The Worst Things People Overheard While Pretending To Be Asleep

“I was drunk at a party and couldn't fathom the world so I lay down, closed my eyes in a dark room. I heard two of my friends come in, one came over to me and poked me in the ribs then said "It's fine, he's asleep.

Then proceed to talk about how both of them were cheating on their boyfriends and who at the party they wanted to sleep with.” -Reddit user @System0falem0n

"I pretended to sleep through the doctor sitting at my kitchen table telling my dad he had stage 3 cancer. I was 9. He's totally fine now!

But it really sucked at the time." -Reddit user slightlysarcastic75

“My mom to her friend, when I was like 8, said, "I don't actually even like her. She's so annoying, I want to get rid of her. Naturally, I burst into tears.

She said she was sorry, she knew I was awake, and it was just a joke. She's got a cruel sense of humor.” -Reddit user @mypolarbear

"My mom and aunt talking, thinking 10-year-old me was asleep.

Aunt: "Little Runs_N_Goses is so cute." Mom: "No, he's not very good-looking at all." -Reddit user Runs_N_Goses

“Pretended to be asleep at a sleepover, heard my supposed friends planning to throw my clothes in the tree.

Middle school sucked.”

-Reddit user  @moonsprite

"Ex-boyfriend’s mom absolutely tearing me apart over the phone. Never met the woman, but she saw a picture of me with her son at a tailgate.

She didn’t like how blond my hair was or how I smiled with a closed mouth. Needless to say, I broke up soon after because her son wasn’t a great person."

-Reddit user fem_in_stem

“In a high school biology course, I was trying to go to sleep after finishing an assignment early, the girl beside me asked the teacher, "Why can he sleep in class?" the teacher told her, "I could wake him with a test on his desk, and he would ace it." -Reddit user @PirateJazz

"I have sleep apnea and use a CPAP machine.

I overheard a couple of my mates talking about smoking joint and hot boxing me through the air intake of my CPAP machine." -Reddit user anonymous_DoDoBeDoDo

“Freshman year in college, I wake up at 3 am to my roommate and her friend drunk whispering about me in the kitchen area. "She gets up too early, I hate how she doesn't go out on Fridays, so annoying," etc. If you had a problem with me as a roommate, tell it to me straight.

Preferably do this early in the semester, not the week before the term ends, so that I can adjust my habits and be a better roommate.” -Reddit user @thinkitsaredherring

"My father told my mother that sometimes he just wanted to kill me (I was five years old when I overheard this).

Being that my Dad was an alcoholic and full of rage, I believed him and lived my entire childhood believing he was going to kill me." -Reddit user Jovictes

"My “friends” talking about going into my wallet later and stealing my money, and then leave before I notice.

I kicked them out." -Reddit user bodymeat_112

"My mom had an affair with her fiance’s best friend (who was married). In the same room that I was sleeping in.

I was like 10 years old." -Reddit user hipsterbreadfart

“My mum told a friend via telephone: ‘I thought my husband was cheating, so now I do it too. I still don't know what to do.’ My father has not cheated, and it's proven.

My mum is just stupid, they're getting divorced now.” -Reddit user @DavidX98

“Night after drinking with friends, I wasn't really pretending to sleep more trying to keep my head from spinning.

I overhear my buddy say to my other friend, ‘I wonder how easy it is to smother someone to death.’”

-Reddit user (deleted)

"My then-boyfriend opened up our bedroom door to show me off to his friends while I was sleeping. It was the middle of summer, so I was lying butt naked on our bed. He thought I was asleep. A huge fight occurred the next morning, and we were not dating for long after that event. Wtf man.

I’m still pissed off about that. You knew I was naked." -Reddit user DreyaNova