Military Dummies Who Should Have Never Graduated

Military men sometimes get a bad rap for not being the most intelligent individuals. But the next set of stories really doesn’t help their image.

They may or may not be dumb, but they can do some really questionable things.

From military soldiers thinking that the capital of North Korea is Bogota to another having a strange love for dolphins, here are some of the worst examples of military stupidity. All courtesy of Reddit.


Use Your Noodle

A fireman I knew named Akas was making noodles on deployment. He asked where to get the hot water, and someone pointed him at the coffee maker, which had one of those red spigots on the side. I couldn’t believe what he did next. Instead of using the hot tap, Akas opened his noodles and dumped them into the coffee maker, where the grounds go, and replaced the coffee urn with his empty noodle bowl.

The coffee tasted like noodles for the rest of the deployment. People would typically stop him from doing stuff like this, but we were like six months into deployment at this point, and he was our only source of entertainment. In fact, I have about a dozen Akas stories. He is literally the dumbest person I’ve ever met, and I spent a lot of time wondering how he was still alive.

Once, I had to physically restrain Akas from dumping an entire bottle of hand soap (the small pump bottle you find next to sinks) into a washing machine because, and I quote, “it’s all soap, bro, it doesn’t matter”! This was after I told him he couldn’t use my detergent and after I later caught him trying to pilfer some of my detergents.

Akas worked in front of the boiler and, as a result, was often dirty. After doing a random bunk inspection, our superior found Akas’s white pillowcase to be jet black on the underside. When asked if he was showering, Akas’ reply was truly deranged. He replied in front of God and everyone else: “Yes, I wash my hands every night before I go to bed.”

You could hear a pin drop because there were like ten of us in the room who were all acting like we weren’t listening. It turns out he hadn’t showered in weeks and thought washing his hands was enough to clean himself after working in front of a boiler all day. After waking up, he would just flip his pillow over to the white side for inspection.

He wasn’t lazy. He literally thought washing your hands was synonymous with showering. We also all learned a few simple magic tricks because Akas had the object permanence of a three-week-old kitten. My favorite was when my friend unwrapped a candy bar and then arranged the empty wrapper like the bar was still inside. He showed the (obviously empty) candy bar wrapper to Akas and told him it was a brand-new bar.

Then my friend put the bar in his pocket and slapped it flat before taking out the empty, flattened wrapper and telling Akas he pushed the bar through his stomach wall to eat it. Let’s just say it wasn’t hard to amaze this kid.

But Akas wasn’t the last person to make a fool out of themselves to their squad. This next officer would have been really shocked if his colleagues didn’t stop her.



Don’t Bare Your Sole

I’ve met officers not lacking in basic competencies, just common sense. We had a water leak at the Naval Medical Center, and the department head kicked off her shoes so they wouldn’t get wet. There was a huge problem with his. 

Part of the ceiling in the space had collapsed, and the computer tower was sitting on the floor in the puddle along with her feet. It and the outlet were throwing sparks, and you could see the blue light of arcing electricity inside the tower.

She didn’t stop working until a superior got there to point it out. You could FEEL the electricity in that room.

But at least the officer didn’t hurt herself. This next recruit couldn’t even make it through inspection without half of the company bursting into fits of laughter.



Cogito Ergo Sum

We had a guy we called “Domestic Pepsi,” thanks to his surname. He was dumber than a bag of hammers. One day, we had a big inspection. Company commander inspecting. The commander eventually made his way to Domestic Pepsi and started asking questions about general Marine Corps knowledge.

“This recruit does not know, sir”! “This recruit does not know, sir”! “Sir, this recruit doesn’t know”! Finally, our commander asked him, “Son, you don’t even know if you’re alive, do you”? There was THE LONGEST PAUSE following the question, then a small, quiet, and incredibly confused voice replied, “Sir, this recruit does know that he’s alive, sir.”

It’s like he actually had to think about it. In his small and intimidated head, he was probably going through all seven of the facts he knew and seriously asked himself, “Am I alive”? The whole squad bay of hardened, nearly graduated Marine recruits AND our drill instructors all burst into laughter. How he actually graduated, I have no idea.

Going through boot camp can be a grueling endeavor. It requires a lot of dedication. But what about when you pass basic training but aren’t actually qualified for anything?



Lower Those Expectations

We had one guy in my basic training platoon that was a walking safety hazard. Among other things, he managed to fall out of a first-floor window and got the squad’s packs stolen during an exercise because he fell asleep watching them. 

He also fired on full auto into the camp (with training rounds, luckily) because “he thought he saw a wild pig rifling through our stuff .”Finally, to cap it all off, put a live round between the drill instructor’s feet at the firing range.

He passed basic with the rest of us (the only guy that failed, failed because he deserted halfway through), although he did get a mark in his file that he was unsuited for any rank with any kind of responsibility.

Sometimes stupidity isn’t always shown in actions but also sometimes in words. This next Air Force cadet really got his capital cities mixed up. 



Play Stupid Games, Win Stupid Prizes

I had a kid at my first squadron in the Air Force who was quite possibly one of the dumbest, least self-aware people I’ve ever met. This kid either couldn’t or wouldn’t retain basic information, which was problematic given that he was in the Intelligence career field. At one point, he was presenting a briefing about North Korea. I still can’t believe what came out of his mouth.

He claimed with a straight face that the capital city of North Korea was Bogota. For people keeping score, Bogota is the capital of Colombia. He tried very hard to project a redneck persona, and as part of this, bought a massive bright red lifted truck with obnoxious “REDNECK” decal work. Anyone with half a brain could tell you he was struggling to pay for it on his measly barracks rat pay.

I thought the presentation was his dumbest moment—but the worst was yet to come. Eventually, he decided he didn’t want to pay for the truck anymore, so he drove it into a lake one night and filed an insurance claim, then used the money to immediately buy a different vehicle. This was quickly uncovered by the authorities, and he was kicked out of the Air Force.

To this day, I have no earthly idea who thought this kid belonged in intelligence or how he got through intel school.

You’d expect most marines that qualify to have to be some of the best and the brightest. Well, apparently, some don’t even know how to properly wash their own clothing.



Remedial Geography

There was this super nasty dude in our platoon who smelled terrible, and the squad leader figured out it was because he “washed” his clothes by putting them in the freezer overnight. He also got busted malingering by purposely not hydrating in the desert heat, passing out, and having to get IVs from the medics. He did it to get out of work.

Eventually, they did a home health and wellness check (off base) and found 12 dogs living in his two-bedroom apartment and the floor thick as carpet with dog poop. Y’all, he was in INTELLIGENCE.

One day he got the courage to approach me from around a sand dune and asked where I was from. I said, “Iowa .”He said, “Isn’t that in Nebraska”?

How on earth would a marine get through a mental stability check if he thought that he was a cat? Well, it seemed that wasn’t everything about him that was strange.



Telling Tall Tales

This one dude was a really special case. 100% a Gomer Pyle-type of situation. Only a few peanuts were rattling around the can. He got to us right around the same time as “What Does the Fox Say”? It was a big deal. He considered it his favorite song and sang it nearly constantly. But that’s not the weirdest part. He honestly to God thought he was a cat and would lick himself/randomly meow at us.

The dude was white as can be, but every other week he’d be “repping” a different gang, typically one that doesn’t recruit white folk. His favorite was Latin Kings—I think he just liked yellow. We’d catch him staring at walls and stuff, completely zoned out. We got orders to deploy, and nobody wanted him with us, but sadly he came along.

As soon as we got back, he was chaptered for mental instability. A few of my guys are still Facebook friends with him, and according to him, he was basically John Rambo himself overseas, single-handedly clearing buildings and stuff. I assure you, he was not.

But what about basic hygiene? Surely that’s something that most soldiers adhere to? Well, this one thought that his deodorant would be good enough.



Don’t Sweat It

On the first night of actual basic Training, we’re all showering and getting ready for bed. I noticed a guy in the bunk across from me had already changed into his sleeping clothes. 

This was strange because everyone else was preparing to shower, brush their teeth, and only then put on their sleepwear. Then I made the mistake of asking.

I asked him if he was going to shower, and he said, “No, I put on 48-hour deodorant”. The entire bay erupted into laughter, and for the rest of basic, my guy’s name was Private 48.

Speaking of basic hygiene, there was one soldier that noticed something about his superior officer. Let’s just say that he had a major itch.



He Had a Major Itch

I worked with a US Air Force Major long ago who’d been in grade for eons because he couldn’t give a briefing without scratching his, ahem, nether regions. 

Only the time he’d spent in Vietnam was keeping him in the service. Otherwise, he was mostly for show and didn’t actually do much.

Eventually, he went on an orientation tour of a Minuteman site and fell into a hole. When he got out of the hospital, they retired him.

It seems that basic hygiene isn’t as common as you’d think among recruits. Maybe they should make a hygiene evaluation before someone’s accepted into the army. 



Putting the Basics in Basic Training

We had a guy who wasn’t showering, so we just four-man carried him into the shower and squirted soap from the bottle, and used long-handled brushes on him like a dog. We did this every night until he realized it was easier to do it himself. 

We weren’t being cruel, rough, or brutal about it. He just needed to be jarred out of whatever state of acquiescence he’d been raised with. 

We didn’t want to judge him for something he likely just wasn’t taught as a kid growing up. Who knows what community he lived in?

Parents don’t always teach their children important things like bathing. Maybe they didn’t even bathe themselves?



Here, My Deer

There was an entire week where we had to keep everyone from sneaking out of the barracks with an excessive number of physical training belts. Later, we found out the bizarre reason why. 

Somehow, a rumor started that if you could put your belt on a deer, you’d be exempt from physical training. Who knows what caused them, but he was adamant.

By some sick twist of fate, a deer actually ran through our morning formation, like, through it, and it was just a hailstorm of belts at the poor thing.

What do you do when it seems that you clearly aren’t fit for the army? You cook, apparently.



If You Can’t Do, Cook

At one of my duty stations, there was a girl who wasn’t all there. Everyone could see it.

One day, out of the blue, she decides to take the three-wheel bike (the one with the large basket in between the two rear tires) and go for a spin. 

She hit a fence post, a parked car, and a dumpster, all within 30 feet of her starting position. She eventually went to cooking school.

Sometimes stupidity in the military means that an individual can pose a danger to him or herself. Here’s a perfect example.



Spinning Out

Sergeant Stubby. On aircraft, we have these things called vane axial fans. Think of a big, DC-powered fan with blades that are about two millimeters thick. 

These things usually have tubular housing for air channeling reasons and spin so fast they are near invisible. For whatever reason, Stubby decided to check if it was spinning—and he did it in the dumbest way possible.

He stuck his hand down the back side of one of these things and stuck a finger in. The end result was a clean severance at the first knuckle. I watched this same guy fall asleep on the wing of an Apache while trying to install a clamp on a drain line and roll forward off the wing. He hit the rack on the way down, which broke his fall—and his arm.

What happens when you not only don’t shower after getting back in 100-degree desert weather and also don’t pass any of the physical tests? You don’t become a soldier.



Two for One

One of my guys never passed a physical training test, not once. Not in basic, not in the “real” army. Never. 

Still, we needed the personnel, and we knew he wouldn’t pass, so we stopped testing him. The same guy wouldn’t shower. 

He spent two weeks in a 100-degree desert, and he didn’t shower when we got back. It was unbearable.

Most people know how to dress properly. That is until you meet someone from your company that can’t even wear the right shoes for his feet.



Ignorance Is Bliss

This guy I knew was a career specialist. If I remember correctly, he was eight years in when I met him. He was horrible at coping with stressors. He came in one day and had a gray undershirt on his back when they were supposed to be brown. I asked him if he was wearing the proper shirt underneath his top, to which he excitedly declared, “Of course not”!

At that point, I told him to look down, which he did. Then in the span of about two seconds, he grabs both sides of his collar, zips his hands and collars tight across his neck, and then without a word, runs full speed for the door. He clips the door frame and eats it outside and then disappears for about an hour and shows back up with a brown shirt and no recollection of anything ever happening. But it didn’t stop there.

About three weeks later, he shows up to work, and during morning uniform inspection, I get to him and notice he is wearing two left boots. He didn’t even notice he had two left boots. Fast forward a couple more weeks, and I’m walking with him out to a helicopter, and he is carrying a torque wrench. Evidently, his hand stops working like a normal hand, and this torque wrench slips right out of his fingers, hits his boot, and gets punted about 40 feet down the flight line.

These are calibrated tools, so if they drop more than a foot, they are supposed to get coded out and sent back for re-cal. He just walks happily behind it, looks at me, and stares at me while he picks the wrench up and then starts sauntering back out towards the aircraft. I call him on it, and he is straight-up bewildered that he would be told to go get a new torque wrench.

We just spoke about wearing the wrong clothing, but this next soldier did something even worse. He kept losing his uniform all the time.



Lost, Not Found

We had a guy who just kept losing stuff. He showed up to morning formation in a downpour without his rain jacket and, when asked, just spouted, “I LOST IT, MASTER CORPORAL .”He all had to go the day without a rain jacket. Another time he had gotten called to speak with a board of officers to see if he should stay or not, and as per the standard, he had lost his beret and needed to borrow one.

I, being sympathetic, lent him mine and, by the end of the day, had reported back to me that he had lost my beret. He was also a cheapskate. A few of us on our infantry course would carpool when we got weekend leave, and he never pitched in for gas. He got his comeuppance, though. One day, we just left him. He wasn’t super thrilled the next time we saw him.

When injured in boot camp, officers have to carry a stool. This would be for an obvious reason, right? Not to one officer.



Camp Stool of Shame

There was this 23- or 24-year-old guy trying to be an Officer. When you get injured at OCS (boot camp for officers), you have to walk around in tennis shoes, a glowing belt and have a camp stool slung over your shoulder. 

This guy was outside our drill formation watching us march and, I kid you not, sat down criss-cross applesauce on the deck with his campstool slung over his shoulder. He somehow did not realize that you could sit down on the camp stool.

The next night he woke up suddenly, smacked his face against the ceiling, and got sent home with a concussion.

Blatant lying in the military should get you thrown out, especially when you endanger your squad by driving without any idea how to do so.



The Wisdom of Andrew

We have this guy. Let’s call him Andrew. Andrew is a guy trying to become Military Police. Yay! See, everyone hates MPs, even MPs. Now, everyone knows that most MPs aren’t the brightest. It’s that job that a lot of people go into because they don’t want to be infantry or anyone that has to do a lot of rucking or thinking. This guy, though, was a special case.

The first couple weeks into basic Training, he had to have multiple people do his chores for him, making his bed, cleaning his gear, packing his bag for the day…tying his boots. The guy somehow gets through basic Training, even though his Drill Sergeants tried getting him kicked out for being dumb, and so did everyone else. The guy barely passes his tests and doesn’t even listen to what the Drill Sergeants’ say, and backtalks them all the time. So a bad soldier right there already.

I was in Korea when I first met this guy and instantly knew he was not the brightest bulb, as in the second I met him. I met him while I was on the road doing MP things before we went to the field. I was tasked with training him on road stuff, how to do traffic stops, calls, paperwork, etc. Well, during that time, I asked him if he had his license so he could drive for a little while.

He said yes, so I let him drive. He gets into the driver’s seat and says, “This is cool. I feel like a cop”. The first red flag was right there, but I didn’t see it. He starts to drive, and the second red flag goes up when he hits the accelerator, then the brake in quick succession, causing us to jolt a little in the car. I asked if he knew how to drive, and he said yeah.

He drives for about 30 minutes before he lets me drive again. By this point, it was almost the end of the day, and I got called to do transport. I had paperwork to do, so I asked Andrew if he was up to doing transport. He said yup and went on his way after I told him where to go. As I finished up the paperwork, everyone got back, and one of my favorite Sergeants called me outside to talk for a bit.

She asked me if I was tracking that Andrew didn’t have his license. I stared at her with wide eyes and told her what he had said to me. It got so much worse. She tells me she believes me but that he almost caused an accident by cutting in front of her. He tells me not to let him drive again, and we go on our way. But that wasn’t the end of it.

Military soldiers need good coordination. So when they don’t have that kind of balance, everyone normally laughs.



Special Maneuvers

At one base I lived on with my parents, there was a military policeman on guard duty at the main entrance. Usually, getting on base is pretty straightforward. Exchanging salutes, sirs/ma’ams, scanning ids, fingerprints. All that jazz.

We get up to the gate, the guard throws the salute, and the usual spiel begins. The chaos breaks loose. All in one go, the guard goes to lean down, missteps off the curb of the hut, and like a bird against a window in a cartoon, slides down the side of the car. At the time, I was maybe eight or nine, and I tried my hardest to keep quiet, but I lost it and started laughing because I saw the other guy in the hut losing his mind.

The guy gets up as nothing happens, and my dad just goes, “If you wanted to check under the car, we could’ve pulled into inspection .”We were the only ones at the gate but holy moly that is one of my best memories from that base.

A night off is a good opportunity to let off some steam while in the military. But drinking way too much alcohol isn’t acceptable.



Remember This?

My boyfriend is in the Air Force, and he did basic Training last year. A couple of months ago, during his course, some idiot he was stationed with disappeared during everyone’s night off. Most people had gone to drink and were back on time, but not him. My boyfriend was supposed to make sure everyone had gotten back, but he figured he just missed him and went to bed.

He hears an angry knock on his door at 4 am. It’s his superior yelling at him to get up. What they found was brutal. The guy was beyond inebriated. He even peed on some equipment that was lined up outside. When my boyfriend had to drag him to the Chief Warrant Officer, he could barely stand up.

While the dude was getting yelled at, he threw up. In his superior’s office. All over himself. Everyone got yelled at to just wash him and put him to bed. My boyfriend and his friends had to strip him shirtless, forcibly shower him (he was yelling and trying to fight everyone), forcibly dry him, forcibly put him in PJs, and forcibly put him to bed.

He woke up with a huge hangover without a single clue what had happened. He allegedly went very, very pale when he was told. Legend has it. He’s still catching up on extra duty.

Military personnel are obligated to take drug tests. But one kid clearly didn’t understand the assignment.



When You Gotta Go, You Gotta Go

On my first day of Navy boot camp, we got off the bus and ran into the building, all lining up in ranks. They gave us this speech about contraband etc. They gave us an opportunity to throw away any contraband we had at that moment. One of the kids in the back walked up and threw away something.

The Recruit Division Commander (RDC) yelled, “Recruit, recruit, get back up here, NOW .”The kid walked back up, and the RDC said, “What did you just put in here”? The kid mumbles something, and the RDC says, “Pick up what you just put in there and tell me what it is .”The kid picks up something and says, “It is a…personal pleasure device, officer”.

The RDCs lost it on that one. It gets better. During the in-processing phase, we all had to pee in a cup. If you got into the room and couldn’t go for any reason, then you were sent back out into a large room with your sweatshirt backward to signify you didn’t go. I didn’t have to go yet, so I walked around the room, stopping at every fountain to get a drink. We weren’t allowed to talk. Just walk and drink.

This same kid was walking just behind me with his sweatshirt backward and caught up to me. He said, “Dude, where is the RDC? I have to pee .”I told him not to talk to me and sped up. On the other side of the room, I decided I could go now, so I walked to the line, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw it. This kid is peeing in a trash can!

He ended up three spots behind me in line, and when he got into the room, the RDC asked him why his pants were wet. He said, “I couldn’t find an RDC, and I had to pee so bad I wet myself a little, so I peed into the trash can .”The look on that RDCs face was horrifying. They took him to another room, and I didn’t see him the rest of the day until we got to our in-processing barracks.

That kid was amazingly stupid, he got sent back three times in boot camp, but I heard he eventually graduated.

There’s no requirement to spell your own name to get into the military. But maybe there should be, according to this next recruit.



It Takes All Kinds

I had a soldier who couldn’t spell his own last name correctly and didn’t know what “lbs” or “ht” stood for on his personal record sheet. He also hated to shower because, in his words, “He’s just gonna get dirty again .”Hard worker, but not the brightest.

I had a kid in Basic whose father was the Israeli Ambassador to the United States. Service is a requirement in Israel, and he had the option to join the US Army instead. 

Every weekend his father had a car come pick him up and bring him off the post for whatever, even though the rest of us hadn’t seen our families since we shipped out.

When a recruit already has a rap sheet before they’ve been there a month, it’s usually a bad sign. But this recruit was on another level.



Major Mess

Me: Former Air Force officer and commander of a Security Forces squadron. We basically did law enforcement, flight-line security, and force protection. We got in a new troop out of basic training/tech school. I’ll call this one guy Snuffy. Snuffy was literally the only troop I ever encountered in my 20+ year career, which came to his first duty station with an Article 15 (a huge punishment code) already on his record.

That was unheard of in the Air Force; if you get in that kind of trouble in Basic or tech school, they usually just boot you. Like all first-term newbies, Snuffy has to spend a month at the base First Term Airman’s Center, where they basically teach the young folks about the base, dorm life, financial responsibility, etc. Here’s where the trouble began. Snuffy gets kicked out of the base after one week due to not showing up and tardiness.

At this point, we don’t know what to do with Snuffy. He’s a major mess. In our career field, you have to carry a firearm every day, and this kid is so stupid we can’t arm him. We are forced to relieve him of duty, meaning he goes into limbo where he can only do stuff like pick up trash, light administrative work, etc., while we try to take steps to see if he can still be administratively discharged since he’s been on Active Duty only briefly.

While he’s relieved of duty, he starts being “late” to work. This is a really big deal at this point because he basically works directly for my senior staff. This gets him in trouble, and I’m forced to consider having him punished for dereliction of duty. Snuffy continues to spiral out of control. He married a rather, uh, well, he married a local woman he had just met.

They move into base housing. He keeps getting in trouble (while his other issues are still working their way through the Staff Judge Advocate). For example, he sprays and paints his car with a rattle can, blowing spray paint all over his neighbor’s car. He keeps dogs locked in his garage and never cleans up their poop, breaking all kinds of housing requirements, etc.

This last recruit was pretty bad and clearly couldn’t look after himself. But at least he didn’t have a weird thing for dolphins.



The Delphinophile

Let’s call this guy George. He was in the 2009 Basic Training at Fort Jackson. Of course, everyone called him Gomer Pyle.

He was just not someone who should be a soldier. He sucked at push-ups and everything else. I was always messing up in our drills.

And then he said he loved dolphins and wanted to marry one.



Long Con

In Fort Gordon in 2009, I had a guy in our platoon who went to the hospital one day and complained of a heart murmur. He got put on a 90-day Dead Man Profile (no Physical Training of any kind whatsoever) and automatically granted off-base and civilian clothes privileges.

He was automatically pushed most of the way through Training because he didn’t have to take a physical training test like everyone else. That’s fine, except by God, he was so arrogant about it, so smug that he had pulled one over on our chain of command. That made it even more hilarious when I found out the truth about him. Over the next few months, he was there. He regularly got inebriated at barracks and off-post hotel parties.

Again, he’s supposed to have some sort of heart problem, but yet he’s drinking and underage at that because he was 19 or 20. How he made it all the way through Basic Training, I will never know. How he made it through more advanced Training, I will never know. How he made into, then out of, the active duty Army with a deployment under his belt, I will also never know.

Sometimes you really want some tea. But when a recruit named Daun wanted to try and make his tea, he made the wrong decision.



A Few Teabags Short of a Pot

There was this kid named Daun. He was a special boy. He was trying to figure out how to make hot water for his tea. I suggested using his MRE heater (with the beverage bag because of common sense). So he just filled up the heater bag with water, dropped the heater in, and set it aside to do its job. Then he started making tea with the water that was in direct contact with the heater.

I opted not to stop him because, at that point, I figured the only way he was going to learn anything was through experience. 

His squad leader stopped him. Another time, he had to re-shoot his firearm qualification. He needed a higher score to be able to participate in an upcoming event, so he got back later than most of us.

Our next recruit had a strange habit of ironing his clothing too much, falling asleep at the wheel, and leaving his weapons in foreign countries. What a combo to have.



He’s Not Losing Any Sleep Over It

One of my classmates had narcolepsy. He could fall asleep standing up, and he did. He also had a really bad stuttering problem. One night in our Field exercise, we were practicing using a radio. He couldn’t say Romeo and kept stuttering through it. We were trying not to be jerks, so we were trying our hardest not to laugh.

He had his mom send him several boxes of clothes to him, and on Saturdays, he would stand there ironing his clothes in his tan briefs with the door opened. I don’t even know where he got an ironing board from. 

I wasn’t with him at his first duty station, but I ended up at the same unit six months after he left the Army. During that time there, he totaled his car after falling asleep at the wheel and got a citation for leaving his weapon in Iraq.

Base housing needs to pass inspection every once in a while. But this next recruit was lucky that he wasn’t kicked out instantly.



Triple Whammy

I had a guy whose house was such a disgusting pigsty that the whole unit had to go clean it up for him due to him being in base housing. 

He let his dogs go to the bathroom all over his house and never picked it up. There were bottles full of pee in his closet—but that wasn’t the worst part. The cherry on top was that the genius sprinkled used rubbers around the house when he knew the unit was coming to be clean.

He is easily the biggest piece of garbage I have ever met and is now living extremely comfortably on disability welfare without lifting a finger for what are almost certainly completely fraudulent reasons.

You’d think disrespect would get you kicked out of the military instantly. But this one recruit got away with one too many confrontations.



No Fear

There was a guy who just lost the ability to care. One night he went into the sergeant’s room and put on the sergeant’s hoodie, and lay down on his bunk. 

He didn’t get caught with that one, but he was caught eating rations on multiple occasions when he wasn’t supposed to and would sometimes just sit down when we were in formation. Generally, he just did crazy, bold stuff all the time without caring whether he got caught. 

Then when he did get caught, he just stood there and took it like a true stoic. He said he’d been forced to join by family. 

I’m actually not sure if he made it, but that was the memory that stands out. I can only assume that he didn’t last in the military.


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