Always Watching
She sat there watching her daughter Evie rehearsing for her dance recital. She couldn’t help but feel herself swell with pride as she watched her daughter. Taking a break, Evie walked towards her mother before stopping dead in her tracks.
Her mother looked at her for a moment. Evie was frozen mid-step, her face pale, eyes wide. She asked her what was wrong but all the Evie could manage was raising her arm and pointing out of the window. When her mom looked she saw a young girls peering through the window.
Missing Piece
Hailing from Saratoga Springs, Utah, 38-year-old Gina Crotts had assumed that the hardest life decision she had ever made was something of the past. She was married to a wonderful man named Brandon and together they had two sons and a daughter.
However, despite the fact that she had married the love of her life and absolutely adored her children, Gina knew that she was incomplete. An important part of her and her past was missing. Now suddenly it stood before her in the form of Kalyn.
A Choice Was Made
For 18 years Gina had been reassuring herself that the choice she made was the right one and she had to accept things as they are. However, regret and guilt are powerful emotions that frequently pushed their way to the surface.
She always pushed down these emotions but she always knew that they would resurface eventually. These emotions are too powerful to silence them forever. However, she was afraid of her own family’s reaction if she told them the truth.
Testing Positive
Gina could never forget the moment that both shaped her life and shattered her world forever. She had been showing some symptoms so she went to a drugstore and picked up a few tests before going home to take them.
“The double red lines on my pregnancy test kept presenting itself, in my mind, like flashing neon lights. Positive.Positive. Positive. That $6.99 plastic stick read everything about me, my past, my future, and who I would be labeled as for the rest of my life,” Gina wrote.
All By Herself
At the time, Gina herself was only 19 years old. She knew that she wasn’t ready for something like this as she was still a child herself. She kept repeating “I’m fine. I can do this. It’s ok. I’ll be ok.”
She ran herself a bubble bath in an attempt to calm herself as she thought about everything that had led to this point. The one thought that kept occupying her mind, however, was the choice she was face and which choice she would make.
Heartbroken
After a lot of thought and soul searching, Gina decided to carry the baby to term and then give her up for adoption. It was an incredibly difficult decision but it was the best option, right? Gina struggled with the decision every day.
“It was really hard… the whole pregnancy leading up to that one moment of delivery that’s supposed to be joyous, bringing life into the world… “ Gina said. “It was a mix of grief and happiness… but knowing what was coming after, a lot of heartache.”
Little Butterfly
“She spent a night with me and my family in my parents’ home before placing her the next day,” Gina recalls. It wasn’t much but it was more than most mothers who give their babies up for adoption get.
“Having time with her outside of the hospital helped a lot.” When it finally came time to give her up Gina did so with a heavy heart. She wrote a poem called ‘My little butterfly,’ for Kalyn and it became a symbol the sacrifice Gina had made.
Trying To Move On
Gina took solace in the fact that Kalyn had been adopted by a good family. They were very loving and would give Kalyn everything she deserved, everything that Gina couldn’t at that time. It still didn’t make it better.
Once Gina had moved out of her parents’ home she started working but was struggling to get by. However, Gina would never forget about Kalyn. She moved on, working hard, trying to keep her mind on other things but she had no idea what lay ahead.
Love
In time she met a man named Brandon. After a whirlwind romance the two were soon married. In time they had three children of their own, two sons and a daughter. When she had her daughter Evie, Gina hoped things would change.
However, despite what Gina hoped, having a daughter did not put her mind to rest about what had happened all those years ago. However, Evie simply acted as a reminder of that painful choice all those years ago. And it was Evie who recognized the girl outside.
Through The Glass
While Gina was watching Evie, now 13 years old, practice her rehearsal at her dance class, someone was watching from the window behind her.
Evie finished and rushed to her doting mother, but stopped abruptly when she saw the girl staring at her through the window. Gina turned around and couldn’t believe her eyes.
Locking Eyes
In disbelief, Gina locked eyes with the daughter she had last seen 17 years ago. Kalyn recognized her mother immediately. Surely fate had brought them together again?
Gina wrote: “I was sitting with my back to the window, I turned back and that single wall and six feet were all that was between us.” But would Kalyn want to see her?
Hesitation
“I was shocked at first, then a second later full of sheer excitement, then hesitation in case she didn’t want to see me,” Gina wrote.
“I stopped at the door, I didn’t want to walk out and see her walking away because she wasn’t ready. Her adoptive dad gave her a choice, I didn’t want to confuse her and needed to be sure it was what she wanted.”
Fork In The Road
With her heart beating a mile-a-minute, Gina waited, even though the waiting was killing her. She had to know. She took a deep breath and stepped outside. Would Kalyn still be there?
“I could have run out there in a heartbeat, but I was cautious for her feelings,” she explained. “When I opened the door, she was standing in front of me.”
A Question
“The first thing I asked her was, ‘Are you happy?’ she said ‘Yes’ and we were hugging, I had to pull away because I wanted to look at her,” Gina continued.
“We couldn’t help but stare at each other, as we talked for longer, we would just look at each other and laugh. It really is wild to think about the odds and was such a great moment for me, I feel very fortunate.”
She Knew Her Sister
But how had Evie recognized her half-sister if she had never met her? Well, Kalyn’s adoptive parents had been kind enough to send Gina updates. Every year, they would send a photograph.
Gina said: “I would receive a letter and a few pictures every year, I was given quite a bit of detail on how she was doing, how her life was going and more. I got to know a little of how happy she was, her hobbies and seeing the pictures helped to settle my heart.”
Open And Honest
Gina had never wanted to keep her children in the dark about their sister. In fact, Evie even kept a photograph of Kalyn in her room.
Gina said: “It was our decision not to surprise our children with their big secret sister and for them to know everything about her. Kalyn was a part of our lives before meeting again, she wasn’t there but it always felt like she was with us.”
Bonding
After the chance encounter at Evie’s dance class, Gina and Kalyn exchanged numbers. The pair then bonded over text messages. Gina felt like she was getting to know her daughter all over again.
“We are very fortunate it played out in this way, I’m very aware most birth moms don’t get this experience and I’m very fortunate for how my story ended up,” Gina said happily. “Placing her for adoption didn’t mean I forgot about her but pushed me to be a better person, I wanted to be someone she would be proud to meet someday.
Kalyn’s Thoughts
“I’m pretty overwhelmed but just excited to see where the relationship goes from here,” Gina added. But just what does her daughter, Kalyn, think?
Kalyn, a senior in high school, said: “When I first met everyone, walking into the door I felt wrapped in so much love. Here were all these people who had been loving me for 18 years, and I was just meeting them.”
‘Angel Gina’
Kalyn had grown up knowing about ‘Angel Gina.’ She kept a binder filled with letters from Gina and her family and even had a framed picture of her biological mom.
She had always longed to meet her — but she never imagined that it would happen like this. But what had drawn Kalyn to that dance-class window on that fateful day?
Fateful Encounter
Kalyn had taken ballet classes in her younger years and had remained fascinated by ballet. Naturally, she was drawn to the window, where she could see dancers performing. She recalls wishing that the girl obstructing her view would move out the way.
Little did she know that was her biological half-sister chatting to her birth-mother, who she would meet moments later. Gina wrote a book about her incredible story, titled: “A Seemingly Unfillable Heart.”