DON’T DO IT, MICKEY!
Do you like to have your brains freaked out? Do you want to be spooked and kooked? Do you want to be chilled and thrilled?
Do you want to be OTHER THINGS SYNONYMOUS WITH CREEPY AND FREAKY?!?!?! This is a good list of creepy junk that you will like for sure, you big old weirdo!
Mickey Mouse apparently isn’t always the happy-go-lucky “aww-shoot”, “aww-shucks”, “golly gee” type of dude we all know and love.
Grow a Mustache? MURDERED
As you’ll see in the strip below, homeboy is feeling down about the universe and is up to his eyeholes in some existential funk.
In the original, pre-Disney Peter Pan, when the Lost Boys got to be too old, Sweet Pete would MURDER a fool. Is that a handsome mustache I see? MURDERED. Grow a pube? MURDERED.
Don’t Watch
All of a sudden you enjoy the taste of coffee and want to get a Costco membership? MURDERED. The Lost Boys weren’t young forever. Peter was just killing them off and bringing in more kids to replace them. BTW, this is the same policy that Abercrombie & Fitch uses.
The 1980 film Cannibal Holocaust caused quite the stir when it was released because of SURPRISE SURPRISE, A MOVIE NAMED CANNIBAL HOLOCAUST WASN’T SHOWN AT CHURCH SOCIALS.
World’s Worst Chili
It was so incredibly realistic and horrifically gruesome that the makers had to go to court to prove it wasn’t a documentary.
Infamous serial killer William Suff, aka The Riverside Prostitute Killer aka Lake Elsinore Killer, liked to impersonate cops.
Fingers Crossed
Dude murdered his wife and two-month-old baby and then went on to murder like a ton of hookers and even used one of their breasts to make what some are calling THE WORLD’S WORST CHILI.
In 1977, Ohio State University’s Big Ear radio telescope (yes this is a real thing, and not what happens when you let small children name a piece of super expensive equipment) picked up a signal FROM OUTER SPACE (SAY WHAT?!?!) that lasted for 72 seconds. It came from the constellation Sagittarius and is still unexplained to this day. Warning about the impending destruction of our universe at the hands of some as yet unseen force?
Hell Horse
Maybe! Recipe for Sci-Fi Soufflé? Fingers crossed!!!
Do you ever wonder what kind of horses ghost cowboys ride when they’re roaming the country trying to collect souls for the devil? Well then, you should head to the Denver International Airport to get your peepers locked on this creepy-as-heck HELL HORSE they got going on down there. I straight up understand why people think this place is haunted.
Poo‘gurt
LOOK AT THIS THING! Also, when this evil creature was being built, it collapsed and crushed the original artist. It’s like it knew it was too evil for the world and in a rare moment of selflessness, it tried to spare the world the ache, misery, and pure terror of its existence.
You know why Jamie Lee Curtis is always doing those probiotic commercials right? She’s trying to keep the gut overlords appeased. There’s a ton of gnarly bacteria up in them guts.
Some are there to help you digest food, the same bacteria that will no joke digest you after you die. If your gut bacteria can do that when you die, what’s stopping it from doing it now????!!!!??? Jamie Lee Curtis had the right idea y’all: give your guts some poo‘gurt.