In life, people cannot deny the fact that there are others whom we encounter that are just so baffling. After meeting that person, we probably can’t help but wonder if they have a brain cell working.
Doctors are no exception to this; because of that, these people from the Reddit Community shared their stories of the dumbest patients they have encountered. Check them out!
1. Completely Normal
I am an ER doctor.
I once had a 20-year-old and his girlfriend come in at 2 am freaking out because "something had torn his throat open." He seemed fine. No blood. Breathing fine. I had him open his mouth and saw nothing.
I didn't want him to lose confidence in me. Clearly, something had happened, so I was looking, and looking....there was nothing wrong with this kid's throat.
Me: Look, it seems okay. What do you feel or see?
Him: I don't feel it, but LOOK, IT’S RIGHT THERE
Me: WHERE??? [Looking, looking.]
It was his uvula.
Somehow, this kid had reached the age of 20 without ever noticing his uvula. His girlfriend was also horrified...I told them it was normal.
Did not believe me.
So I told them I was about to blow their minds and showed him his girlfriend's uvula.
Minds blown, and another life was saved in the ER.
Hathathn
2. The Rash
Had a marine once who came to me complaining of a rash on his right forearm for 2 weeks.
This was his first visit for the issue, and he hadn't had anything like this before and was worried since he reported worsening symptoms since the initial onset.
When asked about prior skin issues, he told me he had ringworm before THIS rash.
Look at his arm; and it looked like a mild second-degree chemical burn in a rather circular shape, with blisters on the edges. What got me was the exact definition in the burn edge.
Asking the young LCPL how he got that,
Guy: Well, that's the burn I got from the bleach I poured on my arm.
When I asked him WHY he poured bleach on his arm:
Guy: Well, how else was I going to kill the ringworm?
DocMichaels
3. Red Eye
I worked at the ER during my internship and met a girl who had increasingly painful and red eyes a couple of days back.
The last 24 hours had been horrible. I asked about all the normal stuff, and she claimed to have no idea why she had this eye problem - she had never had anything wrong with her eyes.
I drop some dye in her eyes to check them in a microscope, and when I do, I realize she's wearing contacts.
She didn't like her natural eye color, so she had bought a set of blue-colored lenses 8 months earlier. Never removed them, not even during nighttime.
She didn't even think to mention this to me, claiming to have no "foreign materials" in her eyes.
Needless to say, I gave her quite a harsh lecture and a referral to an ophthalmologist.
Fracturedfigment
4. Sweet Tooth
We had a patient come in for theatre.
She said yes when asked if she'd followed the fasting instructions, but luckily, the nurse didn't believe her.
With some prodding the patient eventually confessed to having 6 chocolate bars and an orange juice for breakfast.
Obviously, the surgery was delayed.
Meowfacenator
5. Home Remedy Plan
Had a patient who was convinced that drinking grape juice with baking soda was helping him fight prostate cancer.
Me: But your cancer is actually getting worse.
Him: I'm gonna stick with my plan. I really feel like it's helping.
Yes, it is kind of like Steve Jobs.
YoungSerious
6. Immediate Donation
There was the guy whose elderly mother suffered a massive brain hemorrhage, and I had to tell him there was nothing surgically we could do for her.
He tearfully told me that he would do anything for his mama, and she could have his brain to save her life.
Dude wanted us to do a brain transplant.
I had to tell him that no, unfortunately, that would not be possible.
KosstAmojan
7. Gravity Theory
Dentist here.
I had a patient a few years ago who could not understand how she had gum disease on her upper teeth.
She thought gravity would pull all the bacteria down onto her lower teeth, leaving her top teeth plaque-free.
Doctorwhodds
8. Yummy Food No More
I had a patient who came to the emergency department vomiting so much I had to admit him for intravenous fluids.
I took the usual history, including what he'd eaten recently - nothing out of the ordinary. A few hours later, he calls me over.
Patient: 'Doctor.... I did eat some chicken and rice earlier.
Patient: My girlfriend made it yesterday, and we left it in the pan on top of the stove overnight. I ate it this afternoon.
(This was in a July heatwave.)
Patient: Do you think that could have been it?
Me: Yes, I do. [sighs]
We had a little talk about food hygiene.
Forest_rose
9. Indenial Patient
Optometrist here.
Had a guy come in for a glasses exam for the first time in ten years, and I discovered he had full-blown glaucoma going on. I asked him if I could run a test to help confirm.
He got super angry with me and demanded his prescription.
Me: I'll give you that, but I need to prescribe you medicine to help save your sight.
Him: Well, if the good lord wants me to lose my sight, then who am I to stop him.
I made him sign a waiver, and he left.
I've never been so frustrated at a patient. I hope he doesn't kill someone on the road one day.
Talisker12
10. Mom’s Milk
ER doc here! I once had 40-something-year-old patients who came in with "chest pain." After taking a thorough history, it turns out that it was actually bilateral nipple pain.
She was breastfeeding. But wait, it gets better!
Turns out she was breastfeeding her two kids... who are aged 12 and 5…
Bokbokboy
11. Oxygen, Please
I have encountered lots of patients for whom I had to deal with their dumbest statements, and there is one I can share.
I once had a pregnant patient who refused to wear tight shirts because it would cover her navel and then her baby wouldn't be able to breathe.
She was not convinced that that's not how babies get oxygen in utero.
Justpracticing
12. Tons of Proof
I once had a patient who kept denying that he had hip surgery despite multiple CT scans showing hardware in his hip.
Sat down and showed him each one spanning multiple years, but he kept refusing to ever have surgery.
How do you forget hip surgery!?
Phoenix_m
13. Running Man Challenge
One night, I was signing meds from the pharmacy, and the courier asked if the nitro patches were explosive.
I looked him straight in the eyes and swept the patches off the counter and onto the floor.
He almost craps himself, trying to get out of the med room before the explosion.
10/10 would do it again.
Heemsah
14. Wasted Time
I work in a pharmacy, and just last week, a guy came in and asked the pharmacist what she'd recommend for an itchy leg rash.
She goes through all the normal questions and asks about his medical history and what meds he's on so she can establish whether he needs to go to the doctor or just buy some cream.
It was a solid five minutes before he mentioned that he had diabetes.
ScaryMaclary
15. Mom Knows Best
Oh, we had one of these yesterday! Some folks...
28yo comes in for a colonoscopy. Supposed to be on clear fluids and then bowel prep the day before, right? When asked about fasting:
Patient: I did my clear fluids and then I had fish for dinner.
Me: Why did you eat? We asked you not to!
Patient: I was hungry.
Patient: My mum had a colonoscopy before, and she said it'd be ok.
Seriously? Cancelled.
DarkPhoenix1993
16. Delayed Cases
I work in a peds OR.
We had a day a few months ago when a urologist had 3 cases delayed because all 3 patients ate breakfast that morning.
One of the mothers said I kid you not, "He had a waffle for breakfast this morning, but he already pooped, so it's ok!"
Ugh.
Hippopotame
17. Feelin’ Cute
I worked in oral surgery for a while, and we had this obese 13-year-old girl in for wisdom teeth removal- nothing to eat after midnight for sedation.
She thinks she's so funny and cute.
She's making all of these theatrical screeches about the IV with a huge smile on her face the entire time.
She then lets it slip that she snuck breakfast.
We had to reschedule, and she thought it was so f*cking funny.
[deleted]
18. Pain Meds Karen
When I was doing rounds in the ER for my medic, I encountered this woman.
She was in her early forties and was apparently a frequent flyer for pain meds. Since she had become known in the community (this was a small city in West Michigan), she was no longer able to trick doctors into giving her meds.
So what does she do? She pulls out her own teeth. She had tried to do a couple, but they wouldn't come all the way out. She did eventually get one out, but this was after a few attempts.
This isn't the stupid part, however.
She felt that this may not do the trick. So she waited for a few days knowing she would get an infection and we would have no choice but to give her what she wanted.
Well, it didn't work. They gave her NSAIDs and antibiotics.
Zoey8068
19. All Good
One of our acute leukemia patients was a young guy, just turned 20 and just had a baby.
We enrolled him in a clinical trial, and he went into remission. Everyone was stoked. We were all really rooting for him (of course, we rooted for everyone, but he was a particular favorite).
He continued to do well, and his counts stayed good.
A few months later, his wife called and told the research nurse that she had found all his pill bottles for the last few months in the car glovebox...full.
I don't know what ultimately happened with him after the research nurse got done ripping him a new one as I changed jobs.
I don't think he was stupid so much as just young and in denial about the seriousness of his disease.
As soon as he started feeling better, he stopped taking the pills- but then he attended all of his appointments and lied to his caregivers for months.
It was so frustrating.
Algohn
20. Wrong Symptom
I work as a scribe in the ER, and we had a guy come in asking to be tested because he may have an STD.
So we start asking him if he has had unprotected make-outs and multiple partners, to which he answers yes.
Next, we asked if he had any itching, rash, discharge, etc, to which he answered no.
Well, this guy thought he caught asthma from having it with some chick who had it...asthma...he thought it was an STD.
HipHop__Opotamus
21. Bad Commercial
I work in cardiology, and unfortunately, people don't understand the importance of anticoagulation.
Had a guy stroke out after seeing one of those predatory commercials, "If you or a loved one have taken Xarelto and had bleeding, call our number".
He called. We told him his risk for stroke if he stopped taking it and how important it was to take it and went over the risk vs. benefit.
He stopped it anyway and had a massive stroke.
CrystalKU
22. Full Force
The patient, in a delirious state, attempted to pull his Foley Catheter (the kind that swells up at the end to stay inside the body) out of his body... Forcefully.
Needless to say, he was pissing blood for a while from all the damage to his internals.
He was in a delirious state from not taking his blood sugar medication.
That's what makes it dumb.
Drumsolo728
23. Medic Stories
I am not a doctor, but as an Army medic, I have had some dumb patients.
One of the first guys I treated got a really bad road rash from a motorcycle crash and decided to treat it himself by pouring whiskey on it. By the time he came to the medics, it was pretty bad, and I had to do debridement with a scrub brush, basically scrubbing the bad parts off with plastic bristles.
He was in a lot of pain, and I was trying not to laugh at him.
A lot of people don't respect medics at all, even when we are very good at our jobs.
One guy came in with fluid-filled bumps on a red base around his mouth-textbook herps. I asked him if it was his first herpes outbreak, and he started yelling at me for saying he had herpes.
He refused to listen to anything else I said and asked for the PA, who took one look at him and asked if it was his first herpes outbreak.
We once had a guy who had the tip of his finger amputated. His first question was, 'Will this grow back?"
One guy had a sore back, and while I was doing the physical exam, he said, "Doc, my spine is curved (it wasn't). That's why my nose is crooked."
Medics all have lots of fun stories.
[deleted]
24. The Two Geniuses
So, two guys are attempting to lay hardwood flooring. They have no clue what they are doing, but what the heck. They rip up the old flooring, lay down some plywood and start to lay down their nice antique hardwood boards. At this point they have an issue. How does one find the studs in the floor when they are covered by the larger plywood panels?
Well, being geniuses, they decide to send one guy into the floor below and have him call out under the beam and have the guy fire his nail gun over the sound.
There are so many issues at this stage that it is amazing. So Many Issues! So Much Pain to listen too. I have no clue why they thought this plan was a good idea. So tempting to start smacking them around at this point... but had to be professional and just let them keep going.
Sure enough, guy on top floor missed beam, fires way overpowered gun into plywood, it goes through the weaker first layer of flooring, shoots guy on the bottom floor in the head. They know the nail missed the beam (there is a hole to prove it) but can not locate the nail.
Oddly enough, Pt was fine. The nail grazed his skull and entered the skin, then settled behind his ear. It was a very sore bump. He assumed the nail had hit him on the way by and initially didn't want to come in, but friend insisted on it since they could not find the missing nail.
Great xrays, couldn't keep them, HIPAA
lurklurklurkUPVOTE
25. Basic Instructions
The Peds patient's parents were given the usual pre-op instructions.
Blah blah blah, the patient needs to be NPO the usual eight hours prior to surgery, clear liquids only-"you can see through it.”
Parents the next morning during admissions said they followed the instructions to the letter.
They only gave the patient donuts...because they could see through it.
[deleted]
26. Mysterious Stones
I had a patient with c/c of back pain. I casually asked if he ever passed the stone.
The reply was: No doc, but wait, I did once. I've farted and had a stone in my undies.
I had trouble keeping my face straight.
Dilantin01
27. The Cut
I'm not a physician, but I am a healthcare professional.
I once had a chest pain patient who came into the Nuclear Medicine department for a typical MPI, and he had a very pungent, disgusting smell to him.
I work/go to school at a university medical center, so we mostly serve the locals and indigent patients. Finally, I get him to acknowledge the small, and he says his toe has been "feeling funny."
Turns out he cut it or something and an infection engulfed that toe and began eating part of his foot.
It seriously might have been gangrene.
I immediately called our nurse, who notified me about 3 different physicians who took samples and immediately rushed him out of our department.
Greeniphone33
28. Little Angels
I worked at a community hospital ER for about 3 years (not an MD).
One Thanksgiving, a boy of about twelve comes into the 'fast track' part of the ER and complains of abdominal pain.
We took him over for an x-ray, and it turns out he had stripped a telephone wire of its plastic coating and fed the copper up his urethra, which subsequently looped around his bladder several times.
His bladder was the size of a football. Also, a couple came in with their 1-year-old baby, which had ingested some of the mother's Klonopin.
The MDs explained that it was "eating away her insides" and rushed her to a nearby metropolitan hospital.
Stupid? Maybe. Careless? Mos def.
Somniosolus
29. She A Hater
We had a woman who went through 3 hospitalizations for diabetic ketoacidosis in 6 weeks.
Her glucose was up to 1100.
Her explanation is that she didn't like her endocrinologist, so she refused to go back.
Anitsisqua
30. Goodbye Treatment
My grandma was in hospital waiting for heart surgery. There was another guy in the same room waiting for a lung transplant.
This guy was out on the balcony having a quick smoke (lung transplant, remember?) when his surgeon walked in. He saw him smoking, turned around and left.
Apparently, the hospital dropped him off the transplant list and discharged him without actually coming back to see him.
Because fudge that guy. What part of STOP SMOKING is that hard to get?
JackofScarlets
31. Basic Hygiene
I work as a Medical Assistant in a dermatology clinic, and we had a middle-aged woman come in complaining of her private part and rectal itchiness.
She said she had a boyfriend with whom she regularly had it and attributed that to the itching, so I had her disrobe from the waist down and sit on the exam table for the provider to check.
It was OBVIOUS that she didn't wash or wipe herself down there, like, EVER.
The doctor told her that she only had mild irritation and that she needed to regularly wash her privates with mild soap and warm water, to which the patient surprisingly asked, "Is it safe to do that?"
[deleted]
32. Oh, My Good Knees
Not a doctor. But EMT.
I was working in the ER, and a homeless guy came in. Not unusual.
He looked completely fine, but he was complaining of unbearable leg pain.
My job in the ER is basically to do initial assessments/vitals and to get patients settled in. So I go to check out his legs. I cut through his pants, and he's wearing knee-high socks.
As soon as I cut through the elastic on the socks....maggots. Like a waterfall of them.
It turned out he had been wearing the same socks for 6 months, and they had cut into his skin. Good knees, the north surgeon said he could save his legs thanks to the maggots.
The lesson is to change your socks regularly.
CelphCtrl
33. Attention Seeker
When I worked at a prison in medical, there was an inmate who jumped from the second tier of the Gen Pop pod;
Broke both ankles. It was gnarly.
She did it for attention (people who actually want to die jump head first, I've seen that too)
CrystalKU
34. Can’t Just Wait
Medical student here.
In one clinic, I saw two sets of amazing couples both struggling to conceive. One couple was having the dude come on her stomach as "that's where the baby should be."
The other couple were very Christian, believed it was immoral/disgusting, and thought that as they had been recently married, she would become pregnant.
Oh me, oh my oh, I had to try very hard to keep a straight face.
Thelookout123
35. Total Faker
I work at a hospital that gives out pain pills like candy. If you have a 3 on the pain scale, roll your sleeve up. You're getting IV morphine. But I suppose this particular man did not know this.
So this guy walks in, and he is just screaming.
"OWWW OWWW OWWW DON'T TOUCH MY LEG!!!"
So he was admitted, and they ran some tests. We told him that because of his leg pain, he would not be able to walk without assistance from one of the nurses. Our goal is to prevent falls.
He does not like that. Not one bit.
He demands dignity, privacy, and respect. So we ask him how he'll get to the bathroom without help because his leg hurts so badly. He says he will not have to make a bowel movement and that he will just pee in the urinal that the hospital provides to every patient (don't ask me why).
Then I go in to clean him up. I wash up one leg, the leg that is supposed to hurt, and he's so caught up in his story about his farm that he plumb forgot that his leg hurt! I know.
I'm a miracle worker.
I gave him a funny look, then washed the other leg. And wouldn't you know it, the other leg began to hurt! The leg that was 100% fine now suddenly hurt like a witch.
I figured I should tell the doctor about this new symptom of his magic leg-switching pain while wondering if I should contact the media.
Imagine my shock when I found out that he was faking the leg pain the whole time!!!
[deleted]
36. Stinky Foot
I had a patient whose foot rotted and gangrenous to the lower calf. His roommates brought him to the ER because "he got to stinking real bad."
The ortho surgeon went to take a peek and was dry heaving behind his mask. I had a hard time not to laugh.
Good times.
[deleted]
37. Wrong Method
We had a patient once on a PCA (a kind of pain medicine pump with a button that the patient pushes to dispense more medicine).
She thought she had to physically lick the button in order to get the medicine.
Well, I cannot help but think that it was weird.
bawlrange
38. Sun Biting
GP here. The most outrageous thing I've heard was from a boy who was 20-22 years old.
Very poor, illiterate family.
The boy had a bad case of tonsilitis and refused to take any meds because all he needed to do was "bite the sun.”
Basically, at noon, he had to look up to the sun, open his mouth as wide as possible, and "bite" the sun several times so it would "burn" his tonsils and cure him for a couple weeks.
When that wouldn't work, plan B was to do the same at night but only under a full moon.
Valproic_acid
39. Improper Reasonings
This happens so much in my hospital.
Me: You didn't tell us you have a history of high blood pressure.
Them: Well, I take my pills, and now I no longer have high blood pressure!
These people just do not know how medicine works, even though we clearly provide instructions and detailed prescriptions. Smh.
Sendenten
40. Sudden Confession
I'm an EMT and took a guy with some 2-3 word dyspnea.
He has a good history, and everything made sense, including asthma.
I was calling for a medic to give him some Albuterol when the patient said,
Patient: It's everywhere now.
Me: What's everywhere?
Patient: The cancer. It's in my lungs, my heart...
I guess he didn't think it was really an important detail until then.
Trashline
41. Next Time, Second Opinion
A Lady I know was diagnosed with bowel cancer, so she rejects treatment and goes all natural and vegan.
Goes for a check-up a few months later no sign of cancer. It turns out the initial diagnosis was incorrect.
Very lucky, I say.
Rastryth
42. Must Change Routine
There are few things that make me as angry and incredulous as those families on shows like "My 600lb Life" who smuggle in bags and bags of fast food right after these people have had their stomachs stapled.
They wake up from surgery and there is a 2 Liter bottle of Coke on their bedside table they didn't ask for. The family has put out the food on top of their prodigious bellies as though they're a living table.
And, of course, these people have somehow failed to understand that they can't eat like that anymore. So the doctor comes in while they're eating the sorts of foods that their family has been supplying them with for years and has to deliver a big dose of reality.
Psinguine
43. Tough Guy
Surgical resident here. One that came to mind while I was on the cardiothoracic service was a gentleman who came in through the trauma bay with a stab wound to the chest.
He reported (after we fixed the rather large hole in his right ventricle) that he was just visiting a friend, and while on the stoop of the building, a random stranger stabbed him with a sword from a 1st-floor window.
He proceeds to laugh, get back in his car with his buddies, and drive home despite the rather profuse bleeding from his chest. He drives home for some period of time and then eventually decides he should go to the hospital.
Drives BY HIMSELF to the hospital.
The last thing he remembers was being on the way to the hospital. A lucky bastard was found in the parking lot and had passed out in his car.
Eventually made it to the OR and walked away just fine.
TheDoctorOfLove
44. Family Generation
I have the grandma, the mom, and the teen in the room.
The teen is pregnant, but this apparently is a good thing.
There are no fathers/grandfathers/boyfriends/jobs in the picture. Still, everyone decided it was time a new generation was added to the family lineage. Apparently, the teen did not appreciate the fatigue, full bladder, back pain, etc, that go along with being pregnant and is also experiencing some cramping pains.
She demands that we do a C-section because she's tired of being pregnant (even though she's still not far enough along). After all, then we can just hook up the premie in an incubator to finish growing, and the government can just pay for the [incredibly expensive] ICU stay.
My jaw just dropped.
fleur_essence
45. Workshop Remedy
This happened a while ago, when I had just started rounding with the infectious diseases team.
We had this one patient who epoxied his cracked PICC line back together. I don't remember why he had the line, probably for parenteral nutrition, but one day, he noticed that the line had cracked and was leaking.
So, he used some epoxy out of his workshop to seal it. Not surprisingly, he got a bloodstream infection, and the line had to be pulled.
This was probably the most unique I've seen regarding dumb things people do.
TrystFox