When people want to get personal, they head over to social media. That’s where some of the funniest jokes are found nowadays. Long are forgotten the days of radio or TV jokes.
Here are the funniest tweets from people that tweeted exactly what was on their minds. These people don’t shy away from telling it like it is.
Last night, while waiting in the audience for my daughter’s recital, I was trying to tell my son why I was not embarrassing. He wouldn’t believe me, though.
While trying to make my point, I notice the girl in front of us typing everything I say into her notes app. I guess I was a little embarrassing after all.
This one happened while I was exploring the woods nearby last weekend. It was particularly hot and humid, and it wasn’t my best hike but I kept pushing.
Then I saw a couple holding hands while hiking, and it gave me hope that one day I’ll meet someone who’ll make fun of them with me. One can only hope.
Yesterday my 7-year-old came into the room crying. I asked him what happened, and he said his 5-year-old brother put 80 cows into his house in Minecraft while he was offline.
That was “entirely too many cows,” and to be honest, I have no idea how to parent any of this. It wasn’t in the manual.
This one is not probably the most entertaining bit out there, but I had to say it because I believe in my words. Here it goes!
Imagine being the sun and finding out there is an entire line of glasses devoted to thwarting your vibe. I wouldn’t be too happy about it, that’s what I know for sure.
I encountered a post referring to issues that are dear to me. Someone went to Twitter to say, “I hate lazy people.” That’s not ok. So this was my reply.
“Why? We didn’t even do anything.” And it’s true. Why go against a category of people who are famous for not actually doing anything. It’s just crazy.
I was very young. One of my clearest memories of my grandfather is when he defeated me in chess, and I cried because I was a sore loser. I was 8 years old.
Then my grandfather said, “ok, I’ll play you left-handed,” and I won. And it took me until like last week to realize he was a big clown.
This happened at my workplace. Being the only single childless person in my office is wild. My coworkers were detailing their busy weekends with family shenanigans. When my boss asked me what I did, I said, “went to the farmers market. That’s pretty much it.”
Three of my coworkers gasped and started to cry. It wasn’t very pleasant.
I see all these posts on the internet lately, so I must say about it too. I am not a former gifted student. I am still gifted.
Put me in a fourth-grade class, and I’ll annihilate them all like I did the first time I was in the fourth grade. Just try me, and you’ll see.
I used to go to this amazing restaurant where there were only two choices every day and no menus or prices. I usually paid about 8 dollars for my lunch.
Once I took a family member who acted incredibly rude with the staff, and they charged us 60 dollars. More things should be priced like this.
I stumbled upon this post on my feed. A guy lied to a girl that he knew how to play chess. Then she wanted him to play with her online, so his question was: how can he learn how to play chess in 30 minutes?
Here’s what I said: make her use white, open another chess app and play as white. Then play her moves and reply with whatever the computer plays. This stuff is too easy.
Everyone has their morning routine. And while I’ve tried quite a few to see which would be perfect for me, I think I have found the right one.
I just need 8 to 12 hours of alone time in the mornings, and then I’m recharged and ready to tackle the day. It’s not too unreasonable, is it?
After a video interview with a recruiter, they sent me a form to complete. Most of it was nothing special, but one particular section caught my attention.
When filling out this job application, I saw they had a section for “previous life experience,” so I wrote down that I was a pharaoh in 2300 B.C.
I love reading about men in history, like “unfortunately, he never found a wife for himself. His elaborate scarf collection sold for 1.2 million dollars in 2011.
He and his closest male friend, Chauncey, with whom he shared a bed, died within weeks of one another. They were known for their fancy dinner parties.” There are hundreds of these.
This happened while I was on a work call. My roommate’s dog likes to sit on my lap while I’m working, and on Zoom, my boss was like, “Oh my gosh, please introduce that cute baby!”
So I unmuted myself and was like, “this is Evie,” but it turns out that my boss was talking to one of my coworkers, who had a literal human infant.