Walking The Rope
Modern-day dating is a vastly different world from the one that our parents might have once inhabited. Back then dating was more like an actual courtship. It was more formal, some might even say, more respectful. Fast forward to the world of Tinder.
In an age where your rejection can be based on whether a person swipes left or right, people are more selective about who they date. So when Redditers were asked to share their most ridiculous break-up stories, the results were predictably hilarious, strange, and even outrageous. Here are the best ones.
Sticks, Stones, And Pans
I know a guy that once broke up with a girl for using a fork in a non-stick pan. That guy is now my husband. I wasn't that girl, mind you, but I will sometimes use that fun fact when we have a disagreement to try and bring back the peace; "That tears it! (grabs fork, pulls out pan)
“I'll do it, man! You better smile now, or your precious Calphalon is toast!" He always bursts out laughing, so I'd say that it works!
The Correct Order Of Things
Back in college, I heard this one. He said: "She puts on her bra first, underwear second, every time she gets dressed.” Apparently, this was a big deal? Worst part was it was a mutual acquaintance who was heartbroken over the sudden breakup.
She asked ME why he broke up with her. I could not tell her the truth. I told her "You're just different people." Later it turned out he was gay, so probably for the best anyway.
Bedtime Woes
Knew someone who broke up with her boyfriend because he had a persistent bedwetting problem that lasted until he was 14 (he was 23 when the relationship started, by the way)
The funniest (or saddest, depending on your point of view) thing is that the relationship lasted less than a day.
Green-Eyed Monster
One of my first girlfriends dumped me because a woman talked to me. It was at the mall, we were with friends and just looking around at a bookstore. I was looking at Stephen King books and this good-looking salesgirl asks if I'm looking for anything in particular.
I don't say much, but she tells me about the latest release and such, typical sales talk as far as I can tell. She walks away and I look over at my girl and she is staring daggers at me. I don't think she ever said a word, just goes to her friend and says "let's go". They leave, and I literally never saw her again.
Regretting It
"I love you but I am just not in love with you." Not fully unreasonable in itself but he still proceeded to contact me and tried to get back together for over two years after the (two-year-long) relationship ended saying he made a mistake.
He finally stopped when I told him I was trying to enjoy a night with my boyfriend and he was disturbing me. He called me all kinds of unsavory names and that was that, never heard from him again.
High Standards
Some people take petty to a whole new level. Maybe it was just an excuse or maybe she was really this entitled and lazy, we may never know. Anyway, here goes.
It happened a few years back and I saw the whole thing first-hand. This woman was busy yelling at her boyfriend and eventually broke up with him cause he lived on the fifth floor and there was no lift in the building.
Putting Her Foot Down
I once broke up with a guy because his Facebook pictures were just too douchy (he wasn't a douchy guy, but his pictures were so douchy).
I've also heard: "She had the curves of a Pogo. I just had to end it", "She walked like JarJar Binks when she wore heels"
Tactless
Lots of guys take their friend’s opinions a little too seriously but this ex of mine took things to extremes.
This guy broke up with me with a text while I was in class. His reasoning was "my friend thought that it was for the best." There was no hint of there being a problem leading up to it, just boom, done.
Textual Healing
Okay so maybe in today’s world this is more common or something. I just couldn’t stand it anymore. An ex and I broke up because of texting. I texted too little, she texted probably too much.
If I would answer three minutes late I’d get a call. It was like dang, you're going to see me in a half-hour. It became overwhelming.
I Never Even Met Her
My friend's weirdo girlfriend broke up with him because she went on vacation in Florida and decided to stay there instead of coming back.
If that wasn’t bad enough, according to her, his friends (me and my best friend) were douches. I never even met the girl.
Family Affair
There are lots of insecure guys out there but this was it for me. I compared notes with my girls and turns out it’s actually a common thing for guys to like expect that you had no other life before them.
Basically, my boyfriend broke up with him because I went to visit my mom instead of going to see him. I’m glad he did, dodged a bullet there.
Man’s Best Friend
I’m a pretty easy-going guy. Not one to care about petty stuff but if you know me, you know my pet is like family. It’s not weird, lots of people are like that.
My ex-girlfriend broke up with me because she didn't like my dog. Still don't know whether or not it was the real reason but if it was, all I can say is good riddance. He’s more loyal anyway.
Ouch
So please don’t judge me. I was a kid and didn’t know any better. At the time, it felt like weird and I had no idea what it meant exactly.
Anyway, gosh this is embarrassing, but here goes nothing: I broke up with a girl because she got her period. In my defense, we were in sixth grade at the time.
Yikes!
So there you have it. Modern-day dating ain’t no joke. Maybe it's a sign of the times that people have just become so picky or maybe they were justified.
Either way, as you can see, it’s a jungle out there. What do you think about some of these stories? Do you have any of your own?