1. Drunk Driver
I was eating at a Mexican restaurant with my young cousin, who was autistic. She has a hard time going in public, but I was trying to be nice and take her to eat and go see Dolphin Tale (she loves dolphins, like seriously).
There was a table next to us that was on their 2nd or 3rd pitcher for margaritas, and they were being very loud and crude. It was making my little cousin very noticeably uncomfortable, so I walked over to the table and very politely tried to explain the situation.
Before I could even finish, one of them dumped his water all over my feet and went back to talking like I had never been there. I got all pissed but didn’t fight back. Before I walked back to my table, I noticed that there wasn’t a sober driver in the group. I left my cousin with my sister, stepped outside, and called my friend in town, who is a cop.
I explained the situation to him, told him what they were wearing, and got his help. They left the same time we did, and all piled up in a white SUV with the water-dumping douchebag as the driver (perfect).
As soon as the car moved in reverse, my friend flew around the corner, put his lights on, and asked the driver to step out. DUI and license suspension for the driver, drunk in public for the rest. Maybe not so petty, but super satisfying.