Embark on a journey through the comedic chaos of life's repetitive moments. From coffee spills to email mistakes, join the collective eye-rolls as people share amusing memories. Find humor in life's delightful absurdities!
1. Bringing Reinforcements
I'm a fairly heavy sleeper, so for a long time, I've had a loud alarm clock placed across the room so that when it goes off I'm fully awake due to the time it takes to get up, walk across the floor and turn the thing off.
Recently however my body decided it wasn't going to let me get in the way of sleep that easily, so now whenever it’s been going off I'll unconsciously get up, walk across my bedroom, tear the clock out from its socket, and then drag it back into bed with me.
I've woken up snuggling my alarm clock enough that I now have to place multiple alarms around the room in order to make sure I don't just spoon my household appliances.
TourguideNixon
2. Learn Your Lesson, Buddy
I'm helping host a massive party in college, with hundreds of people. It is 2 am and things are winding down, just a few people are left dancing.
There is this one really drunk guy who keeps trying to grind on this one girl, who keeps telling him to shove it.
Finally, he does it again, and she maces him. He falls to the floor and screams "Hell! Not again!".
von_neumann
3. I’ve Done This Before
At least three, maybe four times now, I have attended a formal banquet and put out a small fire on the table caused by people not keeping their napkins away from the candles.
The most recent time was two years ago, when I dipped my napkin in my iced tea, and pushed it into the miniature inferno, without interrupting my conversation at all.
Someone asked about it, and I replied "Oh, I've just done this several times before." And no, these are not 'my' fires. They are other people's fires.
CatOfGrey
4. Hoping Of Never Seeing Them Again
Bedbugs. Jesus Christ. The barracks I lived in were filled with them. It took months before anyone would do anything and we "weren't allowed" to rent a local hotel.
After weeks of treatment. It seemed we were bedbug-free. I moved into an apartment off base, and not a week later I saw those little bastards crawling across my new apartment floor.
I have never since felt the rush of fear/anger/sadness that I felt after seeing those bastards again. It took 2 more months of treatment. I'm still not sure if the apartment building had them or if I brought them with me.
It's been about 6 years and I haven't seen the little blood suckers, but I still get a mini panic attack if I see a breadcrumb in bed.
[deleted]
5. Bad Memory Loop
I sent an email to a couple of the professors at my university, the main purpose of which was an attached file. Forgot to attach the file, and sent another e-mail like, 'Whoops sorry everyone, forgot to attach the file! Please find it attached here' - forgot to attach it again.
This alone still makes me cringe, but as if this wasn't enough, a few months ago I started working with one of these professors as an assistant to a major conference he's organizing for next year.
It was up to me to send out the 'Call for Papers' email to the 300+ people on our mailing list. Guess what happened, again. Greatly enjoyed the sea of e-mails I immediately received about the mystery file that was never attached.
Thank you for the gentle reminder that my life is a never-ending nightmare of incompetence.
paleviolet
6. Disgustingly Tired Of It
I work in an aged care facility that also houses quite a few residents with dementia. When I first started I was not expecting the sights I would encounter.
My first day was a gradual introduction to the processes of this facility. When I say gradual, I actually mean I was mopping crap-filled rooms for six hours. Of course, the alternative was trying to reason with someone who had just smeared crap on the walls.
When I came back the next day, it became obvious that this was a regular occurrence. "Hell, not again" was honestly muttered more than once. And even though I've been here two years, I keep finding myself saying "Hell, not again". EVERY MORNING.
OnthebackBurnie
7. Bad Quality Food
Diseases caught from unsanitary food. I live in a 3rd world country. Typhoid? Got it! Amoebic dysentery? Been there! Monthly diarrhea? Check! I've had to describe my crap so many times to doctors, I'm awesome at talking crap.
I live in Indonesia. Nope, not India. In fact, I didn't get food poisoning at all during my trips to India. I did get food poisoning immediately after I returned from India, and my Indian friends were cheering about that. And no, these aren't from roadside stalls.
Fun story, I got amoebic dysentery from a place that sells overpriced seafood called Holy Crab. My husband calls it Holy Crap now.
eraser_dust
8. No Resources
"We know that you have aspirations to own your own business, so we're going to give you more responsibilities at work. ... What's that? More money?
Well, no, we don't really have the resources for that. But as soon as [event] happens we can discuss moving you up to management."
This happened at my last job and I didn’t stand for it. It's happening right now at my current job, and I don't have a fallback job or any prospects. So, I'm now in charge of a bunch of crap the managers decided wasn't their job, and not getting a single cent for it.
Worse, I'm losing high-tip shifts because all this "management" work moves me to daytime instead of evening shifts. Yay, service industry.
[deleted]
9. Too Many Details
From when I was around 8 until my late teens, I would take such massive dumps that they would often clog toilets all on their own, without any toilet paper used. It could be the toilet in my house, in my grandparents' house, at school - no toilet was safe from my gargantuan shits.
This happened probably 1-2 times a year. Whenever I had a really big one I would cross my fingers as I flushed and wait for the tell-tale sign of the water level rising uncontrollably.
After I finished growing my bowel movements evened out and my dumps are much more manageable - though still larger than a normal person's poop I wager.
Chaotix2732
10. He Did It For Nothing
I had my ex-fiancé claim “intimate partner mistreatment” against me, primarily to save his ass from his new g/f when she found out he had still been seeing me. Got it dropped, moved on, new guy.
Two years later, I wanted to break up with him. He goes down and files for a d/v restraining order. Had to go to court to get that dropped as well. Losers. I gotta choose better guys to date, right?
notsherriseeley
11. Surgeries Over Surgeries
Surgery; I keep needing surgery. At the age of 14 (ish), I had two abdominal surgeries within the span of three months for the same problem. At 17 I was told my congenital heart condition was getting serious enough that surgery was my best shot.
At 22 (now) I have what is called a "chalazion" on my lower eyelid and if it doesn't resolve by itself, will need surgery to remove it (but I've been told this is not a major procedure - kind of like the many valvuloplasties I've had?). I keep needing surgeries.
makingitpurple
12. Getting Stuck Again
Little Makotako13 is about 8 or 9 with his family at Disneyland having an incredible time. Gets to meet his idol Buzz Lightyear, eat a disturbing amount of cotton candy, and generally do what 8-year-olds do at Disneyland.
Finally decided to go on 'It's A Small World' because what could possibly be more innocent? Everything is going fine until the ride stops. For four hours. Now, you might be thinking, it's okay he can spend time with his family and sit there or something.
But what you didn't realize is the song and the animatronics don't stop. They keep playing the exact same song on a loop for four hours. Finally, get off the ride and go home because having that song drilled into my head is enough for the day.
A few years later go to Disney again with my mom. Go to 'It's A Small World' again and joke about getting stuck. This time it was only two hours. Years and years later go to Disneyland with my girlfriend at the time and she really really wants to go.
I tell her that I've been stuck on it multiple times but she reassures me it'll be fine and I'm being a baby. Three hours later I'm a full grown man nearly crying with my girlfriend consoling me stuck on the same ride. Never again.
makotako13
13. Life Is Too Short
I sprained my ankle when I was 15, and it's continually re-sprained every so often ever since. I was very active before doing martial arts and hiking, and after two re-sprains while working well within my comfort zone, I quit my passions for almost fifteen years.
Now I'm 30, fat, and very unused to physical activity. Last year I decided to hell with it and took up martial arts again... sure enough, I sprained the ankle again doing a high side kick, but I'm back at it after a month of downtime and with a brace. Life's too short and waiting won't get me a better body.
bad_at_hearthstone
14. Stuck In A Loop
Police lights start flashing in all the windows. Seven officers have my house surrounded. All the neighbors are outside watching. Sheriff beats on the door while two deputies stand behind him with their hands on their guns.
Apparently, there is a warrant out for a lady whose last known residence was the house I had moved into four years ago.
They either don't believe me when I tell her I have no damn clue who this lady is or there is some issue where they can't easily put a note in the system to quit freaking raiding my house. It's happened six times in the past eight months.
Scerabi
15. Bad Coincidences
Seven years in a row, I had either a major injury or a major illness the week of my birthday.
Age 7: broke my arm. Age 8: horrible case of the flu. Age 9: streptococcus. Age 10: split my face open on a cafeteria table. Age 11: broken arm. Age 12: flu Age 13: broken collarbone. Every time was "Oh God, not again".
spunkychickpea
16. Procrastination Sucks
I've got a computer science project (Rush Hour Solver) due tomorrow at 2 pm, and I've barely started on it. I do this to myself literally every time, because my subconscious is all "Programming doesn't take that long, you'll be fine".
Programming doesn't take long, it's true. But debugging… It takes a lot of time.
[deleted]
17. Third Time’s The Charm, Right?
I was living in a camper at a horse show for a summer. The camper had a funny door mechanism and if it slammed shut behind you, it would instantly lock.
So l locked myself out with no way of getting back in. Ended up finding a lower compartment that connected to the living area. There was a small semi-broken barrier separating the two.
I busted through that and squeezed my gigantic self through a 30" square. I'm 6'4" and 220lbs - felt bad, man.
Get back into the camper, get ready to leave again, and... Hell... Forgot the keys and locked me out again. Not funny but semi-understandable.
I got back in again and locked myself out a THIRD TIME. At that point, I accepted the fact that I have severe autism and should no longer be part of society.
beatkid
18. Learned My Lesson
My fiancé and I were backpacking through Europe. I am a sales rep and she is an operations manager. Which means I am the pretty face and she is the brains of the operation. For some reason, the logistics of the trip fell on my shoulders.
We were traveling from Linz Austria to Munich on a train but there was some girl with her infant children in our seats. We are nice people and speak very little German, so we didn't say anything.
A few minutes later we were reviewing our itinerary for the next 15 days. Rami, my fiancé, realized that we were a whole day early and we were on the wrong train.
We explained it to the lady who checked the tickets, who just chuckled, but my fiancé was not happy. We reorganized the trip and spent an extra day in Munich. We called the hostel and scheduled an early arrival.
Flash forward. Munich -> Prague -> Munich -> Venice -> Vienna. Flying out of Vienna, we get to the airport and our passports don't scan. Panic immediately sets in. Run to the counter saying "Not again not again not again."
The nice lady behind the counter looks through the itinerary. We were a day late and we had to spend an extra $600 USD to fly back to London and spend the night in Vienna. Needless to say, I am never in charge of the itinerary again.
Newcraft
19. Not Him Again
A dude I went to high school with messed with my girlfriend while I was in the army.
20 years later (and about a week ago) my ex-wife is showing me pictures of her home remodel, swipes 1 too many pics too far, it's a picture of a dude she's been talking to. Same one that messed with my girlfriend while I was in the army 20 years ago.
flangleshelm
20. My Worst Nightmare
Not a story, but tonsillitis. Never had it as a kid, ever, and then I started getting it basically once every month around the age of 22. Fortunately, I haven't had it in about a year now. For those who don't know, it involves a killing fever + headache that lasts for maybe three to four days.
The worst timing was when I had to cover at a cafe I worked at every day of the week, both opening and closing with my manager.
I got it the second day or so, and by the end of the week, I just wanted to die. The second worst timing was when having a 3-hour wet lab exam that involved a lot of pipetting and mental arithmetic.
JEesSs
21. Not A Pleasant Situation
I live in a home with 2 females (with long, below shoulder length, hair) and 3 cats. Cats like to put things in their mouth, food, toys, etc. Sometimes there will be a hair of said females on whatever they put in their mouth.
Now if you didn't know this, hairs don't digest in a cat's intestinal system.
So when the cat goes to do his business, it will sometimes occur that Mr. Hankey will go bungee jumping from the cat's rear, while dragging/smearing it all over the house.
gazeebo88
22. Copy And Paste
I was dating this girl, and at one point she started telling me that she was thinking about getting a tattoo. So I basically said, "Hey, sounds cool. Let me know if you decide to get it, and I can go with you."
She replied, "Oh, well <other guy> was going to take me one day, you'd probably be at work at that time. Surprise, she had been cheating on me with that guy.
Next relationship and I'm not kidding. "Hey, I was thinking about getting a tattoo." So I reply, "Cool! Hey, let me know when you are thinking about getting it, and I can take some annual leave and go with you."
She replied, "Oh, well... <other guy> said he wanted to go with me, and I know you two don't exactly get along..." And God damn it, she ended up cheating on me with him. Twice. In a row. Back to back.
DrewsephVladmir
23. I’d Rather Stay Inside
For some reason, I tend to get stuck in the bathroom with people when they hear bad news. Like, I've been in the bathroom when someone hears about the death of a loved one 3 separate times.
Then they run to the bathroom to cry (or in the most recent case, she was on the phone in the bathroom) and their tears of anguish are punctuated by me defecating. Then I have to walk out and see the person and it's intensely awkward.
djcleansweep
24. I Never Deserved This
Served 8 years in the army. Got demoted 2 weeks away from ETSing for riding my motorcycle without a company safety inspection (licensed and insured btw).
Then got chaptered out under an "unsatisfactory performance" chapter with a general discharge. For those of you who don't know, that's usually what they do if you have a substance-related charge or mess up repeatedly. 8 freaking years.
Lagged89
25. That Felt Familiar
I accidentally robbed a grocery store, twice. Me and my SO went to our local supermarket picked out a cart full of food and proceeded to the self-checkout. After I scanned everything and she bagged we left and as I got to the car I heard someone yelling, sir, sir!
I didn't even think to turn around. We got in the car and left. Early that morning I woke up with a feeling that something was terribly wrong and went through my day in my mind trying to figure out what it was.
Figured out I forgot to pay at the self-checkout when I could not find the receipt. I called the store first thing in the morning and told them what happened and that I would come in right after work and settle up.
I get there and I am met by security guards who escort me into the security office. They start playing the tape of me at the register and I'm thinking "So what, I told you I did it, let me pay." Then they played a video from 2 months earlier where I did the exact same thing.
They said I looked so embarrassed that they knew it was an accident. I paid both receipts, and I am no longer allowed to use self-checkout.
[deleted]
26. That’s Not Me!
I have a very generic name which happens to be on a watchlist. I travel internationally a bit for work.
Over a 2 year period, I got pulled into a secondary screening at customs at least a dozen times, for about 30 to 45 minutes each, just to have the officer say, "Okay this isn't you. You can go". After a while, I just said screw it and paid for Global Entry.
mesohungie
27. Differences
I travel a lot for work, and for 18 months after 9/11 whenever I flew I got searched Every. Single. Time. Upon check-in, they'd have me take my luggage to a special check-in where my luggage was x-rayed, and then I'd go through regular screening.
Then, just before I board the plane, they'd come up and say, "Excuse me Dr. ____, can you please come behind this screen". Where it would be me, and all the arab-looking guys on the flight (FWIW, I'm white).
Then they'd pat me down, and they'd have to run their hands inside my waistband. I felt so sorry for the arab-looking guys.
After a few times of this, I finally said "I know you're just doing your job... but why am I always being searched like this?". And the person said, "It's just random, Dr. _____".
Now, I'm a statistician, and I can tell you that the fact that a) this was happening on every single flight, and b) they always called me by name, meant it wasn't random.
Anyway, after 18 months it stopped just as suddenly as it had started. Who knows why?
sweetcherubim
28. Here We Go Again
"Fit the description". Got pulled over while on a (first) date and had my car ripped apart, and her pulled to the side and asked if she was ok and here of her own will -- after about ~20 minutes we were sent on our way.
Drive about a mile up the road, turn left, pass a cop and he throws his sirens on and does a U-turn… Now, I keep a Snickers in the glove box. I know I'm gonna be there for a while.
thatswhatshesaidxx
29. Not The Right Time For This
I left a friend's house to drive the 10-minute drive home. I didn't pee before I left, cause "just 10 minutes". I got pulled over for a broken headlight less than a half mile before I got on the freeway. That guy let me go quickly with no issue.
I got on the freeway and before I even left the on-ramp I was pulled over again by a different jurisdiction. I laughed as he walked up to my car due to the absurdity of it. He was really nice, but holy crap did I have to pee.
I started crying because I was about to pee myself. I couldn't even make it home, so I had to stop at a gas station to use the bathroom. I couldn't even stand up straight, so I had to hobble to the bathroom while still crying. I swear I looked like a battered woman.
souponastick
30. Not Mine
A terribly derpy woman keeps giving out my email address as her own, as my email is also her first and last name. Usually, it's just annoying - I've received her cable bill, PTA group emails, plane tickets, etc.
Until...I visited my parents a few weeks ago. They picked me up from the station and were weirdly quiet. I got home and my mom said, "Some stuff came in the mail for you... "
There, on the kitchen table, addressed to me, were baby gift packages - "We hear you're expecting, have free samples!" packages. "Congratulations on your new baby!" packages.
I was super confused and cracking up while opening them. Then, "floppyturtle... um... is there something you want to tell us?" My parents were completely convinced I was pregnant. Completely, as in it took some serious effort to change their minds.
Turns out Derpy just popped out a new baby. I know this because her insurance company emailed me about adding the baby to her plan. Thanks, Derpy.
floppyturtle
31. Never Again
I crashed my motorbike and injured myself pretty badly, again. A badly broken wrist that required surgery, and something was up with my ribs as well because it hurt to breathe/cough for the last two weeks.
And my elbow above the broken wrist has bruising, hurts to bend, and I get weird pains in the bicep. I'm not sure if this last part is from weight lifting, the same crash, another crash, or a previous shoulder reconstruction due to injuries sustained in another crash.
This happened a bit over two weeks ago now. I have just started physio on my wrist. It's really stiff and hurts to bend. I don't want to crash anymore, and I don't want to stop riding. I'm a motocross racer.
[deleted]
32. Learning First Aid Until Next Time
Not being able to administer first aid. I was out hunting when I was younger and a family friend tripped and his knife went through the sheath and into his leg. He was freaking the hell out and I had no idea what to do.
Luckily, we have a system where if we shoot 3 shots rapidly, anybody back at the house will immediately jump on a quad and find us.
I had to just sit there trying to imagine what to do while this guy was in shock until my uncle showed up 5 minutes later. The feeling of inability was an immense weight.
I now hold 3 different Red Cross certifications, currently completing my 4th, and hoping to take EMS classes shortly. I have dedicated a good amount of my free time ensuring I will be able to administer aid when needed.
Miataguy94
33. Going Back To You
Talked with a guy who was out hiking. The trail he was on had kind of a horseshoe shape around a small valley. Fairly early on he comes across a mountain cat who charged, so he emptied out his bear spray on it. The cat retreats into the valley and he continues on his way.
Of course, when he gets to the other side of the valley, a fairly pissed-off cat finds him again. Out of spray, he ends up just yelling at it and throwing rocks to scare it off as he retreats... back to the other side of the valley. Guess who he saw on that side?
oozles
34. Slight Inconveniences
Every time I try to pay child support on the automated web address, it tells me that my username or password isn't valid. I then remembered that I had to use Internet Explorer or the system won't recognize my information.
My work computer won't allow Explorer because my IT guy hates it, on account that it really sucks. What should be a simple transaction turns into a quest for a shitty browser.
TractorGeek
35. Losing Everything Twice
In October 2014, my house caught fire in the middle of the night. Everything was a total loss. Thankfully my wife, 2 kids, dog and I all made it out safely.
We took shelter in an apartment over a family member's garage. We started the rebuilding process and started to get back into our normal lives.
On April 13, 2015, we were at the construction site working on the new house finishing flooring and trim work, two months away from moving back into our original location.
We got a call about a garage fire on the street where we were temporarily living. I did not even think it possible, so ignored the calls until a family member called to report it was in fact the garage we were temporarily occupying.
It was unfathomable to me that in 6 months time we lost everything twice. This time though we lost our beloved dog. Needless to say, the kids took it very badly and we spent months trying to get stable again.
srd534
36. Making Sure I Did It Perfectly
In high school, I backed out of my driveway and hit the bumper of my mom's car, denting it.
I got such a ration of crap for that, I felt totally humiliated and was scolded on the importance of looking behind you when you go in reverse.
Later that day... I backed into my mom's car again, this time hitting the other side of the bumper.
kevie3drinks
37. Back At It Again
My now ex-boyfriend invited me to a wedding early into our relationship. I found out that his ex-girlfriend, who I replaced, will be at said wedding. I get to the wedding, and of course, my assigned seat is directly across from her. The most awkward thing I've ever experienced.
Fast forward to my current boyfriend, who invites me to a wedding, and guess who sits DIRECTLY across from me? His ex-girlfriend. As soon as she sat down, that was my "og my god, not again" moment. Also, very very awkward. She made a point to make me feel extra excluded.
nothingtowear
38. Not Fun At All
The hot water tank in my second-story apartment blew up. I got a panicked call from my GF and ran home from work.
Spent hours cleaning up the mess while the plumber came to replace the tank. Every towel, blanket, and pillowcase we owned was used to make dams while I used a shop vac to suck up the water and drain it in the bathtub.
Around 6 pm my girlfriend had to leave, this was the same night as a Taylor Swift concert she was going to. I got everything mildly cleaned up, and put the towels, etc on the fence outside to dry.
I go inside to take a dump and sit down on the toilet... And the tank of the toilet breaks. Not fun.
Uglulyx
39. Ingenious Engineering
I used to drive a Ford Escort wagon. It was an ugly, light-green thing that wasn't worth its own weight in crap.
Whenever I went over a bump in that car, a little button in the back would perceive said bump to be a collision, therefore turning off my engine. To turn back on the engine, I had to push the button back down.
I live on the border of Upstate New York and Pennsylvania, and if you have an idea of how awful the maintenance on the pavement is, as well as the amount of dirt roads, you can see where this is going.
On the way to my local Walmart, there's this bump right before a traffic light, and I'd hit that every time. On the way to college, there was a bump in the middle of the highway that'd trigger the shutdown process EVERY. TIME.
What kills me is that the one time when I was actually crashed into by another vehicle, it never triggered. Piece of crap.
El_Proctopus
40. Deja Vu
Halloween 2005 at my parents' house - Roman candle bounces off a rock and lands in a dry bush, erupts into 15 flames in under a minute. The fire department is summoned.
Halloween 2006, at my parents' house (friends were already there waiting for me) - driving home about 20 seconds from my house and saw a huge plume of black smoke...sure enough, Roman candle again, but this time it was a collection of shrubs and we now have a 15-foot wide collection of bushes up in flames.
The fire department is summoned again..." I think we responded to a call on this street last year". That was the last Halloween we had at my parents’ house.
shuster28
41. Sanity Is More Important
I used to work at a small town grocery store because I needed the money and it was literally within walking distance of where I lived. Unfortunately, I was about the only employee, period, who took their job seriously, including the managers.
Most of my coworkers would call out sick periodically and 95% of the time they weren't (most of the time they'd even outright admit to it when the manager wasn't around).
Me apparently being the only reliable employee, I would get called in to work their shift for them. It got to the point that literally every other day off I had I got called into work.
I started subconsciously flinching every time my phone rang. To top it off the manager who kept track of that more or less passively threatened my job if I refused to come in.
She got mad at the one other employee who took the job seriously for refusing to come in on a few of her days off(she had legitimate reasons for refusing too) and fired her simply for that.
After I got a better job I was all too happy to finally quit that place. I seriously had to hold back the urge to flip them off as I walked out the door the last time.
Capt-Buzzkillington
42. Go Away!
Knee tumor. The first time was pretty chill, and not really intrusive, but I didn't really like stairs. So I go get that crap cut out after 8 months, do the 3 months of physio, move on.
Two years to the month after I noticed symptoms for the first time, what did I get? Tumor symptoms, same knee. Gotta wait 3 months for an MRI though, and this time the symptoms are more aggressive.
[deleted]
43. Stop With This Nonsense
My ex-wife takes me to court several times a year. This is even though I started paying her support the minute she moved out before a court order, and have never once missed a payment to her.
We have never actually made it into a courtroom, she just likes to make me jump through hoops and fill out paperwork, and she always drops her complaint just before our court date. My fault for living in California as a man.
darthvadersnipples
44. Tired Of It
My mom passed about 10 years ago. My eldest brother passed 4 years later. My sister passed 3 years after that. My father passed 2 years after that.
I have one brother left. It's about 2 years since my dad passed, and now my last brother is close, his liver is failing and he refuses to see what he's doing.
Branciforte
45. Need To Be More Careful
I am diabetic. 5-6 years ago I was having a hard time controlling my blood sugar levels and kept slipping into hypos. It happened a number of times at work where I'd be unresponsive and generally in a world of my own.
When I 'came around', I had the paramedics treating me (i.e. taking blood sugar tests, and giving me fast-acting sugar boosts via injections). This was happening in the office I work in, in front of everyone.
It was actually quite embarrassing because my personality at work is aloof. It was definitely a “Hell, not again' moment for me.
Elusive_Zergling