I once went on a blind date with this cute girl a friend knew. We started with a movie, and everything went okay throughout. No complaints.
The real disaster actually happened as we were leaving the theater. After the movie finished, as we were pulling out of the parking lot, the girl saw her father leaving the same movie…with a woman who definitely wasn’t her mother. This definitely ruined the night for her.
I was in my freshman year. This guy took me to Wendy’s for a date because neither of us had that much money. He had one of those monotone voices and could drone on and on and on about nothing.
He began telling a story when I swallowed my water the wrong way and started coughing badly. This was still a date, so at first, I tried to politely expel the water, but to no avail.
As he continued to talk, I started hacking all over the table. Tears were streaming down my face, water was dribbling down my chin, and I was pounding my own back in a futile attempt to get the devil water out of my system.
He kept talking. Trying to hold the water in at first was a bad idea. I could not stop coughing. But then it got so much worse.
I bent down under the table, hoping to cough up the liquid more easily. The whole restaurant was staring at me in silence, except for my date, who was still telling his story.
When I finally managed to stop coughing, I tried to listen to the rest of what he was saying, but I had no idea what he was talking about.
Despite my wet, red face and smeared makeup, he continued with his anecdote as if nothing was wrong. When he finally finished, I apologized for my coughing fit and explained that I had accidentally swallowed my water.
He simply replied, “Oh, I was wondering what was wrong with you.” Thanks for the concern. We did not have a second date.
I once had a blind date who walked into the restaurant wearing a niqab, which is a type of veil worn by some Muslim women. However, she was not Muslim and had a different reason for wearing it.
She wanted us to have a conversation without me knowing what she looked like, which was a bit strange and reminded me of something you might see on TV.
Despite this, I could see her point and decided to give it a try. However, I ended up not liking her based on her personality.
I went on a date with a guy who seemed really sweet, and we had a nice, classy dinner at a restaurant. The food and atmosphere were both great, but things took a turn at the end of the main course when he pulled out his phone and started showing me pictures he had taken of his private parts. It was a very shocking surprise.
Like…different angles, lighting, and dynamic effects. I rode with him to the restaurant, so I had to sit next to him on the ride home and fight the urge to fling the door open and tuck ‘n roll.
I had recently started dating this guy, and we were on our way to Circuit City to browse around for a few things he needed for his computer.
While in the car on the way there, an annoying techno song came on and I commented on how I couldn’t stand how often they played it on the radio. He turned it up a bit, telling me that he liked the song.
I laughed and jokingly said, “OK, well I’m not talking to you until this song finishes!” I smiled at him and looked away, just enjoying the car ride. This turned out to be a huge mistake.
We park the car, and I immediately sense that something is wrong. He’s walking a few paces in front of me, clearly trying to avoid walking side by side.
I let it go and ran to catch up to him. I take his arm and kiss him on the cheek and proceed to walk to the store with him. Again, he seems distant. I ask him what’s wrong and he tells me he’s fine.
I let it go and decided to enjoy the shopping we were there to do. We’re browsing through the store, and suddenly I realize that he’s nowhere to be seen.
It was around 7:00 PM at the time, and the store was pretty crowded. I figure he must have wandered to another aisle and I do the same. 15 minutes later, there is still no sight of him. AT ALL.
I’m walking through the store searching for him, and nothing. It’s now 8 PM. I call his cell phone, and it rings out. I walk out to the car, and it’s empty. There are about six other stores in the complex, and I wasn’t about to walk to each one searching for him.
It’s now 8:45, and I’m getting scared. The store closes at 9, so there aren’t that many people there. Finally, the store is closing, and I walk out to the nearly empty parking lot. Well, there he is, sitting in the car.
I ran over with tears in my eyes, asking what had happened. He looks at me calmly and says, “Now you know how it feels when the lines of communication have been cut.”
I drove a total of six hours to meet a guy I was talking to online who seemed nice. We saw a movie together which was largely uneventful, and we got back to his car, and he starts telling me to crush his junk.
Yes, there was no second date, and I wish I could take back those wasted hours.
I once went on a date with a girl, and this is how the conversation went: Her: “So, what’s your favorite book?” Me: “Tough, but when I was little I LOVED Jurassic Park.” Her: “Yuck, Jurassic Park.”
Me: “The book or the movie? EVERYBODY loves Jurassic PARK!” Her: “I don’t believe in dinosaurs.” Me: “Fossils?!??!??!” I was already at the end of my rope, but her next response just blew my mind.
Her: “I don’t want to get into it, but I think fossils are not real.” I ended the conversation there and tried to make the most of the rest of the night. However, later on, she told me, “I don’t believe in outer space,” and my head just exploded.
I wasn’t feeling great but decided to meet up with a girl at a Belgian beer bar anyway. She was gorgeous, fun, and totally into me. However, while we were there, I started to feel a gas pain and leaned forward slightly to quietly relieve the pressure.
Unfortunately, I ended up completely and explosively making a mess on myself. The odor hit instantly. I excused myself to the bathroom, but the damage was too great.
I walked out of the bathroom with muddy pants and quickly snuck out of the bar. I then boarded the train for home. The date was nothing compared to the horror of the following three weeks as I recovered from E. coli.
It was my freshman year of college. He took me to Wendy’s for a date because neither of us had a lot of money. He had one of those monotone voices, and could drone on and on and on about nothing.
He was telling one such story when I swallowed my water the wrong way and started coughing. This was still a date, so at first, I tried to politely expel the water, but to no avail.
As he continued to talk, I started hacking all over the table. Tears were streaming down my face, water was dribbling down my chin, and I was pounding my own back at a futile attempt to get the devil water out of my system.
He kept talking. Trying to hold the water in at first was a bad idea. I could not stop coughing. But then it got so much worse.
I bent down under the table, hoping the angle would make it easier to cough up the liquid. Everybody in the whole restaurant was staring at me in silence.
Except for my date, of course. He was still telling his story. I finally finished hacking up my lungs and tried to listen to the rest of his story. I had no idea what he was talking about.
He continued with his anecdote, unfazed by my wet, red face and smeared make-up. When he finally finished, I apologized for my coughing fit and explained that I had swallowed my water the wrong way.
To which he replied, “Oh, I was wondering what was wrong with you.” Thanks, my dude. We did not have a second date.
I was supposed to meet this woman, Mary. I got to the designated spot 20 minutes early. No one for a while. About 15 minutes after I was supposed to meet her, a woman walks by.
“Are you Mary?” I asked her. “Are you [arichi]?” she asked me. “Yes, I am.” She replied, “I’m not Mary.”
I went out with a guy who talked about his mother literally the entire time. I knew her favorite foods, movies, where she went to college, how she makes her spaghetti sauce…you name it, I heard it.
At one point I suggested he date his mom since no other person could compare to her. He looks at me almost like he’s contemplating it.
I look at him like he’s psychotic, and he yells at me and says that anyone who is half the woman his mother is should get down on their knees and thank God for their blessing.
Fast forward two years and he married his dad’s high school sweetheart. True story.
Drove a total of six hours to meet a guy I was talking to online who seemed nice. We saw a movie together which was largely uneventful, and we got back to his car and he starts telling me to crush his junk.
I was sitting in a hot tub. It was about the third or fourth time I hung out with this girl. Everything was going great and we were making great conversation. I was really getting to know her.
Out of nowhere, she says, “I want to let you in on something I haven’t told anyone.” I say okay, and she drops this on me.
She goes: “When I was six years old, my best friend and I were having fun in a hot tub. We were doing handstands just being kids. Well, she got her hair stuck in the bottom vent and drowned.
I tried to pull her out but I was too young and weak. So, I ran to get my parents. They couldn’t get her out… But the paramedics got her free by cutting off some of her hair.”
I was shocked and didn’t have any idea what to say. I told her I was sorry that happened and asked if she wanted to get out if the hot tub.
She wanted to stay in. After an hour or so, we ended up hooking up in the hot tub. I still don’t understand how you can’t pull someone out of a hot tub in a life or death situation like that. But then again, what do I know about hot tub vents?
I just finished dating the craziest of the crazy. We’d had quite a few incidents together and it ended with me calling her dad; who then called her and threatened to report her car stolen if she didn’t come home and quit stalking me around town…and that’s not even the half of it.
So, a month or so later I get a flower and a note on my car from a “secret admirer” saying she’s been watching me for some time but is too shy to meet me.
I know it’s my ex, it has to be, so I pass it off. She leaves another note with an email address and I send her an email telling her I know who she is and to leave me alone.
She insists she isn’t my ex and we go back and forth a few times about it. I caught her defending my ex a few times, which was the clearest giveaway.
A few weeks go by, with me continuing to try and ignore this situation and finally she says she wants to call me to prove she isn’t my ex—even though she’s already claimed to know her at this point.
I say what the heck, and give her my cell number, since my ex already had it. Sure enough, later that night I get a call from a number I don’t recognize. I answer, even though I’m pretty sick of dealing with her crap at this point.
Lo and behold there’s a girl with a voice I don’t recognize claiming to be this admirer on the other end. At first, I had a hard time believing it, but I know my ex’s voice and this definitely wasn’t her.
The girl took ownership for all the things that happened and even answered a few suspicious questions about her alleged events. She finally says she has to go because she’s at work and hangs up.
I’m shocked. I’d never had anyone do anything like that for me before and I’m a romantic deep down so at this point, I’m pretty entangled. Finally, she says she wants to meet and I—eagerly, with my heart on my sleeve, agree. We go to a bar I usually frequent and I grab a stool at the bar and order a drink.
Finally, the bartender walks over and sets down a beer in front of me saying a young lady bought it for me. I ask him to point her out and follow his index finger across the bar to a table. I should’ve known.
Sure enough, there at the table sat my ex. I told him to dump the drink down the sink and stormed over to her, as angry with her as I was at myself for being so stupid. The only thing that didn’t make sense was the phone call, so I demanded she explain.
She finally gave in and told me she put her roommate up to it, which was pretty crushing. I couldn’t believe another human being would let her brief her on everything that’d been going on and pretend to be this girl just to screw with me.
After that, I left and told her if she ever talked to me again, I’d get a restraining order.
My first date ever. I went for a blind date downtown. At the time I lived in the suburbs, so it was an hour by public transit. We met up at a Thai restaurant and ended up ordering the same dish.
The food was spicy and all the heat came from one pepper per dish. We dared each other to eat our pepper. He spat it out. I didn’t.
I took three trips to the washroom within the next hour and drank a lot of milk, provided by the restaurant as a courtesy. The conversation was terse.
I felt awkward. Is this how a date is supposed to go? We left and, since neither of us were familiar with the area, we went to some nearby department store to window shop.
We ended up in separate parts of the store, mostly because we didn’t have very much in common. I’m thinking about how much longer this date is going to last when I feel it.
A rumbling in my bowels. I knew at that point that I had to go to the bathroom immediately. It wasn’t something that was going to be negotiated.
I make a mad dash to the nearest store employee, who informs me there isn’t a washroom in the store. The guy is nowhere in sight so I run off to a place next door where they reluctantly let me use their basement toilet.
Too late. I poop my pants on the way down. I spend the next hour cleaning up in the washroom with an ungodly amount of toilet paper.
There’s no cell service, so I can’t call the guy with some quick excuse. By the time I get out, he’s long gone, not that I really wanted to see him at that point. I was supposed to see a friend around that time but he assumed I ditched.
That’s not too bad. The worst part was that I had to take the subway back, an hour commute, with a mess hidden in my pants and, oh god, I’m sure people knew.
I met a guy online and suggested that we go for a drink. He said he doesn’t drink, which I didn’t think anything of at the time, so we met for dinner. Super attractive guy, got along well, but throughout the conversation it came up that he didn’t have a car.
I asked why, and he told me, there had been an accident but it’s hard to talk about. Silly me, thinks he was probably injured in the accident and so I just let it go.
Then he drops on me that he has to be home by 10, because he lives with his mom and has a curfew. Ok, now I’m weirded out but I assume this curfew is his mother’s doing. So, I ask if she’s just really strict or if he did something to deserve a curfew. He said he deserves it.
Now the alarm bells are going but I still stupidly offer him a ride home so he doesn’t have to take the bus. Keep in mind, my last boyfriend lived with his parents so it wasn’t a totally weird situation to me…though it was getting there.
We get back to his place and sit in his driveway talking for a bit and it finally comes out that this “accident” was him getting drunk and driving the wrong way down a one-way street. But it doesn’t end there.
He had also run over a pedestrian, killing her. He was brought up on charges of manslaughter and was currently out on bail while awaiting trial. Now, this is bad enough, but what really sealed the deal, and this is 100% true, at this very moment a woman walks up to the car, bends over to look in my window, and screams, “I KNEW IT!”
She then starts shrieking at my date in French. My French isn’t great so I didn’t catch most of it. She then turns around, gets in her car, and peels off. My date apologized and said, I swear, she’s not like my girlfriend or anything!
I just quietly said, “I think I should go.” It honestly didn’t even feel real. And there you have it.
I was out to lunch with a co-worker and his girlfriend, and she needed to know why I was single. She likes to play match-maker a lot and she just HAD to set me up. Oh, how ominous.
So, I got this girl’s number and on day 1 we have a pleasant exchange of information via cell phone (text only). Day 2, she started texting me a lot more.
This girl decides that we need to take turns asking each other anything-goes questions, responding honestly, and then returning a different question. Ok, this is bearable and not that weird.
So, this goes on literally like all day. From like 3 pm until midnight or 1 am. Anytime I start taking too long in between text messages, she texts me random song lyrics from wildly different genres.
Day 3, I am busy with work most of the day and I don’t text her until like 9 pm at night and she’s being a little “moody” expressing her concern about why we weren’t texting 200 times again today.
Day 4 is date night. I agree to meet her at Buffalo Wild Wings. She chooses the time, I agree, we state that we will meet and whoever gets there first will get a table. 7:45 pm is our rendezvous time.
I’m early for everything, but I held myself off and waited until about 7:50 to walk in, hopeful she had got us a spot. Nope, not there yet. No big deal.
I get a table, have a nice chat with the cute waitress. 10, 15 minutes goes by and I get a text that she is running late. Yeah, no kidding. I tell her where I am sitting. I order a beer to pass the time. 25 minutes have gone. Still nothing.
I order some potato wedges and another beer and text her again. She’s “on the way.” I decide internally that when my beer is done, I pay and leave. Unfortunately, the potato wedges and the football on TV slow me down and 45 minutes have gone by and I am just about to find the waitress and pay up…
I turn my head and there is my date. We greet and say hey and she tells me a little bit more about herself and over the next 10-20 minutes she takes me on a magical voyage of vapid, unrestrained blathering. She is one of those people who constantly makes comments about how she is “just so quirky” and how witty and clever she is.
And she does these weird, side-ways smiles and strange looks after every sentence because hey, she’s just so quirky right?
Eventually, dinner happens, and she takes like 35 minutes to eat like six freaking boneless wings. After she finishes, I make every effort possible to alert our waitress I am ready. This girl was great, she keyed in on me right away and knew I was patiently waiting (and looked like I was being stood up) and was very diligent about coming by and exchanging a quick chat with me while I nursed my beers.
I grabbed her, got the bill, tipped well, and left. I just got it all on one bill and paid for this blind date. I told her, “You can pay when you take me out next week!” With the fakest smile anyone has ever mustered.
After my blind date finally left and went back to her car, I handed the ticket to my waitress. She took out the customer-copy receipt and wrote her number on the back and handed it to me.
I gave an admittedly confused look. “I was with you for the whole thing, and that was brutal. You’re a saint. Let me take you out and redeem woman-kind. Any man who would wait for someone like that for 45 minutes is at least worth that.” Been with her 1.5 years strong!
So, I was talking to this girl online and she was the one that initiated the first contact by commenting on my pictures and saying that she thinks I look good.
We started chatting after that, talking on the phone and everything seemed to be just fine, and then she invited me to come and visit her, so I accepted the invitation. This was the start of one of the most awkward experiences of my life.
I had to take the bus an hour outside of my town, and I had to ask the bus driver to stop at a location where the bus ordinarily doesn’t stop because this girl lived somewhere remote.
I got out of the bus and I met her, and she was dressed like Trinity from The Matrix. We started walking into the nearby forest, and right away I start to feel uneasy about this.
The road wasn’t lit and there were no houses; nothing, just trees and darkness. We walked in silence since she wasn’t able to hold up her part of the conversation—she replied with one word or just remained silent. I should have turned around at this point, but I was trying to be open-minded when it came to dating.
After a while, a little boy appears on a bike and he rides it in circles around us; falling over every now and then, biking off the road, occasionally hits a tree. The girl doesn’t mind this at all.
At some point, I have to ask: “Who is this? Do you know him?”—“Don’t mind him, he is mentally challenged.”—“What?”—“It’s my brother, there’s something wrong with him.”
The situation starts to become surreal. I’m walking through a moonlit road in the forest with Trinity and her mentally challenged brother. Until I finally see it…the house. This scene is taken straight out of a horror movie.
It’s just one lonely house in the middle of the forest. When I see the house, my initial thought is: “This is where I’m going to die.”
But I get into the house, and I meet her father at the door, he doesn’t understand what I’m doing when I try to shake his hand. I don’t think Trinity has told him that she was going to have company over, and I guess they never have guests here.
We walked over to her bedroom, and this is where it gets really weird because her walls are black. On the wall, she has painted this Satanist symbol. The room is lit by candles and her bed has skulls on the bedpost.
There is nothing else in this room, and then she proceeds to sit on the floor and starts to ask me repeatedly: “What should we do?” I’m paralyzed by fear at this point, but I have to ask: “So you are a Satanist?”—“Yes, I worship the Devil.”—“Do you melt in sunlight?” I actually asked this, and she laughed.
I then asked: “Is that why you live like this? Because the villagers have driven your family away?” She laughs again. I the other hand, am completely serious.
Then her mother storms in and yells: “Stop screwing around, it’s time for dinner.” Then she asks me, “Do you eat goat?” I’m stunned. After what seems like an eternity, I replied that I’m fine.
But I’m here, with a Satanist in the middle of the forest and the family eats goat. That goat had to have been sacrificed in some sort of ritual to please the Devil. I thought: “Oh, alright, I have to survive this, I have to be polite, these people have to lead me back to the bus stop.”
So, I put on my brave face, suffer through the evening, I even make out with Trinity just to ensure that I was going to be able to leave.
I get a ride to the bus and on the way, she forces me to hold her hand in the car. And the moment I leave the car the texts start piling up, with her telling me that “It feels like you love me.” When I was secured on the bus I replied: “You will never see me again.”
I had to cut a lot of things out, for example, that she spent the entire evening talking about her ex-boyfriend; an alcoholic that never got dressed unless somebody told him to get dressed, and that got her number by stalking her for a month and so forth. It’s just the most bizarre thing I have ever been through.
Back in high school a buddy of mine decided to try to set me up with one of his many chick friends who didn’t have a date to homecoming. Now, this guy has slightly different tastes in women than me, but I decided to go for it.
I knew nothing of the girl I was going with until I met her the night of. She was unattractive physically and had a terrible personality.
Of course we went out got dinner and went to the dance and stuff, but that night was terrible from my perspective. Me and him now have a mutual agreement that if one of us is setting up the other, at least a picture, and some basic description of personality.
I was set up on a blind date with my roommate’s girlfriend’s roommate. It was actually a double-date, and we walked from their place to a Mexican restaurant nearby.
On the way there, we saw my date’s ex drive by (they’d broken up fairly recently after a long relationship). She, apparently, was assured that we were all just going to dinner as friends and that this most definitely was not a date, so she vented about her ex several times over the course of the meal.
It wasn’t until I paid for her meal that she realized that it was, in fact, a date. I, of course, thought that she was a crazy girl, and I had just been burned by another crazy girl, so I was wasn’t going to make that mistake again.
That was eight-and-a-half years ago. Right now, our three-year-old daughter is playing with her toy trains in our living room.
I got set up with the daughter of one of my parents’ friends. I wasn’t really looking forward to it, but I was on break from college, and she apparently went to school not far from me, so it wasn’t like a lost-cause summer romance type thing.
They showed me pictures and said nice things about her. I picked her up from her parents’ place (we were both home for the summer) and was a little surprised by how pretty she was.
The pictures had been from when she was in high school, and didn’t do her justice. The date was dinner and a movie. Dinner went really well; we had a lot in common, she was very grounded and down-to-earth, cared about the environment.
If I have a type, she was it. So, as we’re walking to the movie theater, I slipped my arm around her waist. She pushed me away and got all serious. “I’m really sorry, because you seem like a nice guy, but…I’m a lesbian.
I just went out with you to make my parents happy.” Sitting through The Chronicles of Narnia with her was the most awkward two hours of my life.
Small background on my life at the time: I had just opened up a LAN Center, I had been working every day for the last four months to prepare for the opening. So, my friend set me up with a friend of his wife.
I picked her up and took her out to this nice restaurant in town. Trying to decompress from a full four months of work was a little bit difficult, but I managed to not talk about work at all.
We picked up on interests and things we like to do outside of work. Since my work at the time was games, I didn’t really bring up that I played games and ran a LAN center.
Somehow the conversation turned into major dislikes and turnoffs and she brought up how much she hated gaming. She went on a five-minute tirade on how games are the devil and those who sell them and enable children to play them are the problem with society.
Computer games are going to be the downfall of society as we know it and she won’t have anything to do with them. I quietly sat there listening with a dumb grin on my face which she interpreted as agreeing with her.
She finishes talking and then goes, “So what do you do for a living?” I sat there for a second thinking how to respond—but then I finally came up with the perfect answer: “I’m the devil and I corrupt kids’ souls.” She freaked out and hurried out of the restaurant. I don’t think she got the joke…
Met for drinks. Awkward enough because I don’t drink, but whatever. He went to the bar and came back with a pitcher of beer with a straw in it. He drank at least three of those. The last I saw, he was face down on the sidewalk, and the bouncer was trying to get him a cab.
I went on a date with this girl:
“I am tall like a pine in a restless wind, boughs outstretched, chasing the glitter and glam of life as it passes, imparting only a whisper of beauty and meaning. I am tall, like a bent giant in a room made for the taller people of a shorter species.”
She actually talked like that and believed what she was saying. She was amazingly horrible and tried to con me into buying her a 50-dollar dinner, and was pissed I didn’t fall in love with her after 10 minutes of her crazy person babble.
I text this girl from PoF, and we seem to get along really well, I ask her out, scheduled for a few days later, and she accepts. We have a fairly lengthy time of texting, and we share our experiences on the site, I mention that I keep getting last-minute date cancellations, and she commiserates, saying that sucks.
I text her again a day before the date, and no response, I try one more time, and again no response. I figure that’s not good, but the next day I decide to just let her know I’m not going to be going either since I figure that’s a cancellation.
I let her know, she tells me she’s canceling because she setup a date with someone else. I mean, that’s just rude!
I went on a date with this person who spent the entire date telling me, while we were in a crowded Mexican restaurant, first, how much he hated his wife but wouldn’t divorce her because he hated her so much that he didn’t want her to have anything he had, followed by the detailed story of her suicide.
Went to the zoo with a guy, we rushed through it and he wouldn’t let me see much of anything because he had a hair appointment he just had to keep. He was getting his remaining hair frosted.
Second and last date, he left me sitting alone at a table in the park for around a half an hour because he saw a tree he simply “had” to meditate under. Alone.
I was on a second date with a guy I met on the Internet. Boring guy, fast car. He decides to evade the police while driving 120mph on the highway, takes an exit & I end up in an upside-down 350Z, which had rolled over at 90mph into a stone wall & a telephone poll.
Over a year of physical therapy. Minor nerve damage. Will never Internet date again!
Online dating has had some horrors….One guy failed to mention he DIDN’T HAVE TEETH. And after he revealed this (in person) proceeded to invite me to get food. WUT?
Another came to a date SO HIGH… he couldn’t hold a conversation, except when he started talking about how he needed to harvest his plants. SMH.
I once went on a date with a guy, and while we were driving to dinner we got a speeding ticket. He asked me to pay for the ticket, because I was distracting him, and then took me to dinner where he made me foot the bill.
After that he took me to a nightclub, where he told me about other girls he brought there. I then made him take me home, and told him to forget my number.