13. It Was Disgusting
Guy came in with severe abdominal pain; turned out he had painful hemorrhoids, which had led to him being too scared to take a dump for 1 MONTH.
He couldn’t tolerate any of the normal treatment (laxatives and enemas), so he ended up being taken to theatre, where I, the most junior member of the on-call surgical team, had to claw out this monstrosity of a turd with my fingers.
It was this dense mass about 4-5 inches wide that felt like hardened clay and smelled exactly how you might expect a ball of poop that’s been brewing for a month to smell like.
Took a good half hour before I managed to clean him out, all while the nurses tried to stand as far away as possible and my seniors pissed themselves laughing at my horrified expressions.