The girl said 3 is more than 2 so 1/3 is larger. Teacher drew two circles on the board, divided one in two and the other in three parts. "Which is bigger?" Girl gave the same answer.
Teacher erased both circles, grabbed two pieces of paper, ripped one in half, one in thirds. Held up a piece of both "Which one is larger?" Girl pointed out the 1/3 piece.
"Forget that there are more pieces" and he binned the rest, holding up the initial two pieces again. "Just look at the size. Which one is larger?" Girl pointed out the smaller one again.
Defeated, the teacher lowered his arms and walked back to his desk.
"Please take no offense in this, but are you familiar with the words and concepts of "smaller and larger"?"
He asked, as this class turned more Sesame Street by the second. The girl said she did. Teacher pointed outside. "See those trees? Which is larger, right or left?" "Left", the girl said and she was right. The left tree was about 5 meters taller. "Then which piece of paper is larger?" Holding them up again. Girl pointed out the smaller piece and the teacher walked out of the classroom.
Alwin_
38. You Can Wash Clothes?
My cousin is the dumbest person I know. All through public school, she was a snob who looked down on everyone. She was super stylish and struggled academically.
We graduated in 2014. We both went to colleges (not the same one). She got a job at a bar, stayed out late drinking. Her boyfriend told her she didn’t need to complete college, so she just stopped showing up. Didn’t drop; just stopped showing up. Completely flunked out.
Here comes the mega stupidity: Our families live hours away from her college at the time. Her family went to move her back home. My cousin’s mom noticed a pile of clothes in the corner. The mom said ‘What’s that, your laundry? Pack it and we’ll wash it when we get home later.’
My cousin (I kid you not): ‘You can wash those?!’ Turns out, she’d been throwing away clothes instead of washing them. She claimed she didn’t know she could, yet she washed her undergarments and bras without a hitch.
She’s now at home with her family and has started doing more chores to show an increase in responsibility. She still tries to throw clothes away, citing that she didn’t know they could be washed and reused.
Makes me wonder what she thought all those years before college, before she left home. She wore some of the same outfits repeatedly — she had to have known they could be washed.
PingTheAwesome
39. Be Humble
Pretty much any comment on my local news Facebook page is embarrassing. A recent one was about a renovated gas station. One lady commented complaining that they spent all that money and took away gas pumps.
Someone else commented that they actually had added several, the only reason the line was longer was because it was new and everyone was going there to see the improvements.
The lady replied back really nastily saying she had a J-O-B and didn't have time to count gas pumps, unlike some other "lowlifes", completely oblivious that she looked like an idiot. The article even mentioned that they added more pumps, but again, she has to work for a living to pay taxes for the welfare bums, she doesn't have time for reading that either.
A simple "oh crap I must have been mistaken" or better yet not commenting at all would have sufficed. This situation is not uncommon at all.
Recently my relative told me he got a bunch of credit cards and maxed them out. He plans on paying them back with next year's tax refund. He then quit his job. Same relative always makes fun of me for having "book smarts" but not "street smarts", but the older I get the more I realize being able to look at my finances, live within my means and squirrel some away is a form of "street smarts" that a lot of people seem to be lacking.
[deleted]
40. Don’t Buy What You Can’t Afford
Guy I worked with named Buddy bought a huge Snap-On roll-away tool box for over $3,000, on credit. Two days later, he sold it to a coworker for $1,500 because he had some overdue bills and had to pay them.
Needless to say, he never paid Snap-On for the toolbox. He was off into the winds after he was fired for starting his fourth fist-fight at work. One of the other guys I worked with told the Snap-On salesman where Buddy's new job was, and last we heard they are now garnishing his wages.
Guy was a nutcase though. He had very thin skin and the slightest thing would set him off. He went absolutely nuts when he was set off though. He yelled at the security guard and threatened to have him fired because he didn't like his tone.
He almost got fired three times for fighting, but he was able to win the department manager over until the fourth time. Oh, and one time he was told to put Caution Tape across a malfunctioning gate and he said "I don't know how."
[deleted]
41. Just Don’t
Literally this guy got fired last week for the most silly thing. Whenever a customer would enter the store he would mimic everything they said, whilst already bad enough, he would also try his best to copy their accent too no matter what accent it was.
Multiple complaints to our store have been made about this guy and he had plenty of warnings. Well last week he finally got fired while serving an Asian customer and in FULL view of our manager he says this.
"HERROOOOO WOULD YOU RIKE A BRAG?"
Got pulled into the office where apparently he still maintained he'd done nothing wrong and couldn't understand why he was being fired. Definitely dumb.
MinimumWageBandit
42. Hate Working With People
I used to work at a courtyard Marriott hotel, which is a hotel oriented for business people who have to get up early and work late. You know, real work horses and road warriors. The hotel was a sprawling 5 stories tall with around 200 or so rooms. It was also right next to LAX so we always got a lot of business people flying in thinking they were hot stuff because their company flew them out to do business in LA. Whatever.
One day I’m working at the front desk and it’s kind of late, around midnight maybe, and one of our guests comes in kind of drunk and asks for me to reset his room key before he heads to his room because, “we always do them wrong”.
So I’m like yeah sure thing not a problem, have a good night! He comes back down 5 min later, visibly agitated and says “ what the heck man? I thought I told you to remake my keys. Can you do your freaking job right ?”
In the hospitality industry you’re not allowed to talk back, raise your voice, or really stand up for yourself. Your one and only goal is to make the guest feel welcomed.
So, I apologize, take the blame and say it won’t happen again, and make him an extra key. He snatches them from my hand and storms off to his room. 5 minutes later he comes back down, again!
“What is wrong with you ? Are you stupid? Are you wasting my time on purpose? I’m heading to my room and you better come up with working room keys!” And he throws his keys at me.
My manager sees this all happen and is like you know what, let me handle this — you deserve a break. I’m fuming of course, I go to the break room and just pace, wondering what gives people the audacity to act like that.
My manager eventually comes back, he enters the break room with a smile and clearly something to report. He says, “He was going to the wrong floor. His room was actually one floor up. He said he’s sorry.” I WISH I COULD HAVE SEEN HIS FACE.
Puzzled_Asparagus_66
43. Nose Jobs
I had a manager named Roxanne (Rocky). She was a bleach blonde (literally bleached her hair once a month and then wondered why it broke/fell out) bubble head who only had the job because daddy owned the restaurant.
Rocky was really obsessed with her looks and not much else. One day she told me, and a co-worker, that she had her nose job done so that her eventual children wouldn't grow up with the same nose as her.
She wasn't kidding. The co-worker and I just looked at each other and walked away. We knew it wasn't worth the effort. Wouldn’t want to be there when she finds out the actual truth.
Adastria
44. Secret Inspector
I just started to work on the production line of an auto parts manufacturer. I was hot pressing rivets into the base plate of an emergency brake base. According to production logs, a day's run was 300 pieces. Acceptable errors were 3.
I worked there for two weeks before the line supervisor advised my managing consultant that I was not meeting production requirements. According to my logs, I had zero errors and exceeded my 300 quota every day.
Another line supervisor confided in me that I was being replaced with my supervisor's cousin, who just arrived from The Philippines. I did not argue or protest. It would have done me no good. The managing consultant knew as well but had no pull.
After re-examining my resume and seeing I had a degree in computer science and certification in technical manual writing,
I was brought back to the very same production floor in a different role. As part of QA compliance, every workstation needed the production one-offs documented with illustrated inspection reference guides.
When I arrived at the office, my former line supervisor demonstrated the quadruple take. Patrick Stewart had nothing on her. No one told her what my role was. My presence there resembled that of a site inspector. I walked the entire floor borrowing templates, taking measurements and photos. Looked very official.
My former line supervisor thought I was put on her production line as a ringer to inspect her. She worked every day worried I was preparing to give her the ax. She shared that concern in confidence with others who knew better.
No one corrected her. Just told her not to worry.
richardec
45. Time For Some Exams
I'm originally from Colombia but now I live in Canada, I speak Spanish, English and French.
My sister in law used to make fun of my English all the time, whenever I mispronounced something she would start laughing and telling everyone "She's so cute, she can't pronounce this or that."
I always considered her just a mean girl trying to keep the attention to herself but the English thing really bothered me. Mind you, she doesn’t speak any other languages, but I guess it didn’t matter to her.
One day we were drinking and she started laughing at something I said. I lost it. I told her I speak 3 languages while she can barely speak English. We kept arguing until I said fine, let's prove it.
We took a mock up English test online and I got a perfect score! She got 8/12
That was the last day she laughed at me
lux414