1. I was an extra family member
When I started going out of my way to not upset them so I wouldn't be yelled at for an hour. I don't state my opinion because it upsets them. I also let my little sister hit and punch me because telling her to stop would upset them.
I had to hold my tongue so much I don't do so much just keep them from getting upset. The multiple adult tantrum also, have you ever seen a 39-year-old woman throw a 1-hour tantrum because of a traffic jam?
ImClearlyNotOkay
2. Siblings
I realized this when I was in my mid 20's. I'm the youngest, I have an older brother and an older sister. There were many things to list without going on for pages, but for example, I spent a number of years in various countries outside the US while in the military. Not once, in all those years, did my sister even send me an email. Not a letter. Not a card. Not an attempt to respond if I got a chance to call. It didn't sink in at the time, but around my mid-20s, looking back, I was like "who does that? Why should I bother to try to have a relationship with someone that clearly doesn't care about me at all?"
My brother was much the same story. I just stopped trying to communicate, and as soon as I did, so did they. That was over a decade ago. I go weeks and never even think of them. I have two kiddos of my own now, and they don't even know my siblings' names/who they are.
Just because you're born in the same family doesn't mean you'll be close in adulthood. Sad but true.
TheGoodJudgeHolden
3. Bipolar dad
My dad started to refuse Christmas/birthday/Father’s Day presents. He just didn’t like them and said why did you get them for me. Then he said the other day to me and my mom “Why do I do everything for y’all but y’all don’t do anything for me?” We were planning his birthday and we were working hard just to make his 60th birthday awesome.
Meanwhile, for my mom’s birthday a few months ago and Mother’s Day she got nothing.
I can’t just order things without permission or go get anything because I can’t drive. He wouldn’t help me. He thought I was procrastinating when I told him multiple times that I needed him to help me pick out things for her.
EscapeRevolutionary
4. Aggression without confirmation
When I started overhearing rumblings and rumours about me being gay, my family's true colours started to shine through.
No one asked me about it and instead made passive-aggressive remarks about it.
ZephyrFluous
5. Racist dad
At just five years old, I already knew something was wrong with my family.
I'll never forget the day my dad barked those cruel words at us, "When I come back in here, there better be no freaking (blacks) on my TV."
RookTheBlindSnake
6. Family hate
When my brother strangled me and my sister wanted to call the cops on me for child abuse when the only hand I laid on him was to make it so I could breathe again.
And he was strangling me because I walked between him and the television during his cartoons. My dad told me I deserved the above and said he would've done the same to me. And then mom never stepped in.
Closecalllynn
7. Terrible people around me
I didn't realize the definition of "toxic", just that I didn't want that stuff around me any more. But I realized how messed up in the head different people were at different times in my life and would just distance myself as best as I could.
I stopped communicating with my dad when I was like 19-20. Long story short; he tried to kill my mom when I was 16.
I distanced myself from my brother when I was somewhere in my early 20s and I haven't seen him in person since I was 27. He doesn't want to talk to my mom, so he texts me from time to time but only if necessary.
Guy woke me at 3 am, brought home some girl he was dating, with a kid (not his), and he needed to crash. I was super tired.
I told him I would give him money for a cab because he was supposed to go to his uncle's and he responded by grabbing my throat and telling me he has no sister. He spent years as a druggy, doing shrooms and thought the world was flat and the moon was a hologram.
I live with my mom right now. She has always been a narcissist but compared to the rest of the family, she seemed way better until 2018. She started to have freakouts again, really bad ones, she threatened to physically harm me. Then I found out that she "didn't feel like she needed psychiatric meds anymore" then gave me a terrible excuse for why. But I'm in a financial pickle and with covid, I can't quite escape this one yet. I have tried every resource but there is no assistance available. So I will have to wait this out till I can find something affordable to move into.
Dilandau_Albatou
8. Hostile uncle
This was probably when I was around 10 or 11 years old. Which was about when some of the toxicity, especially from an uncle of mine, started getting aimed directly at me in really aggressive and petty ways.
I definitely began to realize that a lot of my family seems to live off of arguing and yelling and I realized that I had no desire to be like that so I actively chose to never yell and argue as they did.
Anjodu
9. Irredeemable pain from mom
I’ve actually resented my mother as far back as I can remember. As a little kid, I was mostly irritated by her illogical “rule” and superficiality. Sure, we did things together, but I always sort of felt like she was just going through the motions, doing “good mom” things, but never really connecting with me. We butted heads constantly.
And as my siblings and I grew older, she did worse and worse things, and I became more aware of the depths of her narcissism. When we were teenagers, she sabotaged my younger sister’s attempts at rehabilitation and healing.
When I became an adult, my dad told me more of the truth behind their marriage and divorce. She ruined us financially and savaged him in court. And it was on to the next.
She just never redeemed herself. My dislike became more and more justified. Now, we’re all adults, and she’s mostly harmless to us. She’s always wanting to talk to us more as if she were some kind of normal parent, and we simply don’t call her enough. She misses her kids, and sometimes we indulge. I guess there’s really no reason why not. But she doesn’t really know me. And she never really fixed anything. So I guess there’s really no reason to.
phnarg
10. No one wants dad around
Even when I was a child I was noticing that my parents are not like others and I asked mum ”why didn't you marry your brother? I like him so much” once. Yep, it was confusing. But I fully understood this when I was kinda 10-11.
We were going back home and talking about one family event, then mother said something like ”of course, without your father”. I thought something like okay because he's so fucking annoying and abusive that nobody wants to see him.
camamber85
11. Uncle gate-crashing and living rent free
When I found out that my uncle stole and sold most of my mom's and grandma's jewellery when he was addicted to drugs. Despite being clean now, he can really be a jerk sometimes. He's in his 60s and lives rent-free with my grandma. Recently he threw a fit when she offered a family friend some money to cut and trim some fruit trees in the backyard. He said he was going to do it, and that he should get the money. He lives there. Rent Free. My grandma shouldn't have to pay her adult son to do something for the house he also lives in.
The only reason she even was paying the other man was that she refused to let him do it for free. So basically my uncle only said he was going to do it when money was involved.
He's done a whole list of other things, and for the most part, he's ok. I just wish he treated my grandma better and appreciated her more. Luckily my mom goes over once or multiple times a week and helps her out with certain things.
kaye_tee
12. Good person from afar
It was probably middle school. I idolized my dad when I was little, but the more I watched him interact with the people around him, the more I realized he’s a really cruel and vindictive person.
The one thing I will say is he is very kind to people who are working (re: customer service, servers, retail workers), but he’s really mean-spirited and vicious.
Kikospeaking
13. Irrational Grandma
When my 70-year-old grandmother threw my 5-year-old son’s handmade barn out the shed door breaking it. She was pissed at me because I didn’t jump when she told me to do something for her, and she said she didn’t care.
Then bad-mouthed me to all of our family about all she’d done for me, leaving out that I had done a lot for her as well. I own the house right behind her, and I could never speak to her ever again after making my son cry because she was pissed at me.
2857iowa
14. Home chase
This one time when I was around 9 years old, my dad chased me around the house with both a chainsaw and a blow torch (both turned on obviously) to piss off and scare my great aunt because he hated her.
She freaked out. I ran like hell but thought it was fun. I had fun and no one got hurt. But as an adult, I can see that it was probably weird.
happycello
15. Faking a heart attack
My lovely grandmother faked a heart attack on my mom's birthday because she was getting all the attention and the gifts. We collectively went to the hospital and everything.
She continues to say it was real after like 7 years, and the doctors told us there was absolutely nothing wrong with her.
She did this twice.
justjenna9
16. Prank went wrong
My great-grandmother loved doing pranks, one time she decided to "prank" her husband by breaking a window and calling him to say that someone was breaking in.
She hid in the closet and he came running inside with his gun ready and shot her when she jumped out at him. She's still alive to this day.
poppedbubblewrap
17. My stepdad gave me porn
I remember one time when I was about 17, and I was trying to get some ROMs on my PSP that my stepdad gave me back when I was 12 or so. Well, my friend got into the internal memory and went digging around to try and get things working properly when he found it. Porn. Tons, and tons, and tons of porn. All saved in that PSP- I couldn't touch that thing ever again. We were all roaring with laughter and disbelief, and it was funny until I realized he gave that to me years ago when the sexual abuse was still happening.
I also would tell this story on rare occasions, laughing it off at how random it felt until I realized how upsetting it was, but there was also that time when my bio father got our landlord/his dealer pissed off and burnt our house down, along with everything from my early childhood. Typing this now I realize this probably isn't all that funny, but hey, laughter is the best medicine!
Spinelise
18. Chainsaw argument
As a teenager, I had an argument with my dad and I locked the door to my room.
My dad used a chainsaw on it when I refused to open it. I used to think it was hilarious!
baklaid
19. Stepdad persona
I used to laugh about my stepdad basically ignoring me for eight years but he praised and spoiled my younger sister, he read her bedtime stories and took her swimming all the time but to me, he was like a stranger, he never greeted me when I came home from school and he never said goodnight when I went to bed, and I thought this was normal.
My mom divorced him about two years ago and is now in another relationship and I’ve never seen her happier.
lubbinnminn
20. Unwanted child
I never thought it was funny, but my family did. They like to “joke” about how my dad was so disappointed that I wasn’t a boy when I was born.
The jerk treated me like crap all my life because of it.
Jumpinalake
21. Witnessing my parents fight
My parents would always be fighting when I was a little kid and one day I went to school and my teacher asked me why I looked so tired I said because the rooster wouldn't stop crowing. Then my teachers asked me why I knew that saying and then I said because my parents are always yelling it and I said it with a laugh.
My teacher got more worried because then she asked if they fought because of the bruises on my legs and I said I don’t know, they were always fighting. They called my parent and they had a meeting later that day I was taken from my parents and I have never said that saying again
Hi_ImMa_SiMp
22. Living your life through your child
I'm from a very traditional and affluent Asian family. Extremely affluent. My grandfather's birthdays would be nice events with caterers, performers, venues, and the like. Backstory on the family before we continue: grandpa has 4 kids – uncle one, uncle two, my mom, and youngest uncle. Because my mom is the only daughter and the middle child, she always is trying to stand out to her dad. She did this through me (not my brothers). I went through all sorts of schooling, private classes, etiquette classes, music, dance, martial arts, and the works. She put me into modelling and I grew up, and it's going well.
The toxic portion: I never knew how my other female cousins were ridiculed because of me.
Their parents didn't put them through my type of schooling (they were embracing more western style culture like embracing your child's autonomy). So during these huge events, I was the only grandchild my grandfather would have bringing people to tables, making speeches, and performing. I just figured they were shy and didn't want to, not that they were being told to not be fat, to be taller, to learn how to speak our language better, to do more like me.
The jokes on them, I was the first to move out on my own because my second arranged marriage offer fell through again and I couldn't take the humiliation. I told my boyfriend about my upbringing, who is a white American man, and he was confused by the lot of it.
tired_airplane
23. Surprised at my Grandma’s behaviour
Grandma is a scammer. We were sent to "nasty grandma’s” house for spring break as kids. We were each given the fine sum of $10. My gramma would leave us (6 and 8 years old) at home alone and go drink at the pub until closing unless we begged her to stay and play cribbage.
Like on knees, hands clasped, begging. Then she'd play us for a penny a point until we either ran out of money or it was bedtime. If we kept the drinks coming, she'd be too liquored by bedtime to go out.
One day when I was 10, I turned around while making a drink to ask my grandma if I should use a lime with a brown spot on it for her drink and I caught her cheating.
Cue a legit curly Grinch smile and she says "ah heck you're really good! I haven't been able to skunk you since last year! Well, ya caught me. If you don't tell your sis, I'll split my winnings."
I agreed but did tell my sis and I split my winnings with her. Welcome to the game.
dropthemasq
24. Dad and daughter scenario
My dad jumped up and down on the hood of my sister's car when she knocked his boat off the jack stands and bent the prop on the motor.
It's still insanely hilarious. The running leap onto the hood of the car was epic.
RobinLakehair
25. The hate from my mom
My first memory is of my parents fighting when I was 3. I remember my mom looking at my dad, and yelling “This is why we’re getting a divorce”. They separated when I was two, but took some time to figure out custody, as well as the actual finalization of their divorce. My mom was always so angry and would scream, throw things, and tell me consistently she didn’t want me around. I finally had a breaking point with my mom the day before I turned 17. We got into a huge fight and I finally realized that she was just taking out the aggression of her past on me.
I realized she had been blocking out the abuse she put me through, and finally brought it to her attention.
I know her mother was an abusive alcoholic, and she kept perpetuating this cycle of abuse. What triggered the whole realization, was when I dated someone for the first time when I was 16, and my boyfriend’s mom treated me like her own. It was the first time I felt welcome in a home, she made sure I ate because she knew I wasn’t eating properly at home, she always had a bed made for me Incase I ever needed a place to stay, and would always check in with my bf to make sure I was okay when I went home. I moved out the month I graduated high school, and I have not gone back to her house.
Rocksanne76
26. Emotionally abused
Bill Burr told a joke; No one thinks they have an anger problem until they punch out the clown at their kid's birthday party. For whatever reason it really made me step back and ask why the heck am I so angry all the goddarn time? Because my parents never wanted a kid so they raised me like a dog.
“You've got treats! You've got toys! Food and shelter! Why do you keep bothering me?” When I dropped out of high school I was practically god darn feral. No social skills, no discipline, not even a personality. The end result of neglect and emotional abuse.
It’s been a real trip to experience a supportive, emotional and loving relationship for the first time as an adult though. I've really got the most wonderful wife on the planet.
However, my parents aren't bad people. They are victims of far worse abuse. My grandfather was straight off the set of mad men and my great-grandfather was a nazi paedophile. Bill Burr talks a lot about generational improvement and that's the way I really view this. It excites me to think that if I work hard enough on my own problems my kids will be the "chosen ones" who get to be the right mix of messed up and normal.
SpaceMarineSpiff
27. Do you trust your kids?
My mom has a lot of these. She once told me this "funny" story where her dad told her she was too ugly to get married and too dumb to go to college and that she would be a waitress forever, then kicked her out of the house the day she turned 18.
My mom has won a beauty pageant, a science fair she was technically too young to enter, and enough scholarships that her college education was free.
She was a middle school science teacher until she got pregnant. Her dad called her up last week and told her he "always knew she could be anything she wanted to be because she is so smart." And then told her he is leaving her all of his assets, money, property, etc. when he dies and that he wants her to split it up between her sisters.
i-contain-multitudes
28. Friends over family
Years ago I was in the hospital after getting stabbed in the abdomen. Went under and the ems had to bring me back, woke up in the hospital full of stitches, but still alive.
I had a really great group of friends that came throughout the weeks of my being there. It got to the point that I got my own room because it was disturbing fellow patients I shared a room with and the staff were super nice about it.
The only family member to visit was my younger sister. My mom, dad, and other four siblings, none of them came, and my mom only phoned and communicated with me through the nurses, never speaking directly to me until I was back at home.
And this was during a time when we actually had a decent (compared to other times in life) relationship.
Wage_slave
29. Hateful mom
For almost 20 years, my family had been the source of my emotional repression.
My mother caused me to repress my emotions for nearly 20 years, to the extent I have considered killing myself because I could not feel anything.
Thankfully I am doing better now, but wow mom.
Splatoonish
30. Heroin
After my brother got out of rehab for heroin addiction he reverted into a tremendous jerk, just not a heroin-addicted one.
I usually try to avoid the holidays he will be at because of how much of a jerk he is.
ShriekingMuppet