Do you remember when you were young and your parents would get into a silly argument over something trivial–like asking for directions–and you were so concerned they were splitting up? Of course, you were a little kid and thought that marriage was like the fairytales you’d see in Disney movies.
Then you grew up and realized not asking for directions is the least of your marital woes. In fact, you came to realize that marriage in reality is nothing like the movies. Marriage is basically just putting up with someone on a daily basis. Sure, our spouses have their redeemable qualities (there is a reason we married them!) but they have a tendency to drive us crazy–most of the time.
If you’re married (or in a long-term relationship) you will 100% relate to these 50 tweets.
1. They Never Do It Right…AKA Her Way
Before everyone piles on this woman, let’s keep in mind that men do this too. After all, “mansplaining” is a real thing! Men are pretty set in their ways when it comes to certain aspects of life. Mowing the lawn, home maintenance, grilling and anything to do with cars are usually in the husbands’ wheelhouse, so they tend to be particular about how those tasks are accomplished. The same goes for women. The biggest difference is that wives typically run the household so they like the upkeep done their (AKA the right) way. Did James fold his shirts? Yes. Did James fold his shirts correctly? No.
2. You Get What You Get
Without context, it may seem like the wife doesn’t care about what the husband wants for his birthday. But there are a number of factors that come into play that isn’t disclosing to us. Maybe they’re a little short on cash at the moment. Maybe he had a golf club membership at one time and it went horribly awry. Maybe she just wants him to spend more time at home. Regardless of her reasoning, she thinks a t-shirt is a better birthday present than a golf membership. The real question here is, why did she ask him what he wanted if she already knew what she was getting him? This is definitely #marriedpeopleproblems 101.
3. It’s a Marvel, Really
Not all, but most men just grab the first article of clothing they see and throw it on. Not all, but most women are more particular about what they wear. They will choose an outfit based on where they’re going, the weather, how long they’ll be wearing it for, and the big one–if it looks good. It’s hard to fathom just grabbing the top shirt from the drawer and throwing it on, regardless of the details women take into consideration. Yet, here we are.
4. It Works Every Time
Let’s be real: sometimes, we don’t want to do what our spouse asks us to do. We are adults, which for single people means they get to do what they want. For married people though, definitely not the case. We have to do these things when we’re asked. But what if we weren’t asked in the first place? The way to ensure you’re not going to have to do the dishes, go to the grocery store or any other chore asked of you ever again is to accidentally on purpose screw it up. Your spouse may give you a “Do I have to do everything around here?” and so be it; at least you’re off the hook.
5. All the Things!
When two people get married, two individuals become one unit. That means that two personalities, preferences and quirks have to coexist (sometimes) with their polar opposite. It takes time to iron out the wrinkles. But there are also some wrinkles that don’t ever come out. Like, the justification of why we do certain things but call out our spouse when they essentially do the same thing.
6. It’s Not Only Her Husband
Ladies from all walks of life feel this one deep. While it’s not just reserved for husbands (kids are just as guilty), it is something that the majority of men have it common. It’s as if there is an invisible man-blocking force field preventing them from putting the dishes into the sink. There can’t be any other explanation.
7. They Have to Know, Right?!
While we’re on the subject of invisible man-blocking force fields, there is also one that must live inside husbands’ memory banks that is only activated when their wives ask them if they need anything from the grocery store. It isn’t deactivated when she texts to double check there is nothing he needs. It doesn’t shut off when she’s checking out. The force field turns off after she gets home and puts the groceries away. That’s when husbands finally remember they are out of shaving cream. Major facepalm.
8. This Sums Up What Men Think Marriage Is
Do all men think this way about marriage? Of course not! Some actually believe it’s “make them cook for you.” All kidding aside, he did preface it–as many men do–with the part about completing them, so they’re off the hook for this one. Although…you know…sometimes it does feel like all wives do for their husbands is cook, laundry and find missing items.
Ah, New Year’s Eve. A time to put the year’s challenges behind us, revel in our accomplishments and get ready to start a new chapter. However, some wives will say their biggest win was staying sane–and married. James’ wife may be one of these ladies. She voices her disappointment with this zinger, which is frankly, brilliant. And oh so relatable.
10. We All Need New Stories
Have you ever heard the same story from your spouse so many times that you become an FBI investigator and take notes of all the inconsistencies from the last time they told the story? If you’re one of those married people who has learned to completely block out your spouse (please, tell us your secrets!), try playing “Find the Inconsistency” at least once. You can even turn it into a drinking game.
11. Ah, So It IS a Game
All of us married folk have been on either the giving or receiving end of this at some point. Why do we do this? Who knows. Maybe it’s boredom, maybe it’s low self esteem or maybe there is some evil pleasure in driving our spouses to the brink. We’ll let you pick the reason why you do it. We got ours.
Not only does it go on for an eternity, but this back-and-forth exchange usually includes one spouse naming a bunch of restaurants or meals, while the other spouse says “anything but THAT.” This fun little cycle just goes around and around until one of you cracks. Or you starve (which has also been a solution when both parties are feeling extra stubborn).
13. Wonder if He’s Still Married After This Tweet
Just like doing it the right way (AKA her way), there are some decisions that women know best. We all have that one gal pal who is the queen of filling up their family’s calendar and only telling her man a day in advance what their plans are. We envy that woman because a large percentage of us are still asking our husbands if they will go along with us to Little Timmy’s birthday party Saturday. We know they’re either a. not going to answer or b. groan about it, yet, we ask every time. Kudos to the ladies that cut out the headache and just tell their husbands what time they’re leaving.
14. He’s Smart To Be Scared
Let’s be clear: we do not condone violence of any kind. But…he should check just to be sure. Kidding (or are we?)! There is probably a perfectly good explanation for her cheery demeanor. Or, James doesn’t done anything yet to sour her mood. Emphasis on “yet.”
15. Please Send Help!
This wife is clearly frustrated. And truth be told, most wives have been sent to the breaking point for this very same reason. This is a combination of Nos. 5 and 6. He puts things places and doesn’t put them back where he got them from. She’s got a pretty extensive list, too. Maybe a shock collar will help? She can zap him any time the mayo is left next to the fridge. (Remember: we’re not condoning violence!)
16. Boys Will Use Whatever Is There
Maryann has figured out a solution to a problem millions, if not billions, of women face: you get into the shower only to find that you’re out of shampoo. You know you’re not the only who used it all. In fact, women usually have “almost out of shampoo; better add it to the shopping list” down to a science. A mathematical marvel, if you will. So when we grab the bottle and there’s nothing in there, we know that random strangers aren’t secretly entering our bathrooms and showering when we’re not at home. There is only one suspect: the husband. The real mystery is how does someone with half as much hair use twice as much shampoo as we do?
17. And Men Say Women Talk Too Much
One of the greatest tricks the devil ever pulled wasn’t convincing the world he didn’t exist. It was convincing the world that women talk more than men. Listen, fellas, we’ve heard your stories umpteen times. We know them better than you do. And some of us may or may not have turned them into a drinking game. Why need peace and quiet sometimes. Before you ask: No, we’re not mad at you. We just need some solitude.
18. Duncan, You’re a Good Man
It’s easy to make fun of our spouses, but it’s also important to point out when they go the extra mile, like Duncan. We know he’s not the only one who has been in this position before. And we appreciate the sacrifice every time.
19. It’s a Neverending Scavenger Hunt
Remember us complaining that husbands never putting anything where it belongs? Here’s the flip side to that one. They do put things away, but never where it actually goes. Wives are constantly trying to figure out “If I was a spoon, where would Kevin put me?” in order to find anything. It’s a catch-22 and feels like we just can’t win.
20. Don’t Ever Mess With a Woman’s USA Network
Yes, the obsession women have with USA Network programs may seem strange, but hear us out. This is the list of series that’s aired on the cable channel: “Burn Notice,” “Monk,” “Mr. Robot,” “Psych,” “Royal Pains,” “Suits,” “White Collar,” and that’s not mentioning what ran in syndication like one of the many “Law & Order,” “NCIS,” and “Chicago” shows. How can you not be obsessed with USA Network? We don’t need it in HD. We’ve seen these episodes a thousands times.
21. Every Married Couple Can Relate
Ah yes, the revenge spend! This is one the pettiest, most passive-aggressive move known in marriage. The way it works is, your spouse makes a large purchase for themselves–no matter how much they try to argue that the entire house will benefit from their new set of golf clubs, we know it’s for them. Then you turn around and make a revenge purchase. Now, the smart move is what the following Tweeter did: spend less. After the imminent argument subsides, you will win simply for spending less.
22. Yes. Yes We Do
Again, we’re not condoning violence of any type. However, this tweet is a little too relatable to sum of us. There’s not doubt that we love our spouses will all of our hearts but it’s also not a lie to say that sometimes we wished they would be chosen for the next mission to outer space. Just keeping it real.
23. It’s a Secret, Sean
Sean here is clearly mesmerized and perplexed by his wife’s “magical blanket folding methods.” It’s okay, Sean, a lot of husbands are. The trick to this sorcery is to match up a corner to the one opposite of it. Fun fact, men: it doesn’t matter which “opposite!” Just, you know, don’t use the diagonal opposite. Next, fold it in half, bringing opposite corners together again. Fold it in half one more time and you should be good go to.
24. She’d Feel the Same Way if the Roles Were Reversed
Nine times out of ten, our biggest rival is our spouse. If they mow the lawn in an hour, we want to come in under 50 minutes. If they shovel snow and only take one break, we’re going to try and do it in one go. There’s nothing wrong with friendly competition. You don’t have to even compete for anything other than bragging rights.
Good for you, Rachael! This is a classic example of something our spouse does that drives us to our breaking point, yet we just keeping going through life with them. Both our husbands and wives overlook our flaws because at the end of the day, there is no one in the world we’d rather have breathe on us while we’re trying to sleep.
26. Wait, Yours Too?!
Of all the baffling moves that husbands pull, this one takes the cake. Fine, you want to change the channel from this “Law & Order: Criminal Intent” episode from 2007 we’ve seen 100 times to some fancy HD channel so you can watch sports. Great. But why do you leave the room as soon as you do?! We could have squeezed in at least one of Goren’s questions (that we already know the answers to) to one of the suspects (really, it’s just a person of interest; Goren and Eames are always looking at the wrong guy!). But no, go ahead, change the channel, then grab the chips.
27. They Can Never Find Anything
Not only is the male variety of human species in a constant struggle to find their own belongings, they occasionally pull this maneuver. If it’s not an actual emergency, which involves injuries to the children, pets, or parents, don’t call us at work. We know you know where we are. It just sends us into a moment of panic. You’ve already looked in the front closet? Look again. We promise, it’s there.
28. That’s Not How Math Works
Not only is her husband’s reasoning skills a little off, but Katie’s beau probably didn’t even gain a single ounce from all those carbs and dairy. Meanwhile, we have to do advanced physics to figure out what we have to sacrifice the next day to eat a slice.
29. The Worst Part Is, No One Won
Despite all of our innocent joking, many relatable aspects of marriage really come down to hilarious experiences. This is one of them. At least once in every couple’s journey, they’ve moved into a new place and silently blamed the other for the change in temperature. Sure, sometimes this battle is warranted. But usually at first, it’s the previous owner who channels their best baked ham impression while they slept.
30. They Have To Do This on Purpose…Right?
Remember when we mentioned that the key to never having to do things we don’t want to do is mess them up “accidentally on purpose”? The one errand/chore husbands will never get out of is running to the grocery store for a few forgotten items. No matter how many times you “forget” what a banana is or “can’t find” the butter, we’re going to keep sending you back until you get it right.
31. Big Facts
This kind of goes hand-in-hand with the tweet about doing things incorrectly. With one caveat, that is: even when we’re wrong, we’re right. See fellas, women know that we can talk our way into being right about anything. We’re the masters of spin. So when you get into an argument with us, just know that we’re going to take a trip into the wayback machine to find the proof we need to win this argument.
32. We Assure You, He Does Not
We give husbands a lot of guff about not putting things away or not knowing how to do simple tasks or find their own things, but we can also admit when you do things right. We know you’d rather drive. We know our braking almost sends you over the edge. But we also know you try your best to make us feel like you trust us with this expensive piece of machinery. And we love you for it.
33. Works for Kids and Husbands
Another tweet that isn’t exclusively for husbands. There isn’t much to add to this one either. Husbands and kids must have a secret buzzer that alerts them whenever wife/mom sits down. Because Becca is right; it happens every time.
34. This Argument Is Mandatory
No, you cannot immediately call the tech when a household appliance breaks. It’s mandatory that you spend the first hour arguing over the purchase date. The next two to three hours are spent looking for the warranty registration card, paper work, or credit card statement. If you’re lucky, a bonus argument will ensue over whether the proof of said warranty exists or as to the whereabouts of the evidence.
35. He Only Does It Because It Drives Her Nuts
M is that kid who lived on your street and called them “spsghetti” and “libary” instead of spaghetti and library. Or, he’s playing the (very) long game. “Why5” is kind of charming but cripsy? Yeah, we’re with you, Julia.
36. Where’s the Lie?
We never thought about it before, but we can definitely see the truth in this one. Now every time you see a couple walking down the street, this is going to be the first thing you think of. You’re welcome.
37. Hey, Look at You!
Circling back to the competition tweet, this here is pretty incredible will power. It also looks like a fun game of cardboard Jenga. Now, what we’d like to point out, that it’s very clear from the chicken burgers box, two empty egg cartons and 1% milk jug that there’s a health-conscious person in the household. But we can also see the three boxes of pizza on the bottom. So we’re kind of confused but also glad he won. We think.
38. It’s Just a Constant Cycle
If you couldn’t relate to the never-ending cycle of “What do you want to eat?” tweet (for reference, it’s No. 12), you may relate to its brother, “What do you want to do?” Some lucky married couples have the pleasure of experiencing both of these in the same week! Just like its food-selection counterpart, this one involves asking each other over and over what you want to do that day until you end up doing nothing but asking each other what you want to do all day.
39. We Promise, Jimmy Knows She’s Right
We’re going to let all you men in on a little secret of ours. What infuriates us the most when you eat something incorrectly is the fact that many of you have watched us raise your children. You’ve heard “Chew with your mouth closed” or “Don’t slurp that” so many times that it’s a wonder it’s not playing on repeat in your head. Yet, you act like you weren’t taught these things. We talk to your mom, we know you were!
40. Only Facts
Maybe this is what we get for asking our husbands to stay home this weekend instead of going out with the boys. Of course, if they want something to do so badly, they can always grab the vacuum or finally change the AC filter. /shrugs.
41. They Never Do
This may not be relatable to all married couples, but if one (or both) of you is a gamer, you’ve had this exchange a plethora of times. It doesn’t matter if it’s your Nintendo Mii, console avatar or game character, one of you will create a digital self-portrait that looks nothing like the real person. The spouse will coolly call this out. Argument ensues. We can’t answer why it is such a point of contention for some people that online avatars match the real image exactly, but it is. These squabbles are always hilarious, btw.
We don’t know who is the original author of this tweet is, but boy oh boy did she nail it. Fellas, next time you want to have the conversation with your wife about why she refuses to have kids, pause for a second and think of this tweet. You may be able to avoid the discussion altogether while you take some inventory on your own life.
43. But Is That Where HE Would Have Looked?
We mentioned this a few times previously, but in reverse roles. Listen, we can say for 100% certainty that if we are coming to YOU asking where something is, we’ve exhausted all of our options. That means, yes, we looked in the front closet, back closet, bedroom closet and even the linen closet. Madison’s scarf is nowhere to be found. You also can’t fool us; we know you never would have looked in any of the places you suggest.
44. Happy Valentine’s Day!
This marital issue has been going on since the toilet seat was invented. We don’t know why this has and probably always will be such an obstacle for couples to overcome. What we do know is that men really hate putting the toilet seat down. Especially at night. In the dark.
45. Funny How That Works
See? We brought this up previously. You’re not really that bored. If you were, you’d be wiling to do anything–including some of the cleaning. What you want to be is a pest.
46. If This Works, She’s a Genius
So what’s the strategy here? If you ask when they first wake up their brains don’t have time to process any other response? You’re throwing the ball into his court before he can ask you? Whatever the motivation, we can see this one working out to her favor every time.
47. Yup, and It’s Only Gotten Worse Since Covid
Looking at this image, years after it was tweeted gives us a chuckle. Do you remember a time when your husband (or wife) would get irritated that delivered packages would be strewn all over your front entrance? Then 2020 happened and these delivered packages was a way of survival for many. However, we can’t help but wonder how Karina’s front door is looking these days, considering she was on top of the delivery game years ago.
48. Happens to the Best of Us…Often
The misplaced wedding ring is one of life’s many mysteries. Be honest: How many times do you even take it off? To shower, (some) to sleep, to do yard work, to deep sea dive…So how it has gotten lost more than once is baffling. And you know you’ve lost yours more than once!
49. May the Odds Be Ever in Your Favor
Not only is this scenario like a kid waiting for Santa Claus, it’s also possibly the one thing wives everywhere are most envious of. Sure, when you’re in your early 20s, you think the lady married to the doctor who lives in the big house and drives the Mercedes has it made. Then you get married and a decade and a half later, you realize this lady below is living the dream.
50. Finders Keepers
The thing is, he doesn’t have to even do his own laundry. He just has to clear his pockets out when he puts his pants in the hamper. This guy can’t even manage that. Who are we kidding–ours can’t either!