1. On The Search
Like most teenage girls her age, Clare Ettinger spent a great amount of time and effort finding the perfect prom dress. All throughout her search, she kept in mind the one rule that the prom’s dress code specified: “Ladies, please keep your dresses fingertip length or longer.”
During her extensive search, Clare visited six different stores. She meticulously combed through their selections, but she just didn’t find THE dress. Just when she was about to call it quits, though, she came across something that spoke to her.
2. The Perfect Fit
Hoping that it would look just as good on her as it did on the display, Clare pulled the dress from the rack and proceeded to try it on. Still, she knew it would have to pass the ‘fingertip test’ and made sure the bottom hemline measured at or below her fingertips.
“Like a good little homeschooler, I made sure that the dress was fingertip length on me,” she later wrote in a blog post about what would end up being truly an unforgettable prom experience – but for all the wrong reasons.
3. Feeling Like A Movie Star
In the days leading up to the prom, Clare and her friends could barely contain their excitement. The giddy young ladies shared photos with each other of their prom attire as they counted down the hours until the special event.
Feeling like a million bucks in her glitzy outfit, Clare Ettinger posted one photo saying she was “channeling inner Marilyn Monroe.” Although she couldn’t have known, it wouldn’t be just red carpets and glamorous getups at the Richmond homeschool prom.
4. The Big Night
Finally, prom night rolled around on May 10, 2014. Clare got ready, she did her hair and makeup, replete with bright red lipstick. She was particularly excited since it would be a rare occasion for the homeschool students to be with their peers in a common high school setting.
With her high heels on, she did one last fingertip test just to be absolutely sure that she had nothing to worry about. Even though the measurements were a little close, she’s was she was confident that everything was in order and she was ready to go.
5. Magical Moment
James, Clare’s boyfriend and prom date, picked her up and was breath taken by the image of Clare in the eye-catching number. Dashingly dressed in a tux himself they exchanged corsages and boutonnieres and took some customary pre-prom photos.
Admittedly, Clare was feeling great about herself. She knew that with her statuesque figure and glimmering dress, she would be hard to miss. As the high school sweethearts made their way to the prom venue, they were totally unaware of what they’d encounter once there.
6. Immediate Confrontation
Before Clare and James even had a chance to step through the front doors of the prom venue, they were intercepted by the dance’s organizer, Ann Duncan, and told they couldn’t enter because of Clare’s dress.
“Honey, that dress is too short,” Clare remembered the organizer telling her. Clare was stunned by the confrontation but she quickly gathered her wits and shot back a response that caught the attention of everyone who was in ear’s reach.
7. In Accordance With The Rules
Just as Clare had hoped, the prom organizer stated that the dress code specified that the bottom hem of a girl’s dress needed to be at or below the fingertips. Standing her ground, Clare told the organizer that in fact, her dress did meet this criterion.
Standing at 5’9”, Clare explained that she was simply tall and more developed than a lot of the other girls so it might not appear as such at first glance. She then demonstrated the test for the organizer not knowing exactly what to expect.
8. Not The Only One
As Clare Ettinger, her boyfriend James and their group of friends approached the ballroom at the Richmond homeschool prom, she laughed to herself when saw that a lot of the other girls were wearing much shorter dresses than hers.
Clare was still somewhat frustrated but realized the other girls were shorter than her so perhaps their attire wasn’t as noticeable. Nonetheless, she didn’t want the dress controversy to dictate the tone of her evening and she was just so happy to have all the drama behind her, or so she thought.
9. Awkward Experience
Clare and her friends felt that it was inappropriate to have so many lingering eyes on them and she said that she felt “violated” and “a little grossed out” by the number of male parents who were watching the young party-goers and closely policing their apparel and dance moves.
Still, she tried to shake the uncomfortable feeling and have a good time. Clare and her friends proceeded to try to enjoy themselves and let loose, but before long, prom organizer Mrs. Duncan was rushing over toward them again.
10. Additional Outrage
Clare was appalled at what Mrs. Duncan was telling her. The night had already had a rough start but now Clare was enraged that it seemed she was being sexualized and held responsible for the thoughts and impulses of adults.
To her, the incident brought to mind issues of victim blaming. Clare had started the night believing she was just a young woman at the prom to have a good time. She just didn’t think it was right that she’d have to worry about bearing responsibility for what adult men thought was ‘appropriate’ but it didn’t end there.
11. Drama On The Dance Floor
Again Clare tried to reason with Mrs. Duncan. She explained she’d hardly been dancing and especially not in a provocative manner. She again showed the two women that her dress passed the requirements, but the chaperones were adamant.
Clare couldn’t comprehend why she had been singled out when other prom attendees had shorter dresses and had been dancing in a more ‘mature’ way. At that point, her friends and boyfriend jumped into the conversation but they couldn’t believe the response they were getting.
12. Supportive Boyfriend
Rushing to defend his girlfriend as she was being unfairly targeted, James somehow managed to keep under control how angry he was as he asked to understand exactly what was going on.
He explained that his refund request was reasonable, as the whole group had arrived together. However, he was told it wasn’t his concern and he needed to back out. Mrs. Duncan had seen the two walk in together and knew he was her boyfriend, and that whatever pertained to her was also absolutely his business. What would happen next?
13. Yet Another Opinion
It turned out that Clare had an unwilling, if reluctant, ally in her struggle. As she and her friends gathered their belongings and prepared to be removed from the premises, she turned to the security guard who was to escort them.
Feeling emotionally pushed into a corner and forced to defend herself to all around her, she asked the security guard what he thought. To her surprise, even he thought she was dressed appropriately. But he was just doing his job, and sadly couldn’t put in his two cents.
14. Fighting Back
Although Clare and her friends had been robbed of the fun night they were supposed to have, she wouldn’t let it pass in silence. Clare was certain she’d followed the rules and wanted to get the word out about what she viewed as mistreatment, injustice and a backward way of thinking.
Not willing to stay silent, Clare took to the internet to voice her misgivings after her prom night disaster had left her feeling angry, embarrassed and disrespected. However, she never could have expected the reaction that she would receive.
15. An Online Sensation
Clare Ettinger hadn’t expected it, but her post about her prom dress controversy went viral and spurred a wave of supporters who were also enraged by what had happened. They agreed that it shouldn’t be a young woman shouldn’t be shamed for the sake of men’s comfort.
Clare was astonished by the positive reaction, but she was also hoping for a response from the homeschool prom’s administration. That being said, she never could have expected what the Richmond Homeschool Prom’s Facebook page ultimately did.
16. Mrs. Duncan Speaks Out
A local CBS affiliate caught up on the story and showed up to interview the involved parties. Clare’s family members defended her story, although she didn’t speak to the new crew since she was a minor at the time.
However, when they asked prom organizer Mrs. Duncan about the controversy, she stood by her account. She claimed Clare’s dress rode up throughout the night and she discredited claims that the dads were specifically watching her because there had been 500 kids at the prom. But still, there were other accounts of the events.
17. The Last Word
In response to the debate that ensued after prom, Clare and James made a video in which they spoke out about concerning societal attitudes toward gender and sexuality. The proactive pair sought to highlight the point that the way someone dresses or dances doesn’t constitute the level of respect they should receive.
Although Clare thought it was unfortunate that she had to go through the whole experience, she hopes her story will help in the discussion about body shaming and sexual harassment. She also hopes her story will further demonstrate how certain mindsets are problematic, not curve-hugging, sparkly dresses.
18. Taking Responsibility
To date, the organizers of the Richmond Homeschool Prom have remained mum on the subject of what happened to Clare Ettinger. Aside from Mrs. Duncan’s brief television interview, no other faculty have gone public with their take on the injustice at the prom.
Clare’s friends were never refunded for their prom tickets. Even more unfortunate, Clare has never received any form of an apology for the unforgettably shameful way that she spent her prom, a memory she will always carry. But she has received something unexpected.
19. Dress Uproar
But while Clare had been kicked out of her prom for the perceived ‘crime’ of having her dress be too short, another girl had faced an entirely different scandal because of her dress — and it had nothing to do with the length.
Utah teenager Keziah Daum wore to prom a red dress she’d found at a vintage shop, unaware it was a traditional Chinese costume. The Internet erupted, criticizing her of cultural appropriation. And then there’s what happened to yet another girl — and it wasn’t about her dress length either.