LGBTQ+ Community
Bennett Kaspar-Williams grew up in Los Angeles, California. In his early 20's, he realized he was trans. That was almost 10 years ago. Ever since then, he had been proud to be a part of the LGBTQ+ community.
Three years after making this realization, Bennet began his transition process. It was right after something amazing happened in his life. It made him see the worth of being who he wanted to be.
Perfect Couple
Bennett had already met his now-husband when he decided to start the process. They were madly in love and got married in 2019. Although the process was hard, Bennet felt comfortable becoming who he truly wanted to be.
Bennett dreamt of starting his own family with Malik. He knew that Malik was the person he was meant to be with, he knew Malik would support him no matter what. That was why he felt so ready to start the process. Nothing would stand in Bennett's way.
Liberating Experience
Bennett was on hormone treatment for two years when he decided to get surgery to have his breasts removed. After having them removed, he realized how much he loved not having them anymore. Having them removed felt liberating, he didn't regret it for even a second.
Bennett felt that it was something he had to do, he felt free as soon as he started the process. He found the love of his life and he found himself.
Happier Than Ever
Bennett never hated his female body parts. He had no dysphoria about his body parts, and to this day, he still doesn't. But that didn't stop him from feeling relieved after having them removed.
He felt like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. The breast removal was the only surgery Bennett wanted to get when it came to his transition.
Ready For A Family
Bennett and Malik decided that it was the perfect time to start a family. They discussed their multiple options before deciding that it was best to take the natural route. Because of this, Bennett had to stop taking his testosterone medication. Eventually, his ovaries were able to function normally and they were able to start trying for a baby.
But the decision to carry the baby and to give birth wasn't as straightforward as Bennet had hoped. He had to teach himself to separate the function of his body from gender notions.
Easy Process
According to Bennett, the process of conceiving and being pregnant did not harm his gender identification. The only thing he disliked about the process was that medical professionals would often assume his gender.
Bennett started thinking of his body as a tool, instead of a collection of gendered stereotypes. This made it easier for him to be the person he wanted to be and to bring his child into the world.
Difficulties
Since Bennett decided to have the child naturally, it was up to his body to develop and care for the baby. He knew that no one knew if they could have a child until they tried to have a child.
Having a uterus does not necessarily mean that you are able to carry a child full-term. He always said that none of these things are universally true.
Pandemic Stress
Bennett fell pregnant in March of 2020. The only change he made was coming off of his hormone treatment. He expected it to take longer, but it all happened a lot faster than expected.
Bennett and his husband couldn't wait to welcome their baby into the family. But in 2020, the world was overcome by the virus and the pandemic. This made Bennett anxious for both his own and the baby's safety.
Welcoming Hudson
Bennett learned of his pregnancy just a week before lockdown started. Because of this, he was extremely nervous. In October of 2020, Bennett and Malik welcomed their brand new baby boy, Hudson, into the world via cesarean section. They were happy and relieved to finally have their baby boy with them.
While Bennett was in the hospital, he constantly got misgendered, despite having a beard and a flat chest. Nurses and doctors couldn't be bothered.
Feeling Dysphoric
This experience made Bennett feel dysphoric about his pregnancy. He had 'male' marked on all of his paperwork, and despite this, medical staff still referred to him as 'mom' or 'ma'am'.
He grew more and more dysphoric about his identity because of this. It was starting to take a toll on the hard work and mental work he had done in preparation for his pregnancy.
Nothing Felt Feminine
Bennet says nothing about being pregnant felt ‘feminine’ to him, in fact, carrying a child, isolated due to the pandemic and facing all the hospitals and appointments alone was the absolute toughest, bravest thing he has ever done.
Nothing feels stronger than being able to say ‘I am a dad who created my own child.’ That carries strength and depth in itself.
The Meaning of Womanhood And Motherhood
No one can ever really know whether having a child is possible until you try, these are words Bennett told himself during his process of giving birth and that it is very important that we stop defining ‘womanhood’ in terms of ‘motherhood’, because it’s a false equivalency that all women can become mothers that all mothers carry their children, or that all people who carry children are mothers.
Bennett basically redefined the norm of what motherhood means and how there is no connection between womanhood and motherhood.
Concept of Motherhood
Bennett says the business pregnancy and he reiterates his stance about it being a business because the entire institution of pregnancy care in America is centered around selling this concept of ‘motherhood’ being intertwined with a gender that makes it hard to escape being misgendered.
Bennett’s experience with the medical staff misgendering him is what made him speak out against the prejudice most Trans people receive on a daily basis, not only from medical staff but from people in general.
Best Thing About Fatherhood
Bennett says the best thing about being a dad is seeing Hudson share his new discoveries daily. ‘It is beautiful to see how unclouded children are by prejudice when he discovers he can do something new, he runs over to me shouting ‘Dada!’, that is my best moment’.
Bennett also adds ‘Children are these amazing beings that don’t see the world with the same bias and preconceptions that adults do’.
To My Son
‘To my son, there is nothing more natural than having a Dada and a Papa, and when he is old enough, he will come to know that his Dada was the one who carried him and took care of him, so he could come into this world.
Children see love, patience, and commitment, my son will no doubt accept that he came from me, just as he accepts all the other love and beauty around him, with open arms. Those are the words of a Dada hoping only for the best for his son.