Terror In The Kitchen
He sat down at his mother-in-law’s dining room table. It had become a place associated with extreme pain and multiple hospital visits.
There were always stories of the new mom or dad that make other’s lives miserable, but this was something out of a bad movie or ridiculous cliché come to life.
Family Dinner
Jake (which we will call him that from now on), had accepted the obligatory and annoying weekend dinner at his mother-in-law’s home.
The woman loved to show off her cooking and would absolutely not let anyone else share the limelight, let alone the kitchen. Almost immediately, he had another problem.
So Much Pain
Massive migraines – the kind that creeps behind your eyes and then explodes across every nerve ending.
The kind you want to hide in bed and hope you don't have to throw up. Jake found himself incapacitated and unable to even do little things around the house. ER visits could also end up costing a fortune.
Causes Of Migraines
For anyone who is unfamiliar with this kind of agony, only needs to know one word … trigger.
It could be anything – stress, sun, extreme temperatures, etc. Whatever it is will bring on a migraine in varying severities, depending on the person. In Jake’s case, salt was the number one enemy.
Sunday Nightmares
Sunday after Sunday passed, and the iron-grip of the MIL kept the dinners going.
People politely ate whatever was put in front of them (as if they had a choice in the matter). Jake also started to notice a pattern. It would be ... arrive, eat, and then a migraine. It seemed the hostess was to blame.
Attempt At Compromise
The wife understood far too well and went to her mother to explain the issue.
She asked her mother to cut back on the salt for the sake of her husband’s health. The mom agreed, but with a very clear scowl that she wasn’t happy at all. They thought things were settled. Boy, were they wrong.
My Way Or Highway
It happened again the next meal – needles across the head and pounding within the skull.
When asked, the mother’s reaction was unbelievable. She simply said that the food didn’t taste good enough and she went back to her old ways. It was her kitchen and therefore her rules. So, what was the solution? Fight back.
One Chance
Months later, there was a birthday party, so people had to arrive early. Jake wandered around the house, drink in hand.
When he came into the kitchen and saw no one was there, he decided to act. He found the dreaded salt shaker and hid it in the pantry. He wasn’t finished.
Hide It Good
The main salt container also founds itself “lost” (well-hidden in another part of the kitchen).
He disappeared into the crowd of party-goers and secretly smiled when he heard a commotion coming from the kitchen. The entertainment of seeing his mother-in-law scream about salt was only the beginning of a satisfying fiasco.
OMG, Good!
When everyone sat down at the special dinner, the reaction was totally unexpected.
People usually ate politely, but not much left the plate. This time, everyone loved it. They complimented the mother on her creation, asking what was different. She yelled that her precious condiment was gone. The guests didn’t stop.
Best Food Ever
Every level of anger the mom went up, they matched it with the reassurance that the food was delicious and she should permanently cut back on the white stuff.
“No, it tastes horrible!” “No, really, it’s some of the best food you’ve ever cooked!” It had turned nearly comedic, not to mention incredibly satiating.
Just Take It
One side wanted her anger justified, and the other would not give it.
The battle had been won, but there was still the matter of the grand salt war. Still hearing grumbles and complaints, the husband and wife snuck into the kitchen and put every single one of the containers into their bags.
Now What Do We Do?
It felt like trying to leave a store after you stuffed your coat with things you haven’t paid for.
The two escaped the tense household with smiles and laughter. Once home, there was no question of how to take care of their stolen goods. They brought everything into their kitchen…
Where It Belonged
And threw them into the garbage can.
The next visit would go back to the mother-in-law’s normal cuisine (all she needed was a trip to the supermarket), but it was at least one day where Jake hadn’t come home with a huge migraine. It was a small victory. As for the present?
All In The Past
It’s probably no surprise to find out that Jake is now divorced from his wife.
He has also put the horrible experiences behind him – after all, there’s no point staying a bit "salty". The only thing that is left is a hilarious story of revenge that everyone can enjoy (maybe dream of).