1. Everyone has rolls when they bend over. Everyone.
I knew I had to get in contact with body-positive blogger Jes Baker, The Militant Baker, when the raw beauty and humor in her piece called “Things No One Will Tell Fat Girls… So I will” moved me to tears. By the way, she even made a book about it. Check it out here.
For years, Jes has worked in this sphere of reminding people— especially women— of their right to feel beautiful. She’s a mental health professional, a speaker, a writer, and a photographer who created this beautiful photo series called “Body Image(s).”
Lets just get this out of the way right off the bat. In the last few months, I've had over 30 women ranging from rail thin to extra large naked in my bed and I would routinely ask them to hug their knees. You wont believe this... ALL OF THEM HAD TUMMY ROLLS.
2. When people say “you’re gorgeous," believe them.
Not one was exempt. Even my super fabulous professional model 6 foot tall and some amazing Katie had rolls. The stomach pictures turned into some of my favorite images from the project... so quit thinking they're bad, and try accepting (dare I say embracing?) yours!
I tend not to, and it's a cryin' shame. When people genuinely compliment you, it's because they really see it. Try to not dismiss their perspective as wrong and assume that you know better.
3. “Arm flab is embarrassing.” No its not, screw you.
They see all of you. We see our flaws. Believe them.
3. “Arm flab is embarrassing.” No its not, screw you.
No, not you.4. You’re not stunning despite your body. You’re stunning because of your body.
The people who tell us that, silly.
There is a distinct difference. I grew up in a culture that would deem “unattractive” women as “special spirits." A degrading categorization that implied that the only thing worthwhile was whatever was inside. Well, yeah.
5. A guy can pick you up off your feet, and it won’t break his back.
We are all much much more than our bodies, but our bodies are a beautiful part of us too. Beauty comes from the inside AND the outside. I am of the firm belief that every person is beautiful, and so this leaves the inside to be the part that is the most telling when it comes to true “beauty."
“Wait, whaaaaaa Jes? You’re full of shit.” Nope. This just happened to me for the first time in… six years? I’m considerably heavier than I was 6 years ago (like… 70 pounds heavier) and so when I ran up to my friend Eric for a hug and he picked me up with my heels in the air… it left me breathless.
6. You don’t need to exercise every day in order to feel better about yourself.
I had forgotten that it was possible; I had accepted a life void of being lifted. So exhilarating. Eric didn’t suffer any injuries and walked away unscathed.
Many believe that someone who’s fat needs to exercise as much as possible in order to prove that they’re committed to becoming “less fat." As if accepting one’s body as is would be a sin, and that’s just silly. Yes, exercising has wonderful physical and mental benefits, but you don’t owe it to anyone else to make an effort to change your body unless you wanna.
7. You’re allowed to fall in love with yourself. I promise.
You do not have to alter yourself to be okay. Period.
This will be the scariest thing you will ever do, and that’s okay. It will also be the most amazing (albeit super gradual) experience you will ever have. It doesn’t make you narcissistic.
8. It's also okay to have days where you don't love yourself.
It doesn’t make you vain. It is liberating in every form of the word.
Realize that we've grown up learning and internalizing that we are not okay our entire life. For me, that's 26 years of self-hate indoctrination and brainwashing. It's going to take a lot longer than you think to reverse this thinking, and it's definitely not going to happen overnight. Allow yourself to have "weak" days.
9. Everyone's boobs are uneven. If you have a lot of boobs, they might be way uneven.
Cry, mourn, sob, yell, throw things. Whichever. Then get up, brush yourself off, give the media the finger, and move forward because you're a warrior.
Don't stress.
10. There are people who prefer large ladies. And I mean all sizes of large.
This is totally normal.
I thought that my best bet in life was to find a partner who accepted my fat. Pause. Give me a minute to hang my head and shake it at myself. Not only are there people who adore "thick" women, but a LOT of them who prefer it.
11. Fat chicks bang hot guys... ALL. THE. TIME.
Here is what you need to know: you do NOT need to settle for a lover who is "okay" with your body. You have the right (and millions of opportunities) to find someone who is infatuated with your body. You deserve to be worshiped, woman!
I know that hot is relative and all inclusive depending on who you chat with, but for these purposes, lets talk about the "universally attractive" kind of hot. Y'know, the kind fat chicks don't deserve? We want to pretend that we don't know what I'm talking about, but lets be real; we totally do. The fact that "fat chicks bang 'hot' guys" was one of the most powerful realizations I've had thus far. In line with the above paragraph, I knew that there would be someone that would find me attractive, but the pool would be small (because of my body) and potentially full of guys I didn't personally find sexy.
12. Riding during sex will NOT collapse his insides.
So I would have to settle for anyone that would take me. After all, how could a conventionally gorgeous man (tall and with tattoos, of course) like fat chicks? Weh-he-hell, let me tell you somethin': through various sites, events, parties, and corner store meetings, I found myself with over a hundred men who were chomping at the bit to get with this. I was the one who had to sift through and pick the hottest of the hot. Ladies, over a hundred.
13. Wearing whatever you want is a political statement.
Just trust me on this one, what you fear is totally false.
Join the revolution. Throw style rules out the window. Wear the tutu. Wear the horizontal stripes. Wear the turquoise skinny jeans.
Wear the see-through blouse. Wear the bikini. Wear the sweat pants. Wear the shirt that says "Does this shirt make me look fat?" Wear whatever it is that makes you happy. This is your life.