1. He was a Walking Red Flag
I work as an EMT for a private company, so we mostly deal with nursing homes and the elderly. One day when I was about 6-8 months in, I got assigned a partner who was in my orientation class. He was a little older than me at the time, like mid 20's, but he seemed a little childish. "Maybe he's just sheltered, I think to myself."
Anyways, we got a patient I've had a few times before. She was a sweet, little old lady with COPD and CHF living at assisted living. The call was for pneumonia.
She's prone to this stuff so it wasn't a huge deal. We usually slap her on oxygen and keep her sitting up till we get to the hospital. The first red flag, though, was that this kid didn't know anything.
He didn't know how to take blood pressure. He couldn't find the medical history or medication on the paperwork (which is clearly labeled). He didn't even push the stretcher, just walked next to it with a hand on it. When I asked him about all that, he said "My partners usually do that for me."
So, I put her on an oxygen mask and sat her all the way up, mildly agitated. I tell myself it's just one shift with this kid. He's in the back with her and I tell him to just switch the oxygen from the bag (which is a small tank) to the main tank (which is huge) because with the amount of oxygen we're giving her, the bag will run out not even halfway before the hospital. It's about 25 minutes, which normally wouldn't be a huge deal.
But when we pull up to the hospital and I open the back doors, I'm in total shock.
The oxygen mask is not inflated (meaning she isn't getting oxygen), she's pale as a sheet of paper, I can literally see her accessory muscles moving, struggling to breathe. And this kid was sitting behind her, with a clueless half smile on his face, looks at me and says "The main tank is broken, so I left her in the bag."
This woman, who needs oxygen without pneumonia, was barely breathing for at LEAST 15 minutes. And this idiot didn't even check. We took her into the hospital. I ask him to find an oxygen tank while explaining to this woman's daughter what happened.
He says he doesn't know where to look. I found it and told him to talk to the daughter.
When it's all said and done, I check to see what's broken. My jaw dropped open when I saw it. He didn't even turn on the tank.
BamboozledBigTIme
2. I Got Injected With Cancer
I was at the hospital for 4-5 days, and got my appendix removed… I return to school and my friend who had no clue I was gone comes up to me and asks where I was. I tell him the whole story of my stomach aches and stuff. At the end of the story... this is EXACTLY what he said..
Friend: "I never went to the hospital, except for when I was born."
Me: "Why? Have you never ever gotten sick before?"
Friend: "When you're sick and at the hospital, they tell you fake stuff. Like you've gotten the flu, or you have some disease. They just try to make more money. When they inject you with drugs they have, they don't tell you but they put cancer in the drugs. They plant you with drugs."
Me: "Are you freaking kidding me? You're the biggest idiot I know. Why would they "implant" cancer into you? The whole point of being a doctor is to help people. Help the sick"
Friend: "That's what they want you to believe.. It happens all the time! Especially when you go under.. like into surgery or whatever. You had appendicitis right?... You have cancer in your system, I bet you within 3 years you'll get extremely sick. Why? Because the doctor put cancer into you."
Me: "You're an idiot."
Friend: "You know how you told me you got sick a lot when you were younger and how you were always in the hospital? You got lucky. The cancer they put in was wrong and weak."
I just walked away.
Yes, I did spend a lot of my youth in the hospital but no, it wasn’t for cancer (whether weak or strong). It was mainly my allergies and asthma.
IxuntouchblexI
3. Left or Right? It’s All The Same
In college, I was in a car accident with a 16-year-old girl. We were on a parkway and I had just merged into the far right-hand lane which was a turn-only lane. She was all the way over in the far left-lane, which was two lanes over from me.
Suddenly, she cut across the lanes separating us and rammed into my driver's side door. We pulled over, ensured that we were both okay, assessed the damages and called the police.
The police officer was asking for both of our explanations. He turned to her first and asked, "What happened?" She said "Well, I looked over my left shoulder and I didn't see anyone so I went."
The police officer stopped writing for a moment and said in utter disbelief, "Wait. You looked over your left shoulder, didn't see anyone, so you cut across two lanes of traffic on your right?" She answered with a straight face, "Yes, sir."
He just wrote it down as she said it but you could see the question marks forming above his head.
tellevee
4. Graves Are A Myth
I was hanging out with my friend and we decided to go to this girl's house to hang out with her and one of her friends who I've never met. I get over there and we're sitting on the couch and this really hot blonde girl walks in.
I'm talking a 10! So naturally I get pretty excited that my friend is trying to hook me up with her.
Anyway, we're sitting there hanging out watching tv and smoking a bit. Suddenly, this girl looks over at me and says, "I didn't know graves were real. I thought they were a myth."
We weren't even watching a show about anything that involved graves, just came completely out of nowhere.
I was speechless for a second. I looked over at her and asked, "have you never been to a funeral or a cemetery?" and she replied, "Well I've been to funerals but I was always too short to see what they did with the body."
I guess she thought the casket was just decoration and they threw the body in the ocean when they were done or something.
Vellatox
5. So This Is What Soap’s For!
I once had my ex's parents coming over, and needed some help cleaning the house up to get ready for their arrival. I asked my ex to clean the bathroom for me whilst I cleaned the kitchen, and left him to it. It was such a simple task, there was no way he could mess that up. Or so I thought.
I went in about a half an hour later and I couldn’t believe my eyes. The bathroom was somehow dirtier, but the ex was sitting on the couch chilling. When I asked him why he hadn’t cleaned the bathroom, he looked at me all confused and said he had.
I asked him to come in and pointed out all the soap scum everywhere and how it was clearly not clean. He reiterated that he’d cleaned it. I asked him to show me how.
He proceeded to pick up a bar of soap, lather up his hands real good, and just... rub everything. He didn’t even rinse it after. Just rubbed everything with soapy hands.
And couldn’t understand why I was staring at him open mouthed.
Same guy, a few months later. I asked him to mash some potatoes I’d boiled whilst I plated up dinner. He very literally did so, without draining out the water.
Again, he didn’t think what he’d done was in any way wrong, despite the weird texture and look of the potatoes.
arual_x
6. Do You Mind If The Police Arrests Us Both?
One night I got a knock on my door around 3:00 in the morning. I was, of course, asleep. So I got up in nothing but my boxers, went out and looked through the peep-hole in the door.
On the other side was this guy I went to highschool with. I'd been casual friends with him but hadn't seen him in at least a couple of years.
He looks kind of anxious, or nervous or something. So I open the door while standing behind it, look around it and the conversation goes like this:
ME: Hey man, what's going on?
HIM: Dude, the cops are after me, can I come in?
ME: The cops? No, I don't think so man, sorry.
HIM: Really?
ME: Sorry man...
HIM: Aww crap…
And at this point he runs off. No idea where he went, or if the cops caught up with him. Never heard from him again after that. He was just completely floored that I wouldn't let him into my house at 3 in the morning after he told me the cops were after him.
werk_reddit
7. Lazy and Natural
My ex wife wanted the house to be cleaned with "all natural" products with "no chemicals". Fine, whatever. Baking soda and vinegar made an ideal combo for lots of uses so I bought a bunch.
While I'm minding my own business she has a brilliant idea to portion these out and start storing them together... in glass bottles (cause we don't use plastic)... that have an airtight seal…
So yes, she mixed baking soda and vinegar together and sealed it in glass bottles.
The bottles exploded with one of the loudest concussions. I've heard shattering the glass all throughout the kitchen and into the living room.
Thankfully, no one was seriously injured.
We were finding shards of glass for weeks.
Her logic was we could just open the bottles later and pour out what we wanted to use when we actually wanted to clean something.
Vladimir_Putting
8. Got No Beef With Him
I had this crazy ex date who was determined to prove to me that I was dating an idiot. He was a staunch Buddhist and had a large portrait of GuanYinMa hung in his room. He also couldn’t eat beef due to his beliefs (The last part is common where I live.)
He tried so hard to shove his belief down my throat — a typical aggressive guy who also raised his voice at me too often.
In the short 3 weeks we were seeing each other, he initiated going to his favorite restaurant for his favorite Swedish meatball lunch at IKEA. At first I had questions but decided to just go with the flow.
In multicultural Singapore, the restaurant has 2 sections — regular and halal (to cater to our Muslim friends). The meatballs at both counters are the same, made of a mix of chicken and beef.
Me: Why IKEA? Don't their meatballs contain beef?
Guy: It's halal, stupid! Why can't I eat it? I've been eating it for years.
Me: It's halal - it means no pork, stupid. It still has beef in it.
Guy: serious mental breakdown
Glad that's over!
precprecprec1
9. If Johnny Has 2 Apples…
In my early 20s I was really poor. I lived across from a dollar general and would frequent it for odds and ends. There was a 18-22 year old girl who worked the cash register who I assumed was on the spectrum of sorts.
She couldn’t make eye contact, and was very obviously socially awkward. She was also often very dirty and always smelled of BO. It was always weird to me because they sold deodorant. She also had one arm/hand that was much smaller and less mobile than the other.
I was always kind to her, despite her being the slowest on the cash register, part to her physical speed capabilities, part to her painful customer interactions. She constantly over shared, uncomfortably. It was what it was.
It didn’t bother me. I honestly felt bad for the girl, and would occasionally see bruises on her smaller hand/arm and wondered if she was abused.
One day I walked into the good ol’ DG, looking to pick up some cleaning supplies and shampoo, and saw they had a clothing sale. Before you judge, I was pooooor, and they didn’t have the worst clothing.
The sale was that certain color-stickered items were $1. I browsed and actually found 5 things that weren’t too terrible- some pajamas, some leggings, a piece of athletic wear.
I brought up all my items, waited for a while as the girl was at the register, and brought up the $1 clothing items I picked (5 of them in total), a spray cleaner, and a bottle of shampoo — both of which were also $1. She scanned them in and said “$53.”
I kind of anticipated this, so I pointed to the literal three signs about the sale right around the register. There must have been 25 signs through the small store. I wasn’t angry.
She looked at me, and I explained the sticker color matches the sale and they need to be discounted. She thinks for a good long while, looking at the register, clearly in pain and not knowing what to do.
Eventually, she scans the 7 items again, hits a bunch of buttons, then says, “Ok! $24.” I was absolutely flabbergasted.
I knew she was slower, but discovering that she couldn’t figure out 5+2 should be 7 (and tax), absolutely shocked me and truly bummed me out. Myself and the customer behind me just stared, not knowing what to do for far too long. I eventually asked if there was anyone else working who could help.
She used the store phone to call in another coworker back in from their break. I stopped seeing her after a while, which was to be expected. I think of her often. I hope she’s ok.
[deleted]
10. Electricity? Never Heard of Her…
Years ago, I bought a friend an electric kettle as a gift. Her boyfriend (who I'm still friends with and who passed along this story) came home one night to find her running out the front door of their apartment with the flaming kettle, and she threw it into the street.
She was screaming about how it was a piece of junk because when she put it on the stove, over a flame, it caught fire and started to melt. He was laughing uncontrollably when he asked, "What did you think the cord was for?"
They broke up soon after.
ilikeyourswatch
11. Microwave Wonders
I was making dinner with my ex and her mom. They were talking about how they forgot to put on a can of corn to go with the meal, but that's ok, they can just microwave it right? First it took two of them to use the can opener, as in they took turns because "The cans are so strong".
I looked over and they have the can cut almost all the way around...but not around the lid, it's this weird, wavy, up and down the side of the can way, basically taking the last fifth of the can right off.
I stare at them, but don't say anything because, hey, not my house, they've gotten this far. Why point it out now and when I can just continue what I was doing?
Moments later they congratulate themselves and move on to the next step… which apparently to BOTH of them was just sticking the can straight in the microwave. Seconds later lots of bright flashes, both of them leap away from the microwave so I have to come around the table and do the “heroic” task of hitting the open button and stop the potential meltdown.
The rest of the dinner was them so shocked that metal reacts like that in a microwave, yes, even forks or spoons would do that and how amazed they were it never happened before.
Flash forward a year and they're buying a new microwave.
Turns out they've bought ALL their microwaves from this one store and the owner was surprised it's been so long since they bought a replacement. Turns out, he's a great guy, always helps them find the best deals and even jokes about how the extended warranty is for suckers.
loki_odinsotherson
12. I’ve Got My Eye On You
While I was in college, I worked as a shift supervisor at Wendy's. It was lame and paid badly, but the schedule worked with my school schedule.
So it was my job to put everyone in their stations and make sure that the various time sensitive duties got performed at the necessary times (like cleaning the fryer several times a night for yummy golden fries).
My manager had hired a trio of guys who were on the ankle bracelet program. They were on probation for something. He had done this before. Those ankle bracelet guys never made it past a month.
So, I have one of them stationed at the grill. At night, when the dining room closes, you have a limited number of people and the grill guy takes on fry duty. So he's standing there staring into the fryer. Just...staring at it.
I notice this and see he's watching lone fry that had gotten dropped/left in there sizzling in the oil and spinning. But he was pretty intent on watching this thing. So I asked him if he was ok and he kinda snapped out of it, like he was spacing out.
Ten minutes later, I see him doing the same thing, but watching the meat cook on the grill. Again, spaced the heck out. So I called out to him... "Hey Derek, whatcha doing over there buddy?"
He turns and looks at me and in a very serious tone, says "I'm getting ready to start thinking about flipping the meat". Laughing, I jokingly asked him if he was on drugs. He goes "Yeah dude, I took acid before work".
I was a good guy and let him go home early, with a cheeseburger and a frosty no less.
Supaslags
13. No Surviving Without Daddy or His Money
In college, I had a friend named Mally. She was a couple years younger than the rest of the people in our group and still lived at home with her parents due to their very strict culture and beliefs about how an unmarried woman should not live away from home.
But her dad was a doctor and also had family money so they were quite wealthy in our area. The sort of wealthy where for her 16th birthday, they bought her a Porsche and when they didn't think she thanked them adequately for it, they returned it.
Anyway, I remember when the group of us were at some of the guys' on-campus apartment, their toilet clogged. Mally, without really blinking, said we should call our plumber to get it fixed.
Of course the guys were like "Uh, no? It's just clogged. Why would we call a plumber?" to which Mally, who was very confused, replied, "Because that's what plumbers do? Why would you do it yourself?"
So we then explained first, how expensive plumbers are, and second, how the average person does not call a plumber for a slightly clogged toilet.
Mally was confused and then asked, "Well, what do you do when a light bulb burns out? Change it yourself?" and obviously, we were all nodding and saying "Yeah, absolutely."
So that was when we discovered just how sheltered and out of touch Mally was with how normal people do things.
We specifically learned that she didn't know how to do laundry, change a light bulb, plunge a toilet, cook literally anything, put gas in her car all because either their maids did it for her (also worth noting: having maids is extremely rare in our area) or her dad did.
It blew her mind when we explained that those are very normal things to know how to do and ended up showing her how to do all those things. She really hated it but it did a lot to make her a more self-reliant adult. Her parents really sheltered her so much so it wasn't totally her fault.
zzaannsebar
14. I Thought I Had Hit Jackpot
I had been dating this girl for a few months and it was Christmas time. We weren't super serious but it was serious enough that I was buying her Christmas presents. I found something for her that was perfect and it had a connection to some funny event involving her and my cat. So I thought I had gotten the perfect gift idea.
I bought a present and addressed it to look like it came from the cat. I thought I was being cute and she would make the connection. Big Mistake.
Instead, she got mad that my cat got her a present and I didn't. I thought she was joking. To make matters worse we were at her parents' place and they backed her up. It was extremely awkward and I realized it wasn't going to work out.
dopkick
15. Who Knew Colors Mix?
I work at a paint store and I get pretty dumb questions, pretty much daily, but the other day I had a customer that took the cake.
She had bought 3 different colors of paint for a floor and took them home, seemingly happy about it and returned a few days later with this gem:
Her: "I'm VERY unhappy with this product. I want a refund."
Me: "Well what seems to be the problem?"
Her: "I put the three colors down at the same time and smeared them around trying to get a granite look, and all they did was mix them together to make one uniform color."
I was luckily able to keep from choking her.
[deleted]
16. He Didn’t Know How to Wear A Shirt
I met the most clueless person in the world when I was still in high school. My buddy, Ferris, and I were just getting into going to the gym. We went with Ferris’s friend, Tom. I should point out that we were 18 at this time.
After working out, in the changing room during some small talk I saw Tom putting on a shirt. Tom put the shirt over his head, but didn’t put his arms through the sleeves.
He managed to pull the shirt over his torso so that it was adequately on before wiggling all about and bending his arms in odd ways to get them into the sleeves.
I didn’t take much notice of it the first few times. But after a few months it was apparent he did this every single time. Tom didn’t know how to put on a shirt. At least efficiently. Eventually we asked Tom why he put his shirt on like that, and he said something along the lines of “Wait what, don’t I do it the same way you guys do?”
I guess he had never really thought about it before then.
TheAmazingTurtleKid
17. You’re Supposed To Clean That?!
I had to explain and show to my older brother that you can and should clean your beard trimmer from the inside, even the little bits as well.
We both got the same exact model as a gift on Christmas and it turns out he hadn't opened up and cleaned the little rotary bits the entire time he had it (years, literally years, at least 5), and was complaining how it's very slow and probably needs to be replaced with a new one.
I thought ''that's weird, mine is around the same age and is still perfectly fine'', so I turn it on and it makes this very gritty sound like the machine is so slow as if it's dying and stuff even though it's fully charged.
I opened it up and the little rotary blades were so clogged up with years old dust and hairs it was a miracle the thing was still working at all. Turns out he didn't even know you could open them.
I cleaned it all nice and clean and the thing started working good again (as much as it can) afterwards.
potatoslasher
18. I’m from Texas, Where is the Pacific Ocean?
10 years ago, I was dating an …uh…interesting 32 year old .He asked me if I wanted to get together to watch a TV show. I said sure, what time is it on. He looks it up and says to me "8 Pacific 9 Central...?"
I asked what was confusing him and he told me he wasn't sure if the show was on at 8 or 9. My man did not know what timezone we lived in.
So I was like "Ok, well you know what ocean we're near, right?" because I was trying to get him to think about the Pacific time zone in terms of the giant body of water for which it was named and he immediately got defensive and for real said, "Why would I know that? I'm from Texas."
He'd been living in San Francisco for 5 years and could see the Pacific Ocean out his window.
almostdidbutdidnt
19. You Have Kids?
I used to work at a convenience store while in undergrad and we had a new employee we had to train. This fat woman was probably between 25-30 yrs old and had about 4 or 5 kids by different fathers. Our supervisor wanted us to show her the ropes but before she left she said, "I want her glued to this register all day" so it would allow her to get familiar with the register.
Well, the day goes by, and we have our closing duties, like putting bins out for the newspaper, throwing out the garbage, sweeping, etc. before we close the store at midnight. I ask her, "Hey, you wanna help us out?" in a very friendly, non-sarcastic way.
I was completely gobsmacked when she replied.
She says, "No." I asked her "Are you serious?". She says, "[Supervisor] said I have to be glued to the register and that's all I have to do." I just looked at her and said, "You can't be this stupid."
I told her, "Yes. she said that, but you still have to help out." She simply restates she was told to stay at the register.
This goes on for a bit, where I try to show her the error in her ways in a loud fashion. We ended up calling the supervisor, and she clarified the situation to the new employee that she wanted her to focus on the register, but she still had to help out around the store.
It was still part of her job. She just huffed and puffed on the phone, hung up, and helped us close the store.
I couldn't believe that someone this much older than me acted like a 5th grader and was responsible for the lives of children.
bobbydigitalFTW
20. Have You Thought About Not Spending So Much?
One of my old roommates was really bright academically, but he was terrible with money. Each semester he would start off with a pile of cash from his parents and proceed to blow through it in about two months.
I first noticed it with his dining dollars on campus. Every day it seemed like he would buy the most expensive sushi option on campus everyday. We're talking maybe $18.00 which isn't terrible if it's once in a while, but this was every day.
It's also college dining hall sushi, so the quality was also just okay without even considering the money spent.
Of course, around midterms when his dining dollars would run out and he'd sort of panic and whine that he couldn't afford anything. But what was so strange, is that when he would start to run low, he'd sort of laugh about not knowing anyway we could avoid going broke while continuing to buy only the most expensive option.
But he'd also get really defensive when people wanted to talk to him about this.
Eventually when he moved off campus it was the same thing. For the first two months he'd feast. He'd get delivery constantly, ordering just way too much food, and of course he'd never share it.
But then once he'd nearly run out of cash, he'd buy like an emergency 50 pack of hot dogs and only eat that for the rest of the semester, while telling everyone else that they were lucky they had money to spend, and how not everyone had it so easy when it comes to money.
He'd never directly say it, but there were always a lot of implied insults.
ConneryFTW
21. I Am The Moron
I remember acting like a complete moron when I first started dating my now husband. I was hanging out at his apartment waiting for him to get out of work. His place was a bit messy so I decided I’d tidy up for him a bit.
Fast forward to the next morning and he comes in a little shocked. I was wondering what went wrong when he asked me, completely bewildered, “why would you load the dishwasher like THAT?”
I had never had a dishwasher before in my life, lmao. We’re talking cups facing up, big pans shoved in, the whole nine yards. Thank God he stuck with me.
kay37892
22. What’s the Best Way to Put Out a Grease Fire?
My ex and I were cooking together and one of the pans got too hot, and we had a minor grease fire. She grabbed a bag of flour.
As tempted as I was to slap it out of her hands, I didn't want to aerate a bunch of flour next to a grease fire, so I grabbed it with both hands and forced it (and her, because she wouldn't let go) over to the countertop, and then dropped the lid on the pan.
I asked her what her logic was, and she said "Well, you're supposed to put baking soda on a grease fire and not water, right?".
"Yes. Why did you try to use flour?"
"What's the difference? They're both white powder."
walkingknight
23. Teach Me, Please
My Mom and I moved in with my Grandparents when I was 10 years old. You know, old enough to have learned how to do some basic chores, and certainly old enough to be taught more.
Unfortunately my Grandmother, God bless her, was not only terrified of fire (her Mother had a problem with accidentally setting things on fire) but she was also a neat freak that insisted on doing everything herself so it was done right.
My Mom married my (step)Dad when I was 14 years old, and we moved into a house together as a family. He was horrified to learn that, at nearly 15 years old, I did not know how to wash and dry my own clothes, iron, load a dishwasher, or even use the stove.
I could use the oven because I baked with my other Grandmother when I visited, but I had never used the stove top.
There are many more things he had to teach me, but those were the things that really had him worried about my ability to care for myself as an adult. It wasn't that my Grandmother didn't want me to be able to care for myself.
Her fears were just so intense that she didn't think about how not knowing these basic skills would affect me later in life.
I am forever grateful to my Dad for being the Dad I needed because God knows the biological one couldn't be bothered. Mom couldn't overrule her own Mother when we lived with her and by the time she married Dad she was sleeping at the hospital five nights a week because her schedule was so insane.
I don't even want to think about who I would be if I hadn't had him to teach me, but I'm pretty sure I would have had to live off of chocolate chip cookies, brownies, and take out through my 20s if it weren't for him. I probably would've smelled pretty bad from the lack of clean clothes too.
WhoDatKrit
24. Who Got You This Far?
My ex didn’t know how to hold a fork properly. All utensils were used by grasping it in a fist. Also didn’t know how to open up baby wipes. He tore open the bag (it has a lid so they don’t dry out). He ignored the lid.
Didn’t know how to merge or change lanes. He wouldn’t check blind spots or accelerate. Would actually frequently slow down and turn into cars. I attribute his lack of accidents to other safe drivers on the road.
He would, instead, use a blinker when backing out of parking spaces!!!?!! So people knew which way he was backing out at??? Didn’t know to rinse vegetables or fruits before eating. Basic things. Like how!?!?
Don’t get me started on any food prep. I often felt like a parent more than a partner and it got old. Constantly having to teach him things he was never told or taught.
meekmeeka
25. I Think Your Fax Machine Needs More Ink
I sometimes wish you could slap someone through the phone. So I work in an office (it's pretty bad, like Office Space but instead of programming it's in Healthcare). So I fax this sheet over to a provider, the people who are working face to face with the patients.
A few minutes later I receive a call from someone who I can only hope was on a wide variety of recreational drugs but alas I don't think the human race is that lucky. This is what she says, "Hello did you just send us this sheet? I think you guys need to replace your fax's ink. When it came through it was all blurry Bla Bla Bla"
My fax's ink?!? How do you think a fax machine works? It doesn't print out my copy again and physically sends a piece of tree through space time to your idiot face.
If I had a machine that did that I would be the richest man to ever live because I would own a transporter!
In the end I told the carrot I would resend the fax and thankfully, didn't hear from her again. I can only hope she somehow managed to slice open a major artery with a papercut from the aforementioned fax and bled out.
purplehaze42
26. Nothing Like Good Old Raw Chicken
When I first met my Ex he didn't know how to cook. I was 40 something year old at the time I met him. He only knew how to use a microwave and the best thing he thought of cooking was chicken thighs.
Chicken thighs cooked in the microwave, everything was cooked in the microwave. Wet, soggy, colorless flesh with no flavoring. That's not how it works, that's not how any cooking should be done.
It is even worse that the microwave sometimes doesn't cook things evenly so some of the thighs were raw on the inside. I asked if he ever got salmonella or any other kind of disease and he said no. I can’t for the life of me understand how he didn’t get sick with these practices.
Rageagainstmisogyny
27. Making The Bed
I had spent the night at my ex boyfriend's place and stayed a bit longer in the morning to help clean the house. I was folding some clothes when I noticed him go from one side of the bed to another without actually doing anything.
I looked at him and he looked clueless. After watching him go back and forth a few times, I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to ask what the issue was. But I wasn’t prepared for his reply.
He said "Can you please make the bed? I've never done this, no idea where to start". I didn't mean to have a strong reaction to it but man did it leave me speechless... He was 26 at the time. That day I realized his mother often visited his house to make the bed and clean... Yeah…
throwingverbalrocks
28. You Have To Pay For Stuff?!
I have a buddy who I'm still good friends with but he has some personal issues. Not like severe mental problems, just an extreme lack of motivation. He dropped out of college, he lives at home and he's never had a job for more than a few weeks.
In his defense the dude is one of the most shy people I have ever met in my life so he deserves some empathy for his inability to work. Anyways, a couple years ago me and my roommate were planning a kickback for us and some friends with bonfire, beer, BBQ, weed the whole 9 yards.
Initially we had planned on picking up our friend but he didn't call us on time so we ended up just going home and starting drinking. Around 11 pm or so our friend calls us and apologizes for his lateness.
We're all like it's cool but we can't come get you because drinking so we suggest he gets an Uber.
He says he's never heard of Uber and we explain it's like a taxi. He's baffled but downloads the app. Some time passes and he texts us in confusion that the app wanted his debit card information to which we reply something along the lines of "Well yeah… it's a ride sharing app of course it costs money".
He's outraged that they would charge him for such a short ride and did not understand when we tried about a dozen times to explain that ride sharing drivers deserve pay? He didn't end up getting an Uber even after we agreed to pay for it (it was 12 dollars) and he just bows out at this point.
Super weird because he was like 22 at the time but could not be convinced to take a freaking Uber. Blew me away
Lowkey_A_giraffe
29. That Doesn’t Make Any Sense
I run a camp for students who have had court involvement in Detroit. We had a female camper who was pregnant and she would constantly use her pregnancy as an excuse not to do things.
One day, we were at the waterfront and she said, "I can't stay out here with all these bugs! My momma told me if I swallow a fly, my baby is gonna turn into a magnet [sic]."
I ran the sentence over in my head and even if she had said "maggot" like I am sure she meant, it still does not make a lick of sense.
Bestjosh
30. Floss? Never Heard Of It
We were out for a company lunch at a sports bar and one of my co-workers discreetly told me that she had pulled pork stuck in her teeth. I always keep a thing of floss in my purse so I offered to let her have it. She gratefully accepted and then asked, "How do I use it?"
She had never flossed in her life! She hadn't even had her teeth flossed at the dentist! So I took this 40-yr-old woman to the ladies' room and taught her how to floss.
All around, quite a funny and heartwarming experience.
We went back in the room all giddy, but never gave away her secret. The icing on the cake is that she's English, so I teased her about perpetuating stereotypes. If you're reading this, Viv, I love you!
juicy-aloe-vera
31. Not Made To Work
Before the shutdown happened, I was working in a bar. We had this kid who got hired as a barback and he apparently just couldn't keep up. It was a pretty busy place, especially on the weekends, and barbacks had to be on top of things constantly.
After about three weeks, management decides he isn't gonna cut it as a barback and pushes him into the kitchen with me. I was glad to have help because we always had issues with keeping cooks on for some reason.
Holy crap. This kid could not do anything. He lacked basic common sense for practically everything. We started him on fry station but he would mess up the most basic of tasks; he didn't even know how to make fries. I told him how to do our catfish (3 planks tossed in corn mill and flour), he tossed the first two but then dropped the third completely bare.
I asked him why he did that and he had no answer. Then we tried putting him on the grill — he couldn't make toast or toast buns; he would always burn them! Last we tried having him run the center and call out tickets but it seemed like he could barely read.
There were multiple times I had to kick him out of the kitchen because he was so slow or just completely zone out.
One of the servers was his cousin and she told me that both his dad and brother had to fire him from separate jobs because he wouldn't do his stuff or wouldn't show up. Then of course one night, he was still out back after he clocked out and was talking to someone at length about doing mushrooms and acid; guess we know why he can't hold down a job.
Told him to do something one night while I ran to the restroom; came back and he was gone. Good riddance. Brandon, if you're reading this, I hate your guts.
voltwaffle
32. When Does The Oil Start to Boil?
Two girls almost caused a fire if I hadn't found them on time. These two were actually my friends and I was looking for them, and found them in one of the kitchens about to "cook" a stir fry.
They had a wok with about an inch depth of oil in the bottom, SHIMMERING because it was so hot, and they weren't sure if it was hot enough to cook with yet.
They were really glad I found them because they couldn't tell that it was boiling oil and were worried the food wouldn't cook. I was really glad I found them because if they had thrown their stir fry veg in there it would have probably caused a fire, or at least spat boiling oil all over them.
I turned it off and tossed one piece of veg in there - turned black almost instantly.
Pookie103
33. She Thought She Had Cleaned It
She cleaned the bathroom and an hour later complained that everyone else had left it dirty.
We had literally just moved in so I asked her what cleaning product she had cleaned it with, she responded with “What do you mean product?!” So I asked her if she had used only hot water.
Her response: “Hot water?!
She had damped down all surfaces in the bathroom with cool water and was then unhappy with the water marks from a hard water area that appeared afterwards.
DondeT
34. Say No To Evolution
I once had a conversation with my (very religious) aunt that didn’t go the way I had planned. Her son, who is about 6 years younger than me, was thinking about going to med school, and I was a biology major, so she was asking me about the classes I was taking, specifically a class on evolution.
She asked if it was required, and I told her yes, it was by this school. She looked at me like someone had just told her that the sun was really green, and said "But, then he will have to learn evolution."
My response, "Yes, but learning about other beliefs is good and it brings understanding." Her response, "But if he learns about it he might believe it."
[deleted]
35. How Can You Not Know That?
I was a drill sergeant in the US Army. The first time you have to show an adult man how to shave is a little shocking. The worst one was the 24 year old male that didn't know how to tie his boots. He had gotten through reception and pick up day by tightly lacing his boots and tucking the laces in. As they would loosen up throughout the day, he would just pull them tight again.
The first Sunday I noticed his boots were barely staying on as he was marching back from dinner. I asked him what was wrong with them as it's common for privates to have the wrong size boots when they get to us.
He didn't know how to tie them. At all. Not a single knot. I spent an hour showing him how I tie my boots and different techniques if he gets hot spots or blisters.
Then I assigned his bunkmate the task of making sure they were tied correctly when he left the bay.
irunfarther
36. The Sky is a Blanket
We were laying out under the stars and he asked why some were brighter and others dimmer. I told him that there were different sizes, brightnesses and distances away. I was met with a confused silence.
"You mean, they're not stuck up there?"
I'm lying there thinking this can't be true. But oh, yes… it was. Upon further questioning I found that he believed the night sky was a big dark blanket like thing with stars stuck on it. The fact that our sun was a star also blew his mind and that just like our sun, other stars could have planets? Too much.
I was crushed. I almost broke up with him there and then. But he was very earnest and wanted me to "teach him." So I tried. Two years later and a whole lotta stupid later, we broke up.
Crysanthia
37. How Do I Find My Way Home?
I've come to the realization that many adults no longer have the ability to read a map or follow simple driving directions to a new place as they're completely reliant on GPS telling them when and where to turn. Two instances that stand out:
A person in my office building was standing at the door asking everyone coming and going if they'd seen a car mount GPS unit in the parking lot as they'd lost it bringing it in somehow.
They burst into tears, so I figured it must be an expensive model. I asked what it was but it was cheap and helped them look around under cars to see if we could find it during which we talked.
They weren’t crying over the price of losing it. They were crying because they didn't know how they'd get home that night without it. They couldn't drive home from their job they'd worked at for months without a GPS telling them how.
Another day, I was out with a friend doing some shopping in a part of a city we'd never been to before. We were in the parking lot of store A and wanted to get to store B which we could see but there wasn't a connected road between the two.
My friend searches the store on their iphone to get directions and it gives off a 30 minute route that includes 2 toll roads.
I thought there was no way it would take that much driving to get there so I looked at google maps and saw we could drive it in about 3 minutes by going two stores over and exiting from the back of that store's parking lot onto the road that leads to store B.
They could not look at the map and then translate it to the real world, despite that we could literally see all the features we needed to follow. He ended up taking the 30 minute route and paying the tolls because he didn't trust the map.
[deleted]
38. Orange Peeler
We weren't adults at the time, but my friend I have known since we were 10, came over to my house when we were 16. He lived directly across the street and I saw him most days. Anyway, he came over and while we were hanging out we decided to have a snack.
My mom used to buy cases of oranges and we could eat those at any time. So I grab a couple of oranges, throw one to him. He stares at it for a while and I know the guy pretty well. I ask him what’s the problem and he says,
"How do I do this?"
"What? Dude, I know you have eaten an orange before."
"Yeah, but how do I get... into it?"
"What?! You mean peel it?"
"Yeah, my mom just cuts them in fourths."
I laughed at him for a good 15 min, and then taught him how to peel an orange.
I still bring it up sometimes... to his kids. We're 40 now.
thput
39. My Father Embarrassed Me
For as long as I can remember, my father had red eyes after showering. I didn't even think to ask about it. One day as a teenager a friend slept over and in the morning she saw my dad dressed and ready for work, freshly showered, red-eyed.
She asked him why his eyes were red and he simply said "shampoo." She then very carefully and as respectfully as she could muster asked him why he didn't close his eyes, and he laughed and said "What do you think, I'm an idiot? Closing my eyes in the shower! Sheesh!"
My dad did a lot of things that embarrassed me. But that one was prettttty high up there.
katartsis
40. Double Spit
The gym at my university has water fountains spread out along the walls, and next to each water fountain, there is a faucetless sink fixture with a sign that reads, "If you spit, spit in here."
One day, these two girls were getting a drink, and while waiting, one of the girls read the sign aloud, inspected the sink curiously, and then spat in it. Then she stood back, looked it over and said, "Huh, I don't get it. What does that do?"
The other girl subsequently took a step back, also read the sign aloud, inspected the drink curiously, and then, too, spat in it. Both girls stood back and stared at the sink, the second girl asking, "What now?"
half-squat
41. Phone Eaters
I was at a restaurant with a few friends and this awkward teenage couple sat down at the table next to us. You can tell they're on their first date and the guy is visibly nervous and the girl looks like she feels a little awkward as well.
They sit in silence for at least two whole minutes until the guy laughs and says, "Hey... wouldn't it be weird if you ate your phone?" The girl just stares at him and replies, "Yeah". More silence.
madelynepryor
42. We Like Nazis
I was on a year abroad in CA, and there were these smoking hot, blonde twins in my grade that were known around campus. One day (I couldn't believe my luck) during lunch they decided to sit at my table. Being on a year abroad, and having the "exotic" German side to myself I decided it was time to make some moves.
We get to talking and it's going pretty well until...
Twin 1: "So where are you from?"
Me: "I'm from Germany... year ab-"
Twin 1 (smiling): "Oh, so you're a Nazi?"
Me (awkwardly): "...Err no... I mean, I wouldn' -"
Twin 2: "No, no it's cool... We like Nazis!"
Now, of course I understand that she didn't actually mean it that way. But just the sheer mindlessness of those two statements right after each other was too much for me to handle at that moment.
Freak4Sho
43. The Plague is a Person
When I was in high school, I owned a "Black Death" tour shirt. It is a joke shirt that makes the plague look like a metal band. One night I wore it and went to eat at Burger King where these two girls were working the counter and asked me about my shirt.
I explained that it was about the plague. As expected, they had no idea what I was talking about. I tried to explain further, trying to dumb it down as much as possible. Until one of the girls had a light bulb moment and helpfully summed it up for her friend.
But nothing could have prepared me for what came out of her mouth.
She says, "So there was this guy hundreds of years ago that was killing people, and he has come back and is giving people AIDS".
RhodyRex
44. What Does This Button Do?
I am the dumbest person I have ever met, and that’s putting it lightly. I just moved into my first home in February of this year. I live alone and am single. Earlier this month I mowed my lawn for the first time. I
have never mowed a lawn before, but I'm thinking, how hard can it be? (The answer: not hard at all).
Prior to that, I had roped my brother into coming over and doing it for me, but this time I figured I needed to actually learn. The lawnmower is an old push mower from my dad's that he had brought over about a month ago, and he quickly gave me the rundown on how to use it, but I was half paying attention, plus… it's a lawnmower.
So anyway, I go to start it up, takes me at least 10 tries of pulling the cord as hard as I can with no luck until finally it fires up. I then proceed to begin mowing, and I know this thing is self-propelling - it says so right on it, but I cannot, for the life of me, figure out why it's so hard to push.
The wheels aren't locked or anything, so I just figured it's a combination of me not having much upper body strength and my lawn having a lot of uneven spots/divots that prevented the mower from moving smoothly.
I finally finished, sweating my butt off like I had just finished seriously working out (my yard is very small… even I finished the front and back in about a half hour-40 mins). Upon reflection, I'm still not convinced that the mower was self-propelling. I mean I know I'm not strong and am somewhat petite, but still.
So I'm sharing this story with friends and co-workers like wtf did I do wrong and they're all asking me about this lever, and I'm like yeah, obviously I had to hold the lever down or the motor dies.
Well, turns out there's a second lever that you have to squeeze in order to propel the lawnmower.
I manually pushed that MFer around my whole yard, divots, hills and all, ended up with a blister on my thumb, and sweating profusely through my shirt. Not to mention the few times I stopped it and had to re-start it, I pulled the cord literally at least 20 times to get it to start again.
I was waiting for one of my neighbors to come over and ask me if I needed help, the struggle was that obvious (I also learned about the little button that you push a few times to make starting easier).
So yeah, mowed today, and let's just say that things went significantly better than last time. Growing up, my dad or brother would mow, and in college up until now, I have always lived in apartments or duplexes, nothing that requires residents to do any lawn care.
So, at the age of 32, I have finally learned to use a lawnmower.
tofuandmushrooms
45. Have You Ever Been to the Philippines?
I was sitting in my supervisor's office one afternoon, just passing time, talking about one of my experiences in the Philippines, when a lady that we'll call "Debbie" walks in.
Debbie has a reputation at work for being a little slow on the uptake, and it's something we often take advantage of in the interest of everyone else's entertainment.
Anyway, Debbie popped her head into the office, asked what we were talking about, and I told her. She said something to the effect of "Oh, the Philippines?"
I responded, "Yeah, I was born there."
"Have you ever been to the Philippines," she asked.
I looked at her sideways, trying to figure out if she was trolling me. My eyes flitted sideways to my boss whose expression probably mirrored mine. I looked at Debbie again, and I figured that she was probably being serious. "Yes... I was born there."
pt606