Medical terms and strategies are some of the most complicated things that most people don’t know. However, not all of it. There is basic information that an individual must know about to survive.
The hilarious fact is that most people still don’t have basic knowledge about simple things professionals must deal with. These are just some of it. Check it out!
1. It Does Exist
After putting a few stitches in a middle-aged guy's scalp, the family asked if he was OK. The attending joked that his brain was still inside.
The family were stunned by this news. I, the medical student, spent the next half hour informing the family that the brain was inside the skull and that a person couldn't live without one.
![](/fp/static/_d_5f7d838a-f3d1-4833-aabf-0f8917425d2b.jpeg)
![](/fp/static/_m_5f7d838a-f3d1-4833-aabf-0f8917425d2b.jpeg)
They thought the "brain" was just a phrase to reflect a person's common sense rather than an actual organ. Sort of the same as what they thought about the "heart."
Jrj84105
2. Wrongly Hygienic
I'm not a doctor, but I'm an ER nurse. I had a patient come in for an STD check. She was very upset and continued to tell me that she only had one partner.
Progressing through my assessment, she further divulged that even if he was sleeping with other people, it shouldn't matter "because he uses a condom every time and he makes sure to wash it thoroughly after every use."
![2. Wrongly Hygienic](/fp/static/_d_d8a8ee93-3eee-4f94-b290-ee81a7d08051.jpeg)
![2. Wrongly Hygienic](/fp/static/_m_d8a8ee93-3eee-4f94-b290-ee81a7d08051.jpeg)
I asked what she meant when she said he washes it after every use. She explained that he washed the condom with hot water and soap before he used said condom again -_- I had to explain to her that condoms are a one-time use product. She had no clue.
lil_pixie8
3. Not A Freezer
I am not a doctor; I am an RN in the ICU. I've seen some really stupid people over the years, but a few weeks ago, a patient's family member got into a verbal altercation with me over the fact that I was trying to "freeze his mother to death."
He kept pointing to the digital thermostat, which displayed a temperature of 23 degrees Celsius. Just so you know, we're in the U.S.
![3. Not A Freezer](/fp/static/_d_eb438559-2b6f-499d-9bd5-899d99355832.jpeg)
![3. Not A Freezer](/fp/static/_m_eb438559-2b6f-499d-9bd5-899d99355832.jpeg)
When I gently explained to him that 23 C is not at all cold, he just kept pointing to the display and shouting, "You don't think 23 degrees is cold?! It's 23 FREAKING DEGREES IN HERE!"
He was acting insane. After multiple attempts to explain to him what Celsius was by myself, the charge nurse, the house supervisor, and security, we finally gave up and had him escorted out.
He was a man in his late 30s who graduated high school and had never heard of Celsius and Fahrenheit. He literally thought we were making it up in an attempt to conceal my efforts to freeze his intubated, critically ill mother to death.
SarcasmSlide
4. Pants Out
My grandmother was the ignorant one getting an explanation. She was 18 and in labor with her first child. She was the kind of lady to wear pants in the late 40s.
The nurse looked her up and down and told her to put on the labor clothes. So she took off her top and bra and got on the bed. The nurse is really confused. 'take off your pants too.'
![4. Pants Out](/fp/static/_d_28704705-cb06-40df-8734-f6ddf321db68.jpeg)
![4. Pants Out](/fp/static/_m_28704705-cb06-40df-8734-f6ddf321db68.jpeg)
'Why? It comes out my belly button, right?' asked Grandma. "No darling, it comes out the way he came in." She said the doctor was trying so hard not to laugh.
[deleted]
5. You’re Not An Insect
My podiatrist buddy told me this one. The lady has to have her foot amputated and is given waiver forms to sign pre-op. Buddy asks if she needs time to think about it.
She's very nonchalant and doesn't seem to care much what they do. He gets suspicious and probes a bit as to why she's not more concerned.
![5. You’re Not An Insect](/fp/static/_d_e21ee488-e749-442f-8dd8-b733113bed53.jpeg)
![5. You’re Not An Insect](/fp/static/_m_e21ee488-e749-442f-8dd8-b733113bed53.jpeg)
She says she understands that they have to operate, and it's okay because the foot will grow back. HD then has to explain she's not a salamander. Things get a bit more serious.
marmiteMate
6. Nutritionist Struggles
Not a doctor, but a nutritionist. I work with a lot of different patients, and I have tons of stories about food stupidity.
Had a lady have bariatric surgery (your stomach gets surgically stapled smaller). Her mother kept trying to force her to eat real food the day of the surgery when she was on a liquid diet - she would eat it, puke, rip her stitches out, repeat.
We had to ban the mother from seeing her because she would literally blackmail and guilt trip this poor lady into eating a whole pizza and barf it all up because her poor post-surgery stomach couldn't handle it.
End up ripping out stitches and causing enormous pain because her mother was positive that she would die if she was on a liquid diet for a couple of days.
Another lady I saw for clinical was diabetic, and she would come in every week with stupid high blood sugar levels (250-560ish), not knowing why they were so high. She kept a record of everything she ate, and all her food intake seemed fine.
One day, her husband came with her, which was weird, and he ninja-slipped me a note while shaking my hand. It read, "Ask her about the Quiktrip slushies. She doesn't believe me that they have sugar in them."
So I asked her if she was having any soda, lemonade, tea, ice cream, shakes, or slushies, and she told me like a light bulb had gone off in her head, "Well, I have been drinking about 3 of the 48oz Quiktrip slushies every day for a while now.”
![6. Nutritionist Struggles](/fp/static/_d_b2a9e1dd-d900-4997-a6ae-e1932e7d1cc6.jpeg)
![6. Nutritionist Struggles](/fp/static/_m_b2a9e1dd-d900-4997-a6ae-e1932e7d1cc6.jpeg)
“They're just so good! And they aren't food or drink. They're slushies! So they don't have any sugar in them, and I don't need to record them!"
It was so hard to convince her that those were so full of sugar that it wasn't even funny. But seriously. Three a day on a type 2 diabetic. It was one of the stupidest things I have ever heard in my life.
nightwing773
7. Oxygen Alternative
A nursing home called 911 for a patient who was having difficulty breathing. When we arrived, a PA was standing in front of the patient, vigorously "fanning" the old lady with her hands.
She looked at us and said, "I'm giving her some oxygen because we couldn't find a portable O2 tank," and kept flapping her arms.
![7. Oxygen Alternative](/fp/static/_d_c3e0d975-f361-4a1e-bdc2-42a1570e0683.jpeg)
![7. Oxygen Alternative](/fp/static/_m_c3e0d975-f361-4a1e-bdc2-42a1570e0683.jpeg)
Remember, this is a physician assistant!! Probably making 100k a year!! I informed her that she could stop now, and my partner and I did our best to wait until we were outside to burst out laughing.
FightFireBitch
8. Dumb With A Heart
I had an old lady come in with a massive bleed in her brain. She was pretty much gone. I had to explain to her tearful son that there was nothing we could do.
![8. Dumb With A Heart](/fp/static/_d_60c0a15d-ec60-445e-81d7-49738abd60ec.jpeg)
![8. Dumb With A Heart](/fp/static/_m_60c0a15d-ec60-445e-81d7-49738abd60ec.jpeg)
He said that he loved his mama and he'd give anything for her. So he asked us to give her his brain for a brain transplant.
I was actually left speechless for a minute, and then I had to spend another 20 minutes explaining why that was not possible.
KosstAmojan
9. Weirdest Technique
So we're told to always show a patient how to take an inhaler if they are new to them and that we should check the technique every so often.
"Yeah, Yeah," you think, "How hard can it be?" Well, my senior once noticed that a patient was getting repeat prescriptions for an inhaler every week rather than every month.
We brought her in to find out why. "Oh, it just doesn't seem to work very well! I press it up to 50 times, and it doesn't help."
![9. Weirdest Technique](/fp/static/_d_f3c8fb49-4958-4598-9d01-8cb028ea43cb.jpeg)
![9. Weirdest Technique](/fp/static/_m_f3c8fb49-4958-4598-9d01-8cb028ea43cb.jpeg)
We were in shock over this. Salbutamol inhalers taken in excess (we're talking like ten puffs taken in an asthma attack) can give you a thumping headache, a tremor, and a dry mouth. How is she taking 50 and not noticing?
We asked to see the technique. Yeah, it turned out she was spraying it onto her chest. Internal facepalms were used, and we educated her on how to take them properly.
Stylian_StHugh
10. A Magic Medicine
During paramedic school, my teacher was a PA who told us a story of a lady who came into the clinic he was working at. She said she didn't feel well, nothing but general fatigue and not feeling right.
He had the nurse do a standard vitals and blood glucose set. Her glucose was extremely high, so he went in to talk to her. We were worried.
![10. A Magic Medicine](/fp/static/_d_72f96b52-b25d-42f4-adc0-34f9ffa54eb8.jpeg)
![10. A Magic Medicine](/fp/static/_m_72f96b52-b25d-42f4-adc0-34f9ffa54eb8.jpeg)
He asked, "Has anyone ever told you you have diabetes?" She replied, "Yeah, a doctor said I had that once, and I took some medication for a couple of weeks and felt better." He then had to explain to her that diabetes doesn't go away after some medication.
Monsterz20
11. Wrong Liquid
Late to the party, but I thought I'd throw it out. I work in a hospital lab. Quite a few years ago, a patient was on our schedule for a semen analysis from one of our fertility docs.
The patient presents with a cup of urine. We explained that we needed a semen sample, not a urine one; confused as to why his first sample was rejected, he went back to the private bathroom at the end of the hall.
About half an hour later, he came back with another urine sample, and that's when I literally had to have both birds and bees talk with a man in his mid-thirties.
![11. Wrong Liquid](/fp/static/_d_c751a01a-b376-4768-8ca1-e78c077f18c8.jpeg)
![11. Wrong Liquid](/fp/static/_m_c751a01a-b376-4768-8ca1-e78c077f18c8.jpeg)
This has happened twice now in my eight years, and I found out about another guy when I talked to my manager about it. The second time, I had a few thoughts.
I thought I could save these guys thousands of dollars by explaining how to make out properly; somehow, it never came up in the office that the wrong fluid was being used; the wives of these guys are totally okay with being peed into.
Manleather
12. World of Pills
Pharmacist here. I have a couple of good ones off the top of my head. The first one: The patient comes in and's upset - she's pregnant and doesn't understand why.
She's on the pill. Upon talking to her at great length, I found out that she only takes the pills on the days that she is active - no other time.
![12. World of Pills](/fp/static/_d_4dbe2670-311a-4698-b712-59d63e54a2b4.jpeg)
![12. World of Pills](/fp/static/_m_4dbe2670-311a-4698-b712-59d63e54a2b4.jpeg)
The other story is related: the same scenario, except the patient comes in with her bf. They are indignant as if somehow I could've prevented it.
The problem this time? Well, the pills were bothering the girl's stomach, so, being a gallant bf, he decided to start taking them instead.
These are all true. Sometimes, the things you see in Pharmacy make you fearful for the future of the human race, and I'm not exaggerating. (These stories are just the tip of the iceberg.)
zyngawf1000000
13. Forgotten Lady
Probably way too late, but I'm a CNA at a nursing home. We got a new resident in, and she had a huge bed sore near her tailbone region that had become infected and abscessed to the point that you could probably have fit a Coke can inside the opening.
It had to be cleaned and packed, and a wound pump was attached to it every 12 hours. Turns out, before she came to us, her family didn't think she needed any at-home help.
So they would go over in the morning, get her up, bathed, dressed, put a pop tart on the table for her, get her in her wheelchair, and go about their day.
![13. Forgotten Lady](/fp/static/_d_4bddd967-4375-45a5-813f-4fe0216c8752.jpeg)
![13. Forgotten Lady](/fp/static/_m_4bddd967-4375-45a5-813f-4fe0216c8752.jpeg)
She was incontinent and would sit in the chair for 12-15 hours a day covered in her own urine and feces until they came back, wiped her off, and put her back in her bed for the night.
It turns out that sitting all day in your own filth leads to bed sores. The day she was admitted to my facility, her family, my administrator, and everyone were all talking in her room.
They had introduced us and let her know I'd be taking care of her at night from now on. She whispered to me that she needed to go to the bathroom, and I had to kick out my boss and her family because her son insisted that "she can just hold it."
TheEthalea
14. Pink Drink
My mother worked as a Pediatric nurse. She had a mother whose child was putting on a startling amount of weight; this was bad since the patient's mother was obese and had diabetes, and they wanted to control weight gain for the baby.
So, they went through the feeding schedule. The baby was due for a bottle during the check-up. The mother whips out a bottle during an appointment.
![14. Pink Drink](/fp/static/_d_8e5c0790-2667-4ba1-92c5-13fc7b201255.jpeg)
![14. Pink Drink](/fp/static/_m_8e5c0790-2667-4ba1-92c5-13fc7b201255.jpeg)
My mom is startled to see the milk is BRIGHT PINK. She asks why the milk is bright goddamned pink. The child's mother explains that her kid prefers the milk if it has Strawberry Quik mixed in and drinks more milk! The mom didn't get the connection between Quik and weight gain.
[deleted]
15. Brush Free
In a free medical clinic, I had to tell a mother that she should be brushing her four-year-old's teeth. The daughter came because her throat hurt.
![15. Brush Free](/fp/static/_d_e6ba9679-cff6-4aff-96e1-b122ee753c49.jpeg)
![15. Brush Free](/fp/static/_m_e6ba9679-cff6-4aff-96e1-b122ee753c49.jpeg)
After opening her mouth & using a tongue depressor to see her throat, the daughter squirmed like 4-year-olds are prone to do & the tongue depressor hit her gums.
Pus flowed everywhere & the child wound up having to be put on penicillin before having every last tooth pulled due to severe infection.
sirenita12
16. Fruity Strategy
RN, not an MD, but here's the story: The patient was a newly diagnosed diabetic who needed to be taught how to inject insulin.
So the diabetes educator did the good old routine of taking an orange, drawing up insulin, then injecting it into the orange, then making the patient repeat it. The patient goes home, etc. Comes back in a week, and his blood sugar is out of control.
![16. Fruity Strategy](/fp/static/_d_13203adf-0d29-4bc4-8809-e7384e12caf6.jpeg)
![16. Fruity Strategy](/fp/static/_m_13203adf-0d29-4bc4-8809-e7384e12caf6.jpeg)
They ask him if he's been taking his insulin, and he says, "Of course." So, they decide to ask him to demonstrate how he injects insulin.
The patient goes, "Sure, I just need an orange." At this point, I started face-palming hard because I knew where this one was heading.
But of course, they got him an orange and a vial of insulin with a syringe. So the guy draws up the insulin correctly, takes the syringe, injects it into the orange, and then says, "And then I eat the orange." At this point, I had to walk out because I nearly lost my mind right there.
GrumpyWaffle
17. Family Worries
I once had a patient with a cancer diagnosis who was completely depressed about not being able to see their family anymore.
I was confused because I had spoken with this individual's spouse and extended family, who seemed supportive; there wasn't any indication of family problems, etc.
![17. Family Worries](/fp/static/_d_b98b8034-ec92-441b-be62-56f500929c82.jpeg)
![17. Family Worries](/fp/static/_m_b98b8034-ec92-441b-be62-56f500929c82.jpeg)
It turns out that this individual thought "genetic" and "family history" had meant something similar to "contagious."
It led them to the conclusion that one should stay away from loved ones lest it be spread through the family. That was one clarification I was so happy to give.
XIllusions
18. Clueless Mom
So this happened when I was a family doctor. I got a call in the middle of the night (I was on call) from a very distressed new mother.
She said her newborn was projectile vomiting with every feed. Projectile vomiting can be a worrisome finding in a newborn, so I asked her to meet me in the ER right away.
When I saw the baby, he was smiling, happy, and in perfect good health. The mom assured me that he vomited with every feed.
So I asked her to feed him and let me see what happened. She did, and as soon as she finished, the baby started to fuss and then spit up the milk.
![18. Clueless Mom](/fp/static/_d_ffe52409-e50f-4ab4-b5cf-9066daceb8ad.jpeg)
![18. Clueless Mom](/fp/static/_m_ffe52409-e50f-4ab4-b5cf-9066daceb8ad.jpeg)
I asked if this was what she had been seeing. It was. So I asked her if she had ever burped the baby. She looked at me, puzzled.
She had no clue about burping. She said she thought it was some "TV thing." I assured her it was real and, at 2:00 am, taught her how to burp a baby. I asked her to follow up with me in a day or two.
She came in and said, "You are the best doctor ever. That burping thing you taught me is like magic - now my baby is happy all the time." So there you go. Someone who did not know about burping a baby.
hairheads3
19. Home Remedy
When I was an Army medic, I treated a guy for a spider bite that had swelled to the diameter of a tennis ball and was becoming necrotic.
Rather than seek medical care, he had concealed it, had been popping it for weeks, and filled it with hand sanitizer. I was dumbfounded.
![19. Home Remedy](/fp/static/_d_8f79a050-c22a-47ee-a206-a2dd53d1580b.jpeg)
![19. Home Remedy](/fp/static/_m_8f79a050-c22a-47ee-a206-a2dd53d1580b.jpeg)
He really thought that would be the best way to treat it. I advised him that he should stick to machine guns and I would deal with the boo-boos.
HoneyBear55
20. Eye People
I'm an eye doctor. I've got two main ones. First, when I ask them to follow a light as I move it around to check their eye movements.
I'm asked, "With just one eye or both?" I really want to say, "If you can do one eye at a time, I will be amazed!" Wouldn’t it?
![20. Eye People](/fp/static/_d_c67bc442-485a-4160-90b5-f6934d8e4a55.jpeg)
![20. Eye People](/fp/static/_m_c67bc442-485a-4160-90b5-f6934d8e4a55.jpeg)
Second, the prescription cannot "run out" of your glasses. They don't need a "refill." you didn't clean them too much and wash out some of the prescription... you just need new glasses.
guitargirl300
21. Healthy Diet
Honestly, you might be surprised that many people know little to nothing about a healthy lifestyle in terms of a good diet and exercise.
I have seen many patients who complain that they are overweight (which is a perfectly valid reason to go to your physician, by the way).
![21. Healthy Diet](/fp/static/_d_a5db88a1-201f-4811-bd07-cb72d837f1fa.jpeg)
![21. Healthy Diet](/fp/static/_m_a5db88a1-201f-4811-bd07-cb72d837f1fa.jpeg)
Still, when I ask what they've done to try to lose weight, they say nothing, pick up smoking because that's what the fashion models do, or drink soda instead of orange juice because orange juice is full of sugar. Yeah.
If I were king, I'd mandate every high schooler learn about these topics. Oh, and don't smoke in the same car as your child is. Oh. My. God.
RagingRudolph
22. Proper Feeding
Pediatric emergency nurse here. I once had to explain to a mother that the reason her newborn was projectile vomiting was the fact she was force-feeding him 400mls of milk three times a day.
![22. Proper Feeding](/fp/static/_d_f092e352-df55-4ad6-a221-f0bf902b81d5.jpeg)
![22. Proper Feeding](/fp/static/_m_f092e352-df55-4ad6-a221-f0bf902b81d5.jpeg)
I suggested she stop forcing milk down the kid's throat when he stopped suckling the bottle and try feeding her baby less at each sitting and more often.
The woman then looked at me and said, "I can't spend all day feeding my child." Seriously? It is a newborn. They have three settings eat, poop, and sleep.
Jinxedmarshmellows
23. New Water
I used to perform fecal coliform counts on well water. I come in whenever someone in the county dug a new well and periodically for existing wells.
They were required to get a sample of their water tested to see how many colonies would grow on certain types of culture plates.
![23. New Water](/fp/static/_d_b3d72b8b-3fd7-44aa-bdff-f73a21c48d1e.jpeg)
![23. New Water](/fp/static/_m_b3d72b8b-3fd7-44aa-bdff-f73a21c48d1e.jpeg)
The EPA wants a count of zero for drinking water, so if they had counted, we'd recommend certain actions.
I remember a customer asking what "TNTC" meant on her report. That's "too numerous to count", I said. "Basically, the plate was covered in a lawn of fecal bacteria." Her next question: "Could this be why my kid is always sick?" Yes. Yes, it could be.
LordAlvis
24. Mind of A Peanut
I’m not a doctor, but my friend had to be told that the reason her son was getting sick at school every day was because she was packing him peanut butter sandwiches.
![24. Mind of A Peanut](/fp/static/_d_7fa9670f-71a6-401c-bad3-fd324595aa6c.jpeg)
![24. Mind of A Peanut](/fp/static/_m_7fa9670f-71a6-401c-bad3-fd324595aa6c.jpeg)
Lo and behold, he was allergic to peanuts. She honestly did not know that was an ingredient, and he was in middle school of a PEANUT butter.
She said the kid wasn't bright enough to realize it himself. I mean, she should’ve known better than her child, right? Oh Gosh.
Elleck
25. Improper Knowledge
One of my professors told me this story from when he was treating patients in a women's clinic. Apparently, his woman was previously prescribed birth control pills but still kept getting pregnant.
![25. Improper Knowledge](/fp/static/_d_51699237-6628-4b1e-b858-4a15e418f391.jpeg)
![25. Improper Knowledge](/fp/static/_m_51699237-6628-4b1e-b858-4a15e418f391.jpeg)
She complained that she took her birth control every night and didn't know why it wasn't working. Finally, my professor found out that she wasn't actually swallowing her birth control pills.
She put the pills up her private part and thought that's how birth control pills work. No one ever thought they had to actually explain to her how to take the birth control.
calnn
26. Did Not Stay Dead
I was talking to a patient about an upcoming surgery and asked her, "Has anyone in your family ever had problems with anesthesia or being put to sleep for surgery?"
She said, "Yes! My mom died under anesthesia!" This got my attention, and I asked, "When did this happen?" And she said, "about ten years ago."
I asked a lot of other questions, trying to get a handle on what had happened and how the events of her mother's death might relate to the risk of surgery for the daughter.
Some complications run in families, others are unique to the individual or the illness, and it's important to have a solid handle on that before surgery.
![26. Did Not Stay Dead](/fp/static/_d_be283503-95ca-44d9-969a-486906d36584.jpeg)
![26. Did Not Stay Dead](/fp/static/_m_be283503-95ca-44d9-969a-486906d36584.jpeg)
I finally asked her, "How old was your mother?" And she answered, "She's 65." I noted the present tense and asked, "Your mother was 65 when she died?"
The patient answered, "No. My mom was about 55 when she died. She's 65 now." At this point, I gently laid my pen down and took a deep breath.
"So your mother is not actually dead?" It turns out that people love hearing "they died on the table" or "we lost you" or some variation of that. I have no idea who tells them or where it comes from, but I've never had a patient die who didn't stay dead.
surfwaxgoesonthetop
27. Brother Cat
Vet here. I had this lady bring in her female cat, who turned out to be pregnant. She was adamant that it was impossible, as this was strictly an indoor cat.
Upon further questioning, she admitted that there was an intact tom also living in the same house but that he couldn't possibly have done it.
![27. Brother Cat](/fp/static/_d_5af563a4-a455-4243-b378-22c10b46907a.jpeg)
![27. Brother Cat](/fp/static/_m_5af563a4-a455-4243-b378-22c10b46907a.jpeg)
She was so adamant that it was impossible because he was the female cat's brother. Well, yeah, cats do not work that way. Sigh.
Urgullibl
28. Worst Logic
I work in vet medicine as well. This is way too common. The moral code of pets is highly overrated by the general public.
The best was the woman who was feeding her 3-month-old dog every few days for no other reason than that she thought a dog should only eat that often. Came in for hypoglycemia (of course).
![28. Worst Logic](/fp/static/_d_ca37f606-9782-4ea9-9232-975eeba6d8ac.jpeg)
![28. Worst Logic](/fp/static/_m_ca37f606-9782-4ea9-9232-975eeba6d8ac.jpeg)
The nurse who spoke with her has no patience for this kind of jacked ignorance and actually shouted at her, "DO YOU EAT EVERY THREE DAYS!?"
NomNomChickpeas
29. Sugar Rush
500+ lb (226kg) Diabetic patient I kept running calls on when her blood glucose would go above 400. She would always say that she never eats ANY sugar and doesn't understand why this keeps happening.
Found out she didn't know soda, syrup, gummy bears, candy bars, etc., all had sugar in them. By no "sugar," she meant she had stopped putting spoonfuls of actual cane sugar on top of everything she ate.
![29. Sugar Rush](/fp/static/_d_6b5e566d-7667-42e7-a53c-cdc79793113b.jpeg)
![29. Sugar Rush](/fp/static/_m_6b5e566d-7667-42e7-a53c-cdc79793113b.jpeg)
I tried explaining it to her, but she couldn't make the connection or just didn't want to, I think the latter. People feel better about ending themselves if they can pretend they are "trying" to do everything right, but they just have bad luck.
[deleted]
30. Detachable Tube
As a junior medical student in OB/GYN, I was explaining tubal ligation to a patient and her significant other once. At one point, he asked, "So, you're going to clip and burn the tubes, right?" Yes, that's right.
![30. Detachable Tube](/fp/static/_d_7f92dc0c-84a8-4d43-9583-7bcfee942754.jpeg)
![30. Detachable Tube](/fp/static/_m_7f92dc0c-84a8-4d43-9583-7bcfee942754.jpeg)
My next line was, "Although this occasionally fails, you should consider this permanent." All of a sudden, he became visibly alarmed.
"Wait, it's permanent?" I didn't have much of a filter, so my response was a little blunt: "What part of 'clip and burn' sounds temporary to you?" She didn't end up getting the surgery.
devilbunny
31. Salty Guy
Fast food has salt in it, as do most prepared foods. I've one patient with advanced congestive heart failure who comes in like clockwork 2-3 days after every major holiday or sporting event.
![31. Salty Guy](/fp/static/_d_1e314fc5-0dbf-46c3-b87d-a5e4a8f5a8de.jpeg)
![31. Salty Guy](/fp/static/_m_1e314fc5-0dbf-46c3-b87d-a5e4a8f5a8de.jpeg)
He was supposed to be on a no-salt-added diet with very low sodium. Thanksgiving, it was stuffed with all the trimmings.
Christmas, ham, boxed scalloped potatoes, and chicken soup. Three days after the Super Bowl? Chicken wings and beer. Every darn time. He comes in, we feed him diuretics and the lecture about how to avoid this, and he does it anyway.
Flaxmoore
32. Father’s Strategy
The Wife is a labor and delivery nurse and recently walked in on the father of a newborn trying to feed his baby water by holding a cup up to the baby's mouth and tipping its head back.
![32. Father’s Strategy](/fp/static/_d_80a488b7-16ba-4342-abd5-bd3cdc56eba0.jpeg)
![32. Father’s Strategy](/fp/static/_m_80a488b7-16ba-4342-abd5-bd3cdc56eba0.jpeg)
He thought the baby would be thirsty. She needed to explain that the baby gets its fluids from the mother's milk and that drinking from a cup is a learned behavior.
Also, the baby can only instinctively drink from a nippie. The scariest part? This was his third child. I cannot believe people sometimes for real.
RFEndemann
33. Something Crawling
Had a patient come in for itching eyes... After an exam, I saw a creature crawl across his eyeball & have eyelashes that were full of nits.
I had to explain to him that, yes, he did have lice in his eyes and eyelashes, and yes, it was completely possible. However, some people don’t take it seriously.
![33. Something Crawling](/fp/static/_d_4d718eb5-ef02-4e29-8c38-5886adab6108.jpeg)
![33. Something Crawling](/fp/static/_m_4d718eb5-ef02-4e29-8c38-5886adab6108.jpeg)
He then told me that his girlfriend had just been treated for pubic lice. Well, that made sense. Whomp whomp!
Freckleface88
34. Preggy Bud
I'm not a people doctor, but it still applies. My wife is a veterinarian and had a client come in for her dog acting lethargic.
Come to find out, the pooch wasn't fixed and was now pregnant. The owner, who was in her mid to late thirties, told my wife that "it only happened once."
![34. Preggy Bud](/fp/static/_d_37f1619d-837d-4eff-a676-d79b23f04f9c.jpeg)
![34. Preggy Bud](/fp/static/_m_37f1619d-837d-4eff-a676-d79b23f04f9c.jpeg)
Well, my wife replied, "Well, just like in people, sometimes it only takes once." Yeah, that made sense. Sometimes, once is enough. LOL!
listerfeind
35. Saving A Dog
Vaccines are needed to help keep people and pets from getting terrible diseases and dying horrible deaths. Work at a vet clinic and a puppy was diagnosed with parvo, which, FYI, is a terrible disease that can be prevented by vaccination.
It severely affects by making the puppies dump and vomit themselves to death, essentially. Which was exactly what our blunt doctor told them.
The owners said they didn't want to get the dog vaccinated before because they believed it would cause the dog to develop autism.
They then left, walking the dog out to our protests, spreading a highly contagious disease through a store filled with pets, including people bringing their puppies in.
![35. Saving A Dog](/fp/static/_d_19aae270-5c08-4f0c-9ea0-917e60be95e3.jpeg)
![35. Saving A Dog](/fp/static/_m_19aae270-5c08-4f0c-9ea0-917e60be95e3.jpeg)
He called today to get some anti-nausea medicine so the dog could "get better and be back to his old self instead of sick, gross, and annoying."
The doctor had to speak with them again on the phone and just, basically short of yelling, said, "Your puppy is dying. Anti-nausea meds will not fix him. Taking him to the specialty hospital and having him admitted may save his life.”
“Still, since you keep yelling at me, saying you have no money, then you need to take him to a shelter to be out to sleep so he doesn't die suffering because of your stupidity." He finally snapped.
[deleted]
36. Not A Prank
Someone I knew when I was doing my welding training was an ER nurse. I assumed stories like the one he told me were why he was switching careers (that welders make serious cash).
A guy came into the ER, very paranoid and twitchy but seemingly otherwise alright...until he turned his back on one of the nursing staff and revealed a knife handle sticking out of his back.
Someone had stabbed him in the back and left the knife there. The guy wouldn't believe it. He said his family had made him go to the ER, but he thought they were crazy.
![36. Not A Prank](/fp/static/_d_e7380cea-3cb6-47de-aab9-e6b806c9061c.jpeg)
![36. Not A Prank](/fp/static/_m_e7380cea-3cb6-47de-aab9-e6b806c9061c.jpeg)
Several doctors and nurses, even with a combination of mirrors, an x-ray, and pictures on camera phones, couldn't convince him he had a knife sticking out of his back.
He kept insisting they were trying to scam him. Even when he put his hand back there and felt the blood, he insisted they put it there and that it wasn't his.
Eventually, they got him into surgery and removed the knife, but for a good hour, they had at least ten people trying to convince this guy that, yes, he did have a knife stuck in him.
You'd think, "Sir, you have a goddamn knife in your back" wouldn't need much more explanation than that, but for this guy, it took some convincing.
HeloRising
37. Manners Over Anything
This is not my experience, but my uncle is an orthopedic surgeon and one day, he had a small kid come in with a suspected fractured middle finger.
After running the x-ray and confirming the fracture, he asked the boy to put up the finger so he could splint it. He could see that the kid was hesitating.
![37. Manners Over Anything](/fp/static/_d_5c308542-48b0-409f-a074-6462dbd90564.jpeg)
![37. Manners Over Anything](/fp/static/_m_5c308542-48b0-409f-a074-6462dbd90564.jpeg)
The boy put up his ring finger because "he's not supposed to point his middle finger, so can he just get the splint on another finger." That was dumbly cute.
Rawtoast24
38. Human Sponge
Obligatory 'not a doctor but' In my first year of Uni, my friends and I made an attempt to be vaguely healthy and did an aerobics class.
Walking home from the gym and chatting to one of my friends, she remarked that it was a good workout but pointless cause we didn't shower immediately afterward.
![38. Human Sponge](/fp/static/_d_72d74029-e0c9-4bea-b519-a597259f5b97.jpeg)
![38. Human Sponge](/fp/static/_m_72d74029-e0c9-4bea-b519-a597259f5b97.jpeg)
She thought that the fat you burned came through your skin in your sweat, and you had to wash it off straight away, or it would soak back in.
LizVet
39. Clueless Owners
Used to work at a vet. The family brought their male puppy in, saying he had what looked like ticks on his stomach. My co-worker had to tell them that male dogs have nippies, too.
Sadly, my bff made me drive over to her house over the same incident, only she had a female puppy (come on, really?), and even after I repeatedly asked her over the phone if she was positive, they were not her nippies (symmetrical, either side).
![39. Clueless Owners](/fp/static/_d_3a5eaec4-ce7a-42f8-acc0-288f15ab9b09.jpeg)
![39. Clueless Owners](/fp/static/_m_3a5eaec4-ce7a-42f8-acc0-288f15ab9b09.jpeg)
Apparently, she thought black nippies were weird on a dog with white and black fur.
We also had a client who bought heartworm preventative for their dog, but instead of feeding it the chews, they were putting reminder stickers on the dog's tongue.
tnguo
40. Wrong Medication
Not a doctor, but while working at a hospital doing some voluntary work, there was a patient who came into A&E with really bad abdomen pain.
![40. Wrong Medication](/fp/static/_d_c0c56258-030b-4977-b9a7-b26926112bdf.jpeg)
![40. Wrong Medication](/fp/static/_m_c0c56258-030b-4977-b9a7-b26926112bdf.jpeg)
We took an x-ray, and we found he was really constipated. The guy didn't stop taking Imodium (this could be a brand name and not the actual medical name, basic medication to stop you having diarrhea) tablets after he stopped suffering symptoms.
When we told him he looked like we had just offended his family or something, I think he was suffering an internal facepalm attack.
dan1299
41. Certainly Not Biodegradable
This young woman came into the ER with abdominal discomfort. When the doctor on call checked her out, he sensed this odd smell coming from her nether regions.
So he starts to examine further, and he notices that there is something that looks like a string coming out from the private part.
![41. Certainly Not Biodegradable](/fp/static/_d_c976d994-6adc-4b85-8fdc-ca1292e8b6d0.jpeg)
![41. Certainly Not Biodegradable](/fp/static/_m_c976d994-6adc-4b85-8fdc-ca1292e8b6d0.jpeg)
Long story short, this woman had multiple tampons stuck inside because she thought they were biodegradable. What the heck?
kindarubbery
42. Cluelessly Foolish
New age types are the worst. Lady comes in for a checkup.."Isn't it true that it's possible to live forever." me: No. Her "I believe it is." Me: That's fine, but this universe won't exist forever, so where do you plan on going?
![42. Cluelessly Foolish](/fp/static/_d_fe40304d-7158-4ecb-810d-52f5941ad598.jpeg)
![42. Cluelessly Foolish](/fp/static/_m_fe40304d-7158-4ecb-810d-52f5941ad598.jpeg)
Another lady came in for repeated sinus infections. I asked about her living environment, and she mentioned that it was caked in mildew and the carpets had water damage.
She didn't think that maybe she and her kids were always sick because of this. It was one of those "Oh fudge" times because of the line between ignorance and endangering children. She got the house taken care of, and everyone got better.
Chinadoc
43. Indenial Woman
Examined a woman with a characteristic right upper quadrant scar. Commented, "I see you've had your gallbladder out."
She says, "No, they took out my liver." I explained that I was sure they hadn't done that. You can't live without your liver. Maybe they took a portion? The left lobe? "No, they had to take the whole thing."
![43. Indenial Woman](/fp/static/_d_662e9c80-f5cc-4537-ad6c-d928d608e00d.jpeg)
![43. Indenial Woman](/fp/static/_m_662e9c80-f5cc-4537-ad6c-d928d608e00d.jpeg)
I explained that was impossible, and she got upset and ended up leaving a very nasty comment and a poor grade on one of those health-grade websites
mindocdan
44. Failed Pregnancy
My dad was an Ob/Gyn in Liverpool in the late 70s. He once had a couple come to see him who were trying to get pregnant but were failing.
Investigations proved that both had nothing wrong with them, so they were invited in for a chat. He explained the results, and the couple said they were having it regularly and could not understand why they weren't getting pregnant.
![44. Failed Pregnancy](/fp/static/_d_a7b8ffe1-2f76-4569-bda0-f19848bd81b4.jpeg)
![44. Failed Pregnancy](/fp/static/_m_a7b8ffe1-2f76-4569-bda0-f19848bd81b4.jpeg)
Detecting a hint of retardation, he asked how they went about having it. He was putting his private part in her belly button because that's where the baby needed to go.
chasealex2
45. Dumb Guys
Sister-in-law is a midwife and nurse practitioner in a city and serves a range of patients in a free clinic. She once had a teenage man really, really bummed that he was having a girl.
All because it meant that he and his girlfriend couldn't make out. Wait for it… Lo and behold, he stated, “because he didn't want his baby to get pregnant.”
![45. Dumb Guys](/fp/static/_d_78c9b9fd-f540-4fd6-a418-b5e33b2af64d.jpeg)
![45. Dumb Guys](/fp/static/_m_78c9b9fd-f540-4fd6-a418-b5e33b2af64d.jpeg)
Another time, a woman asked if she could tell if the baby was white or black on the ultrasound because she wanted to figure out who was the father of two potential individuals.
stimilon