34. I’m Not A Calculator
Not me, but a coworker. A table wanted to split the bill but was expecting her to do the maths (our tills don’t split in half, just by items. And she wasn’t the best at maths.)
Her response was, “I’m not a calculator.” Normally that would get someone in trouble, but this table had been dicks to multiple staff, so she got away with swearing at a customer.